Phone calls have been around for 147 years, the iPhone for 16 years, and FaceTime video messaging for about a week. With advances in technology, the way we communicate has changed significantly. Now people can talk to their smartwatches, have voice messages transcribed in real time, and make international calls without stressing about costs.
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Telephone norms are changing rapidly, leaving some people feeling left behind or confused. The unwritten rules of chatting on the phone also vary greatly between generations, and this can lead to misunderstandings on both sides.
The Washington Post spoke to a mamnner expert on this topic. And (for now) he’s created a guide to new phone conversation manner. Of course, all of this may vary depending on your relationship status, age, and the content of the search. And of course, the closer you are to someone, the more flexible the rules will be. (So we can continue to video call our mother, who suddenly comes to our mind while brushing our teeth.)
1) You don’t have to answer every phone call
Just because someone calls you out of the blue doesn’t mean you should pick up the phone. If you are at a restaurant, in the restroom, or in a meeting, mute the call and return at a convenient time.
“We can decide if it’s the right time to answer the phone,” says Lizzie Post, etiquette expert and president of the Emily Post Institute. To be more polite, send them a message. Smartphones allow you to send an automated text response when you can’t answer. And this method is very useful if you want to say that you can send a message but cannot talk or that you will be back soon. You should choose to add a custom reply from the settings or write something new each time. Because the default texts can sometimes seem a little rough.
2) Send a text message before calling
Calling someone without warning can be stressful for the other party. Instead, you can text him ahead of time and ask if he’s available to talk now or a good time to chat. If they’re someone you call regularly (like after work or just on Sunday afternoons), find out what their ideal times are.
Sometimes the text can give a sense of urgency and suggest that something important is happening. Clarify whether it is urgent or just to discuss. If it’s about a specific topic, state in the text what you want to talk about so he or she is prepared.
These steps are especially necessary for video calls. Video calling someone at an unexpected time can be distressing for both parties. You should not start a video call without notice.
3) Express emotions with voice, facts with text
There is no need to make a phone call for many things. When trying to decide the best method of communication, consider what you want to say.
Anything that requires nuance, like ideas or emotional topics (including venting or connecting on a personal level) is best done over the phone. Things like factual briefings, coordinating plans, etc. often work best in writing. However, if the topic is complex and will take a lot of time by creating text traffic, ask the other person if they are available to talk on the phone.
“I understand that sometimes communicating via text feels better because you’re not actually face-to-face with the other person, but you get some work done over the phone much quicker,” Post said.
4) Unless it’s an emergency (please) wait
If someone doesn’t answer your call, don’t hang up and call back immediately. If he hasn’t responded to your message about the missed call, don’t email him about it either. If there is an emergency, make it clear in a text message immediately.
5) Use video messages wisely
Voicemail messages are dead. Long live video messages! Apple recently introduced a new feature in its iOS 17 update that allows you to leave a video message when someone doesn’t answer your FaceTime call. This is a funny and entertaining feature, but keep in mind that not everyone will welcome it. (For example, one of our teammates is determined to unfriend anyone who leaves him a FaceTime voice message.)
6) Try not to move too much during video calls
During video calls via FaceTime, Google Meet, Zoom or Skype, you should give your full attention to the other person. Place your phone somewhere so that your entire face fills the screen (not just your forehead and nose) and stay there until the call ends. When people move around during a video call, it can be confusing for the person on the other end. If you want to move around and do chores while talking, you can switch to voice calling.
7) Do not use loudspeakers in public
According to a new TikTok trend, many people love to overhear the gossip of strangers. But using a loudspeaker in public is generally considered inappropriate behavior. Whether it’s a voice or video call, use a headset or postpone the call for later. However, as you know, the headset only solves half of the problem; because people may still have to hear you talk. If you’re in a crowded area like an office or store, be mindful of other people’s personal space and be aware of the volume of your voice.
Making video calls in public places is also a sensitive issue. Remember that there are strangers around you who did not agree to be in the image you captured. They may also see something on your screen that they shouldn’t. Wound your frame according to all this.
8) Don’t forget to reconsider searches
With iOS 17, Apple introduced a new feature that transcribes voice messages in real time. Also, if you are an iPhone user, you can decide whether or not to answer the phone while the caller is talking. This is a welcome return for those old enough to own an answering machine. You can also use this feature to prevent calls from unknown numbers.
This feature is still very new. For this reason, we will all see what the consequences of ignoring people who have nothing significant to say will be.
9) Don’t stop talking on the phone
Phone calls are not dead! While picking up the phone is less common than it used to be, it’s still a great way to communicate. Because it can be good to ‘hear’ someone’s voice, and talking in real time can strengthen our relationships and reduce feelings of loneliness.
10) Don’t leave voicemails (not on WhatsApp)
Voice messages left after the ‘beep’ by people whose calls you cannot answer (answering machine messages called voicemail in English) are the fashion of the days before written messages. If you have information that needs to be conveyed in a timely and complete manner, it may be a better idea to put it in writing as a text or email. Because most phones now transcribe voice messages, so people aren’t listening to what you say, but are probably reading a (not properly) text version instead.
Exception to the no voicemail rule; Sharing some kind of audio experience with people who want to hear your voice no matter what you say. Think of your closest friends and family members wishing you a happy birthday, a text from your friend at a Taylor Swift concert, or a simple “I love you” message.
However, if you have a long story you want to tell, you may consider sending it as a voice note.
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