Deception, one of the most important problems in relationships, is a devastating situation all over the world.
Many people say “my dear, my wife, does not deceive me” and live their lives accordingly. Otherwise, he has no preparation to admit that he has been deceived and to deal with it. There is an action that can steal their relationship, happiness and identity from the hands of a couple, the name is deceiving. Although infidelity, which is a kind of violation of the relationship limits, is quite common, its nature is not understood much. In real life, 60 to 75 percent of couples continue their marriage despite infidelity. Before judging, we need to understand their dynamics; why is it, how is it, when is it, what is the intention?
Deception with a simple definition means violating the standards and expectations in the relationship that exists as a result of an emotional and / or bodily relationship with third parties / persons other than existing coexistence.
What are the reasons for deception?
What you will usually find in the center of deception is longing and desire for an emotional bond, innovation, freedom, independence, sexual intensity. It is a wish to find the lost piece again, or an effort to fulfill the lost life energy. At this point, we can call it an attempt to find what you are looking for. The woman says, “What did she find in this that she is cheating on her wife like a rose?” So there is something missing. Individual nature is shaped on belonging, caring, self-confidence and the need to appreciate. If these are not met in the relationship, a feeling of loneliness arises and the person tries to eliminate loneliness.
On the other hand, we can also call the deception as “looking for another self”. That is, for example, a woman can say that she is feeling someone who cleans the house, cooks, looks after the children, waits for her husband, and gets compliment, approved, and feels strong, when she tells her motivation to cheat. The basic need here is the need to feel valuable, valuable and special, briefly the desire to be desired.
According to the data obtained, an average of 25% of men and 11% of women cheat at least once in their marriage. So, is every deception happening in unhappy marriage dynamics? It’s not just the result of unhappy marriages. Since the person was unhappy in the past, he shows this tendency when he changes his partner and expects that he will be even happier now. 56% of cheating men and 34% of women have a happy marriage. This is confusing. Here, a kind of impulse comes into play, perhaps the search for excitement, maybe the fulfillment of the imperceptible deficiencies in the forbidden relationship.
Although it is a feature attributed to men, we can also say that women tend to deceive. In fact, due to the fact that women are more involved in working life, access to other people is easier, so the difference between men and women has decreased. However, there is a difference that achieving more emotional satisfaction than the emotional satisfaction in the relationship they have for women is a reason for deception, while sexuality is a priority for men.
Another of the curious questions is why are people cheating instead of leaving? Lust, love and loyalty, which are three different brain systems in human, do not always manifest simultaneously and work together. Therefore, while feeling loyal to a long-term partner, love can be felt towards someone else at the same time. A safe and specific area has been created with the spouse with whom a marriage bond is established. People do not want to leave this area easily. Thus, both loyalty and love needs are met at the same time.
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