You know, darling, I liked to say goodbye rather than tell the beginnings. For a few days, I’ve been turning a blank sheet and closing it all the time. Because I know myself, if I say goodbye to someone once, I can never go back.
I don’t know where to start, where and when we started, or exactly where we ended. I just remember some of the emotions I think, most of all, I guess. I’m where the water I jumped without knowing how deep it was eventually hit the rocks with the current. I’m breathing again. I can’t look back, I have time. Without thinking, perhaps without knowing, I changed everything with a step I took. My life, my heart and my mind, I have tied a rope to each of them, and it turned out to you… Now you have cut all of them, my freedom to me as if I was a grace.
And now, darling?
I would think of everything, but I couldn’t imagine the person who I shared the sky with, especially my thunder at night, would be so selfish. Were you so selfish with my hair in your nose? Did it ever occur to you that the rocks you’re swinging can be so hard? I didn’t come. I’m smashed. Thank you, darling, for relieving me of the storms you’ve been through. Thanks to you, I’ve been a storm, and I don’t know how to relieve it. You said we weren’t bad people, but what definition? To me, selfish and unconcerned people are worse, darling, and those who keep their promises behind excuses are even worse.
One thing…
You didn’t subtract anything from me except one thing. My trust in you. Every time you hit a rock, you took it out of me. You took the reason I could hug you, sleep with you, maybe laugh at you, and you can never put it back. I don’t know what you’re trying to overcome in that choppy sea, but it’s the end of it, darling. I hope I’m not the first to look for you in your waters when you calm down. I know myself. If you come back when I’m myself again, I’m gonna strangle you on those rocks. I think it’s time to evaluate what I saw as love recently.
Maybe one day we will be thrown into the currents we never know again, but never in the same water, never with you. I’m gonna sit on the shore for now.
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