"Do I Really Have to End It?" By Abigail Wood
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 Q When Jon moved to California, I thought we'd automatically break up-even though we'd been dating for a year. Since he's been gone, though, I've realized that I'm really unhappy without him.
We've had one visit, but it was awkward and didn't go very well. When it was almost time for his family to leave, he held me close for about an hour and said he wanted me to keep in touch.
I started writing him al most every day. He's written only twice-two postcards that didn't answer my questions or show any curiosity about my life. There's no chance of our seeing each other for months. Should I believe what he said or try to forget him?
A Needing someone who isn't there can be lonely in a lot of ways. It can be tough on weekends when all your friends are out, especially if Jon was fun to be with. It can be hard when you have a problem, if Jon was the one you used to confide in. But maybe the loneliest part is not having someone to be with when you're sad.
It sounds as if you're having trouble filling that emptiness and getting on with your life. You might actually be keeping yourself from moving on by hoping for something that doesn't sound promising. And two postcards that didn't answer questions or show any curiosity are a sign that he's broken away-even though he was so reluctant to say good-bye the last time you saw him.
We urge you to trust your first perception-that you would break up when he left. And when you feel sad, do something that will raise your spirits: Call a friend, or buy a tape you've been wanting, for example.
If a specific problem comes up, try to think of someone else you can turn to, instead of feeling lost without Jon. Chances are, there is someone among the people you know who could fill in.
Getting over a loss is never easy. It always takes work. It'II help if you do more of the things that make you feel good about yourself-and stop looking for proof that your romance with Jon is alive and well or that you can't be happy without it.
Q Robby is really popular-and that's the problem. You see, I've gone out with him a couple of times, but he isn't much fun to be with. All he does is talk about his great success with girls which totally bores me.
My friend Lia thinks I'm so lucky. She tells me I'd be really popular, too, as Robby's girlfriend-and that part is great. She says I'd be dumb to throw away this chance. Should I just go ahead and act like he's as great as everyone says?
A It's understandable that you'd be tempted to play the role of Robby's girlfriend-even though you don't like him that much. Who doesn't want to feel popular?
But what about those objections you 've raised? You say he isn't all he's been cracked up to be, but is it possible you expected a little too much from him? For instance, did you go out of your way to be good company-or did' you sit back and expect him to entertain you? (Some girls get so busy judging a guy that they forget to create their half of the fun and interest.)
Don't forget, there must be some reason everybody thinks Robby's great. Perhaps all his talking about himself-and other girls -was his way of hiding shyness. Or maybe it was a kind of sales pitch, to show you he deserved a chance. That doesn't mean you have to accept his behavior. You might say, "Robby, please let me think I'm the only one in your Iife . . . even though I know it's not true!" Say it with a smile; you'lI get your message across without putting him down.
You might also tell Robby what you do like talking about. Sports? Music? As you draw him out, you may begin to see why people have been raving about him. At least you'lI have done your best. II you still find him dull and conceited, forget him. Constant boredom is too high a price for the appearance of popularity. Besides, reflected popularity (which has Iittle to do with you) is usually quick to evaporate . . . and not much fun.
Source: Seventeen Magazine
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