What we called as “I” is the wreck of what we already had to lose.
You cannot be a completely desolate person. There is no isolation from the society voluntarily. We all need each other’s voice, smell and texture. Even though the minds of those who think that they are not in need are right, their souls are an unresolved mourning left from the first relationships.
Relationality is older than human history. Because being connected in one way or another is not unique to homosapiense. There are dynamics belonging to differentiating relationships over the ages. These differences emerge with a higher momentum when it comes to recent human history. From the beginning of the twentieth century, family, spouse, colleague, lover, spouse relations are constantly changing.
Ties and borders stretch and contract. For example, the ties that we take into our lives with the election are more important than the ones that are born into them. On the other hand, individualism stands out in a way that cannot be found in more collective cultures. A person who cares for his individuality, uniqueness, demands and limits can prefer a serious distance in relationships and become desolate.
In another approach, it cannot establish safe connections with people, it is avoidant, it plays illegally. It is argued that such an association may be a matter of preference. Because we have information that this attachment style comes from our first relationship, our mother bond. Therefore, the relationships we establish with friends or lovers do not enter our repertoire suddenly, they can continue to evolve and evolve until the end of their life.
This process is painful, of course, we can find, catch, swallow, and then swallow it in another relationship. In short, our relationship in the relationship depends not only on the dynamics in us but also on the reflection in the other and its reflection on us. If there is a relationship between two people, those two are also related to the relationship between them. A difficult equation…
A new phenomenon started to be mentioned for dating relationships in this period. Perhaps the person you met maybe once or twice disappeared without making a statement. Its name is called “Ghosting”, in fact the word comes from the word ghost, which means ghost, but as far as I can see, it means not only ghosting / being a ghost but also “leaving a shadow.” The truth of the business means a lot in both ways. If it was a ghost metaphor, after the loss of the relationships we had, the law would point to the break with the pain.
At the same time, even if the shadow was gone, he would describe the losses that hit the shadow very well. Imagine that someone came across you on one occasion. You put your time, attention, emotions, mind on the table. As Edip Canseverin said, perhaps he put on the table “He put what’s on his mind, What he wanted to do in life, He put it here”. The duration of this association is sometimes not very important. I saw ghost lovers who started and ended with lightning speed in a few weeks.
Because if the ghost retreats on its own, its shadow remains in the life of the shipowner. The night of the person you talk to with the wishes of good night, ‘the picture is gone’ in the fashion expression. What can replace the one you found late and lost early? Abandoned turns to himself, questions, flushes for a while. Fortunately, anger and rebellion begin. The laments are burned to those who leave, and the swearing are tossed in the air. To repeat a frequently spoken word: Every separation is the repetition of the first separation.
We do not engage in relationships without a load. In the sack on our back, there is the burden of all love or friendship relationships. For this reason, friendships gained in early childhood and adolescence can be unique. Because you experience everything related to association together. Generally, it is said that adult friendships do not replace the old ones. This doesn’t always have to be this way. In fact, relationships in adulthood are among those we choose more consciously.
At this point, the difference may be the following: The pure, unexpected, unconditional texture in the early friendships is somewhat reminiscent of the mother’s lap. But every old or new relationship is a bond with life. It is vitality, life resistance. It is possible to say the same for our private relationships. There is an epidemic that spreads like an epidemic in this age. There is a well-educated and professional segment, especially those who live in big cities, who do not know how to put the little energy left from the fatigue of the struggle until they can stand up and walk on their own.
Sexually oriented relationships, mostly for one or a few nights, come to these people more easily. There is a situation of not being able to keep up with the relations, whether women or men. The phrase “there is a connecting problem” is now widely used. Indeed, it is not easy to share these people who are compromised by the deepening of relations in a safe area. Because they have serious fears of trust, unrequest, sharing and devotion. Briefly, relationships are experienced with tiredness and fears.
The depth in the relationships is not easy. Just touching people does not soothe shakes in the soul. It is not in vain that there are at least two people in each relationship. Probably said by referring to ghosts and shadows. What can be done is to clean the fires before each established relationship, to be in the flow of the relationship, to put the ones in your pocket on the table, to continue to believe in humanity. I believe that there is a healing relationship for everyone. There are somebody who embraces us from the places we have broken after every frustration we have experienced. We need to be open to friendship, to depth, to love… We need this to remain human in this period.
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