Dating advice for shy singles
Confident types of share tips on how to get out of your shell and get the attention of the opposite sex.
Talk to other dates, as they are your friends, not possible
It might seem absurd to discuss a potential love story in the same way as you would a friend, but this trick may be just what you need to put your nerves at ease. “Talking to a guy like it’s just a friend removed the pressure,” says Jessica Slotnick, LCSW, psychotherapist in New York. Kateri Lopez, 25, of Bronx, NY, agrees: “I talk to a guy like he is my brother, just not a special, “she said. “When I’m out, I’ll usually just be like” Hey, what’s up? Are you having tonight, have fun “It puts me at ease? -. And he, too ”
Be aware of your body language
Shy people often unintentionally appear cold and distant, while the simple fact that their body language sends “away” signals. To avoid this, “holding something in your hand to prevent you sit back,” says Robin Gorman Newman, author of How to Marry a Mensch. And the self-proclaimed wallflower Lauren McCormick, 20, of Lexington, KY , shares his secrets to appear open and friendly to a party – even when she feels nervous: “To feel more comfortable in social gatherings, I want to help the host with something that needs finishing” she said. “It gives me something else to focus on other than to force a conversation. Offering refreshments to people always seems to lead to an easy, smooth conversation.”
Use friends to your advantage
Shy people tend to be more confident when they are in their comfort zone, so when you go out, it’s a good idea to take a few close friends to support them. Beth Shapouri, 28, New York, NY, said she is always helping her shy friends branch out and talking to strangers is an attractive team. “It is generally easier if there are more of you so you can tag-team of the individual to a cute way,” she says, explaining how she and her friends have a plan to attract the interest of a group of guys sitting next to them overnight.
“We started talking loudly about how we were curious about what the guys were talking about,” said Shapouri.” They heard “us and filled us in. I told them our theme was better, and they agreed… and we spent the next four hours.” Just make sure you are not with too many friends because packs of people can be intimidating. “Going out with two friends is perfect,” says Slotnick. “You have a backup if one leaves the group, but you can not come off as someone who is unavailable because you are with all your friends. The object of your attention will be more comfortable to make his way over. ”
Temper your expectations
There is no one there who has not time and again made the mistake of a movie night, saying, “Tonight I’m meeting someone!” But Newman insists that you need to abandon this approach. “Sometimes single set their expectations so high they get anxious and put too much pressure on them to meet someone who takes away the fun,” she explains. “You have to tell you “It’s just another night.” The idea is simply to make a reasonable effort, whether or not you connect with a potential love interest. You can not control the outcome of the evening, but you can control your approach and mentality. “Lopez has an attitude anyone could imitate. “Once I went to a guy hard and told him I thought he was attractive,” she said. “He did not ask for my number, but I do not feel rejected. Not every guy will ask for your number but you can not be afraid. I just remember that these guys will not make or break my life. “Amen to that!
Set small goals for each output
Before you go out the door, take a minute to put a couple small goals for yourself. “If you go to a party, set a goal of how long you will stay – it will help your attitude before going out,” recommends Jodie Gould, bestselling author of the date like a man: For the man that you want. Not only strives toward a goal to focus, but it can also take the pressure off the situation, Gould says: “Just say to yourself,” What is an hour of my time? “In addition, the next time you could challenge you to stay at a party a little longer.” Another goal that you could target is “talking to at least one person,” she adds. Even if the night ends up being a bust, you may be surprised by how you feel, if you fulfill your short term goals – and you will wait to give him another chance.
See your shyness in a positive
Aggressive people may seem like they have everything you need, but the timid have attractive qualities, too – and these traits can (and should) be used to your advantage. “Shyness can be very sexy,” says Debra Mandel, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Healing the sensitive heart. “Shy people are often better listeners and more thoughtful than aggressive. They spend a lot of time watching others from outside the center of the action, so they often see things others do not notice and can provide important information about many people. All these qualities can be very attractive to the opposite sex.
“So have a little confidence boost knowing that people may be attracted to your fine… and do a little more of an effort to smile and open when you are approached. Dylan Solis, 25, of Athens, Georgia, said: “I do not like aggressive girls, as they generally want to be the center of attention all the time. The girls seem more mysterious calm, which makes me want to make the effort to learn know them better “Exactly. – Why throw all your cards on the table from the start? Make the most of your reserved nature!