Supportive relationship. I have been doing research on the phrase “supportive relationships” for a while. I review my relationships and ask myself: Do I feel supported in this relationship? If I think I am supported, how do I feel in the relationship in which I think I am supported? What does being supported mean to me?
In the Nonviolent Communication perspective, support appears as a need in the list of needs. Our needs are our source of motivation to survive our lives. My mind says, “He must support me.” “As a mother, I must support my child.” When I put aside thoughts of “obligation coming from a sense of duty” and focus on my body and the life energy within me, I can be free from the thoughts of my mind and connect with my living needs in my body. I am searching for the answer to what support means to me from the feelings in my body. When I look at my body, I connect with what “support as a need” means to me. When I have difficulty doing this, I remember a moment when I felt supported and focus on the feelings in my body.
You can accompany me, either now with my article or at the end of the article, by staying with yourself and thinking about a moment when you were supported and observing the feelings in your body.
When I remember a moment when I felt supported, I notice that my spine straightens, the life energy within me becomes stronger, and a distinct smile spreads on my face. The voice inside me: “Come on, you can do Burcu, you can do it. I’m with you. “I’m with you.” says. I feel energetic, motivated, strong and confident. Everything I need to take action is with me. When I realize how I feel when I’m supported, I become clearer about what being supported means in my world.
When I express an idea that comes to my mind, when I attempt to carry out a project that I want to realize, when I turn inward with despair in the face of a difficult situation, when I am indecisive, when I cannot find the strength within myself to take a step, I say, “I am here. I’m with you. I see your situation. I am ready to give my best support on how to achieve this issue. What can I do for you?”
For me, hearing expressions that not only say and say but also encourage me to reveal better possibilities, rather than expressing the possible negative consequences of my choices during the process, means being supported. At the same time, for me, it means being supported by someone carrying that weight instead of me or with me when I am carrying a weight that I have difficulty in carrying out or that my physical strength is not sufficient for. For me, buying a product that I cannot afford as a gift means being supported.
It is for me to be supported and take over the responsibility of picking up, meeting, bringing and taking my child when it comes at a time that does not fit into my work plan. For me, it is important to share information and be supported so that I can clarify when I am indecisive. For me, being supported means having one of my teammates do the work that I am expected to do instead of me at a time when my technical capabilities are inadequate.
When I think about the need for support in my world, these things come to life right now. Can you multiply the examples according to your own world or get clearer on your own examples?
From this perspective, I am filled with gratitude for the times I was in supportive relationships. When I can establish supportive relationships with the people around me, I notice that the disagreements I experience decrease and the degree of impact I experience in disagreement decreases.
On the other hand, when I am not in a supportive relationship, when I express an idea that comes to my mind, I am either not heard, or my idea is underestimated and possible negativities are listed, and this pulls my life energy downwards. When I attempt to carry out a project that I want to implement, I have to hear about the unpleasant situations that I will encounter.
This situation negatively affects my courage and motivation. When I turn to myself in despair in a difficult situation, I say, “We already told you, this decision was wrong.” I experience moments like this where my anger at myself increases and my feeling of helplessness increases. In situations where I am indecisive, when I cannot find the strength within myself to take a step, I pacify myself by not being able to make a decision.
That’s it; Despite the beauty of the effects of establishing supportive relationships that nourish life energy, unfortunately, unsupportive relationships have a decreasing effect on life energy. For this reason, I wanted you to evaluate your relationships with people with whom you have disagreements from this perspective. Because if you are not in a supportive relationship, you may be more likely to experience disagreements, which are an inevitable fact of life.
However, in supportive relationships, your likelihood of being heard and seen with your intentions increases, and the nourishing and supportive effect on your life energy created by the person who turns to you with the energy of contributing to your well-being increases your motivation to contribute to his or her well-being. This may result in fewer conflicts.
For this reason, I invite you to look at the disagreements you are experiencing from this perspective. However, before this, I would like you to be clear within yourself on what support means to you and what supportive actions are in your relationships.
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