Relating Q&A
|
||
 |
 There's this guy Bill that I like (we're both going into eighth grade), and I want him to know that I'm fun, but I always sound so stiff and boring when I talk to him. I ask about his soccer games and other things about sports, but I'm not really interested in the answers.
I also try small talk, like "When's your birthday?" but that's only good for a short answer. Or I'll ask him how his little sister is, as if Iike her, but I really think she's a brat.
The problem is, it all sounds so dull! I see my friends talking with boys and making them laugh, and they all seem to have a great time.
What should I talk about with Bill? I just have so little to say. I keep trying-I even rehearse-but I'm not making any progress.
What you need to do is stop trying so hard! You're treating a situation that should be fun as if it were a math assignment with only one "right" answer.
People who tense up in social situations usually have lots to talk about-they just worry about it more and imagine what they have to say isn't good enough.
Don't rehearse! All that does is destroy spontaneity, which makes anything boring. Your real problem is that you're looking for rules where none exist.
Almost anything-or nothing for that matter-is fine to talk about. But don't try to sound Iike an expert on a subject that in truth isn't interesting to you, because if you're bored by what you're talking about, it'll show.
And insincerity shows, too. If you really don't Iike Bill's sister, asking how she is will sound saccharine. if he brings her up in conversation, you should of course respond politely, but you needn't pretend she's your best friend.
Initiate conversations about things that you do care about. If you're excited about a band or a new TV show, your genuine enthusiasm will draw him in.
AIso, don't be afraid to just talk about what's going on at the moment, both in the world and in your mind. Don't stop to edit yourself or judge whether your observations or ideas are adequate. Dare to make a comment or ask a question just because it occurred to you.
The adage To be interesting, be interested does have some merit. Responding to Bill with genuine interest will make him feel good and ease any what-should I-talk-about tension that he might be feeling. And remember, a conversation requires the participation of two people. It's not your job to entertain Bill, and if talking with him is always so difficult, it may be he's just not much of a talker.
Don't fall into the chattering-is-better than-silence trap. Silence doesn't mean people aren't having a good time together. In fact, a quiet moment can be a nice way for two people to acknowledge the pleasure of being together.
I really Iike this boy, Todd. He's funny, he's smart, and I think he's cute. And he is so nice. Here's my problem: He's only live one (I'm live six), and because he's so short, he's not very popular.
I don't even care about his height, but my friends (who are popular) make jokes at his expense. When I tell my friends I Iike him, they go, "You're kidding." I tell them I'm not, but they laugh Iike it must be a joke.
I know that Todd would like to go out with me-he's told me as much. Would I be dumb to risk being laughed at, and maybe losing my friends, if I do?
Of course you don't want to lose your friends, but are they really friends if they drop you because a boy you Iike doesn't measure up to their specifications?
What if you do cover up your true feelings? Denying what's important to you just to please the crowd is bound to make you unhappier in the long run, for all kinds of reasons.
First, you'll have sold out on both your feelings and integrity. Second, you'll be missing out on spending time with someone you care about and whose company you enjoy. And third, you'll hurt someone who's done nothing unkind to you.
If you and T odd do go out, you may realize he's perfect for you or you may find that you're better as friends. Whatever happens is strictly between you two.
We feel sure you can handle whatever dumb remarks might come your way. None of this reflects on you or Todd, but it speaks volumes about the shallowness of those making the remarks.
When asked if you are serious about liking Todd, just say, "Yes, absolutely." Don't defend yourself or your feelings.
Make it clear that as far as you're concerned, Todd's height is not an issue and your relationship with him isn't anybody's business but your own. Those "friends" who still don't understand may be the friends you find you can do without.
Source: Seventeen Magazine
|
  Relations Beauty Health Recipes |
