Second (maybe third) act with an ex lover? It’s true, according to research, couples who reunite after separation are more likely to experience conflict. However, this does not mean that any separated couple cannot have a healthy relationship again.
What matters is the reason for the initial breakup and whether it can be resolved the second (or third!) time. There are times when it is appropriate to go back to an ex and there are times when it is not. You can review the following items to get an idea about this issue and test whether you have a second chance.
You Deserve a Second (or Third) Act…
With the right person at the right time
If you met the right person at the wrong time and had to break up due to timing errors, that relationship definitely deserves a second chance at another time.
For example, the time you first met may have coincided with the most career-oriented period of your life. You’ve been so busy at work that you’ve never been able to find regular time for a romantic relationship. In such a situation where it is not possible to meet your partner’s expectations regarding the relationship, it is naturally not possible to build and maintain a healthy relationship.
If you think that you now have more favorable conditions to maintain the relationship, you can consider the option of returning to your ex.
In a more “mature” time
If you used the time apart from your ex to grow and mature, your chances of being a better partner on the second try are usually high.
Especially couples who met when they were young sometimes need to grow up a little, understand what they expect from life, that is, need to be alone for a while. There is nothing majorly wrong with either side. There is just some lack of experience and self-reflection. It will take some time to complete this…
If you think that you have matured and become stronger during your time apart from your ex and you feel ready to return to him/her, you can give this chance to both of you.
You Don’t Deserve a Second (or Third) Act…
In the presence of infidelity
Once a cheater, always a cheater, it cannot be claimed that his point of view is always correct. But the truth is that a long-term relationship cannot be built on lack of trust. It is very difficult, even almost impossible, to fully regain trust in human relations once broken.
If your relationship has been tested with infidelity and has failed, this will always appear as a problem throughout that relationship. And as a big problem.
Especially when there is a strong love, it is very easy to believe that things may be different next time, but unfortunately this is often doomed to result in disappointment. Honestly, if a breakup happened once because of infidelity, there’s no need to push for a second chance.
When it is difficult to imagine a common future
If you can’t imagine a shared future with your ex, trying again may not be the right decision, even if there’s nothing really wrong.
If you always see the next step as foggy when you are together, and no matter how you look at it, if you cannot reach a common future, you may have to do this, even if it is difficult to give up on it.
When you do otherwise, you set the stage for new disappointments. Don’t set yourself or your ex on a second path to disappointment. Sometimes it’s best to just keep moving forward without thinking too much.
In cases where you want to go back because you are stuck in a void
Don’t ever do this. Don’t consider going back to your ex because you can’t find someone new, because you feel empty, or just because you’re bored or it’s easy.
Similarly, even though you tried with others after the first breakup, do not try to go back to your ex because none of them met your expectations and, more importantly, because you know that your ex is “there”, that is, in your pocket.
It is neither right nor reasonable to return to an ex like a bad habit, knowing that it will harm yourself and the other person.
No matter what you’ve been through in the past, getting back together with an ex is a complex and sensitive decision. Therefore, give yourself enough time to think about what exactly led to the breakup. Analyze how you really feel about your separation and the idea of getting back together. Evaluate the situations listed above one by one. If you’re ready to start over and you believe your ex is ready, too, talk to your partner about how you can make the relationship healthier while giving it a second chance. Play your cards face up.
And if you’re nervous about getting back together, trust your instincts when making your decision. Ultimately, what matters is being happy in the long run, apart or together. Therefore, do not let the decision you make drag you into uncertainty; Make sure it contributes to your happiness.
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