Love, Dating and Romance

In our society the main purpose of the engagement is to facilitate, by allowing a certain intimacy and privacy, the testing of personalities in order to see how well suited mates are to each other. This is more important than in the case of the formation of other dyadic relations, in as much as marriage is less revocable and lasts longer than do most other pair groupings. Such a period of exploration is more important in our society than in most others because of our emphasis on individual choice of marriage partner in a social universe characterized by extreme heterogeneity of cultural elements and extreme mobility from class to class.

If adjustment is at the crux of the problem, as we assume, then our central task ought to be that of trying to understand how men and women can best get along with each other and with society. Wholesome mate adjustment is blocked by neurotic traits in husbands and wives, more, perhaps, than by anything else. Mental hygiene, when practiced, makes for mature and well-balanced personalities; it tends to prevent undue tension and conflict in the social situation; it is the only way around marital difficulties, the only road leading to genuine adjustment.