The George Burns Seven-Day Diet By George Burns (in Memory of)
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Monday
Breakfast
4 prunes with low-fat milk 2 cups coffee, black
Sometimes if I have a big weekend, I may only have three prunes. By the way, the milk goes over the prunes and also under them.
Lunch
Bowl of soup
1 slice French bread, toasted
1 cup coffee, black
This is very flexible. If you haven't got French bread, rye bread is fine, or white bread, or rolls, or fruitcake. And it doesn't have to be a bowl of soup and a cup of coffee. It can be a bowl of coffee and a cup of soup. Whatever makes you happy. As I said, this is a very flexible diet.
Dinner
Bowl of soup
Mixed green salad
Roast chicken
Rice
Green peas
1 slice bread, buttered
1 cup coffee, black
Cookies
This is my big meal of the day. If I'm still hungry, I might include the one prune left over from breakfast. And the cookies must be very crisp so they make a noise in my mouth when I eat them. It sounds like applause, so I can eat and take bows at the same time.
Tuesday
Breakfast
1 small glass fresh orange juice
Bowl bran cereal with milk 2 cups coffee, black
I let the cereal soak in the milk so it gets a little soggy. That way it doesn't make a noise when I'm eating, because I'm too tired from taking bows the night before.
Lunch
Bowl of canned salmon with white vinegar and lemon
1 English muffin, toasted
1 cup coffee, black
English muffins usually come sliced in half horizontally. I like each half sliced the same way, so the muffin is in four slices. That way I eat two slices and wind up eating just half a muffin. If it isn't sliced my way, I get very upset. I'm very temperamental about my muffins. I may stamp my foot or even go back to fruitcake.
Dinner
Bowl of soup
Mixed green salad
Broiled fish
Two vegetables
1 slice bread, buttered
1 cup coffee, black Ice cream
If it's white fish, then I have green vegetables. Green and white go together beautifully. But if the fish is red snapper, then I don't have green vegetables. I have yellow squash, even though I hate yellow squash. I can't stand a meal where the colors clash.
Wednesday
Breakfast
1 small glass orange juice
1 croissant with jelly
1 cup coffee, black
My cook, Arlette, is a very attractive lady, and very nice. She always sees that my orange juice is freshly squeezed. And I see that she is. It gets the day off to a good start for both of us. I'm not a croissant fan, but I was always nuts about Maurice Chevalier, so I eat it in his memory.
Lunch
2 soft-boiled eggs
1 slice toast
Pot of tea with lemon
I like eggs because they're so versatile. They can be poached, fried, scrambled, boiled-soft-boiled, hard-boiled, medium-boiled-shirred, and Benedicted. It's amazing how many things you can do with an egg after a chicken gets through with it.
Dinner
Shrimp cocktail
Mixed green salad
Carrots
1 potato, baked
Beef ribs
1 slice bread, buttered
1 cup coffee, black
Cookies
Remember, I told you I never touch red meat. That wasn't a lie, I don't touch the beef ribs. Arlette feeds them to me.
Thursday
Breakfast
(Very light, nothing worth mentioning)
Lunch (Same as breakfast)
Dinner
This is my biggest meal of the week. I can't tell you what it consists of, because I go out to dinner every Thursday night. I go to the most expensive restaurant, and the reason I can't tell you what I eat is because my host always orders for me. Look, I couldn't be friends with Jack Benny for sixty years and not have some of that rub off on me.
Friday
Breakfast
4 prunes with low-fat milk
2 cups coffee, black
There are other fruits I could eat for breakfast, but I prefer prunes because they've got more wrinkles than I have. I tried raisins once and they have good wrinkles, too. In fact, they have excellent wrinkles.
But four raisins isn't much for breakfast, even for me. I wish they' d start making bananas with wrinkles; I'd like to try one of them.
Lunch
Bowl stove-hot alphabet soup
3 crackers, salted
3 crackers, unsalted
Pot of tea with lemon
In case you're wondering about the crackers, my doctor told me not to eat salt. But then again, I've got a nephew in the salt business. And the reason for the alphabet soup, I figure as long as I'm eating I might as well learn something.
Dinner
Whatever is in the doggie bag left over from that big dinner Thursday night.
Saturday
Breakfast
Spanish omelette
French toast
English muffin
Irish coffee
This sounds like a ridiculous breakfast. Well, it is. But these are all our allies, and I don't want to offend anybody. Oh-oh, I left out Italy. Well, on my French toast I'll put a little Italian dressing.
Lunch
Matzohs, eggs & onions
1 iced tea
I must have matzohs, eggs, and onions at least once a week, because they remind me of Clayton, Jackson & Durante. And I loved Clayton, Jackson & Durante as much as I hate matzohs, eggs, and onions.
Dinner
This is my lightest meal of the week. It's the night I take out my host who took me out Thursday night.
Sunday
After eating all that food during the week, Sunday I eat nothing. I may have a martini or two... or three... but NO food... maybe four, I always like to end the week on a happy note... or five.
Source: How to Live to be 100
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