If it feels like the spark is fizzling, it’s time to break out of your routine.
Stop being friends on Facebook
On Facebook, that is. “It’s a terrible idea for spouses to be Facebook friends with each other,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., co-author, with Heidi Raykeil, of (best self-help title EVER!) Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents’ Guide to Getting It On Again. “Relationships are already filled with enough banality. I want to preserve what little mystery there is, which means I don’t need to see my wife’s latest check-in with her third-grade pals on her Superwall.”
But wait! You don’t have to, like, swear off the technology entirely. Perel suggests getting a secret your-eyes-only email address just for each other — not for “pls pick up Muenster” and “remember B’s ballet stuff” — but for loving and flirtatious messages only.
Buzz-killing as it sounds, you might need to start scheduling time for intimacy — or at least committing to once a week, by hook or by crook (which, bonus, could force you to get creative). “Ruts beget ruts,” says Kerner, noting that when you go without, your body actually becomes accustomed to lower and lower levels of testosterone. On the flipside, he says, couples (not just parents) who are intimate at least once a week report better relationships and quality of life overall.
Postpone that argument
You know that fight you always have? Stop having it. Make a three-month plan for not solving problems, suggests couples therapist Sharyn Wolf, author of This Old Spouse: The Do-It-Yourself Guide to Restoring, Renovating, and Rebuilding Your Relationship. The money fight, the recycling fight, whatever: you’ll have it on May 15, time TBA. Until then, not a word. “See what you’d be doing if you weren’t having that fight,” says Wolf. “Sometimes it uncovers something else that was really bothering you; sometimes it gives you so much energy you take on something new. And sometimes you realize maybe it wasn’t such a huge deal after all.”
Use “we” when you fight — and in general
You’ve probably heard this one, but they just checked again and found that spouses who use pronouns like “we,” “our,” and “us” when describing points of disagreement are better able to resolve conflicts than those who use “I,” “me,” and “you.”
A guy who, instead of the texts of calls – or will not use the term “we” – can not stick around long.
This often happens: you’re dating someone and still it does seem that you want, but you sense he is not gunning for a serious relationship. So what are the specific signs that this guy the most pleasant things Will does not stick around long term? I saw the signs a million times, but just to confirm my suspicions, I asked a guy named Mike that real tends to make when he does not intend to finish in a relationship with someone he meets. Here are 11 telltale signs:
1. He calls instead of text, or it more often than he calls texts. When a guy likes a girl, he wants to hear his voice. “SMS is not an easy way to communicate is an easy way to avoid communication,” says Mike.
2. He finds reasons to blow or be late more often not. Maybe it is just flaky and disorganized, you say? Do not make excuses. If a guy loves you and wants to continue to go out with you, he will find a way to do it. Mike adds, “I’ll come to work one hour earlier if I get time to pick up cooking ingredients for a dinner with someone I love.”
3. He talks to his ex-girlfriends. Nothing makes a man forget his ex as a girl he wants to be with. If he continues to talk with an ex is the first sign that he may not be over a girlfriend before and he’s just not for you.
4. It saves you the introduction to his friends. He should be proud of you, will you show, and we want to include you in her life.
5. He avoids even minor cases of intimacy in public. “Listen, guys are not all comfortable with a PDA. Not everyone likes to go out for the world to see. But when I really love someone, no matter what I am generally comfortable, I will at least put my arm around her and give her a kiss on the cheek.”
6. It does not use the pronoun “we” or use it in the future. If he speaks of a great restaurant, he discovered new, but not add, “We must go there some time,” and perhaps, he said simply “I go a lot”, so that it is not interested in sharing things with you. More: “The guys that are girls want to explore with them and not sit on the couch every day,” says Mike.
7. It is not something sweet for you at least once a week. This does not mean that you buy a dozen roses, but he would have said or done something that made you go “Aw!” In the last seven days.
8. He does not ask questions about your family and friends.
9. It does not run under 80% of the things you do together. “I call it the 80/20 rule,” said Mike. “When I do not like a girl, the 80% reduces considerably. I’m not even aware. I’ll get off the phone and never close the conversation with a set of plans. “Note that it does not need to have specific plans, but it should at least be” Come hang out later this week and we will do dinner. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
10. He does not remember your first birthday month.
11. He has not posted a picture of you and on Facebook in the first two months of the date. The guys who are happy to tag and post your beautiful face!