‘What I’m feeling… Luck, relief and shame…’
The United Nations said on Tuesday that more than 2 million people fled Ukraine with the invasion of Russia. It is estimated that as many as 4 million people, roughly 10 percent of the population, may eventually leave Ukraine.
The war in Ukraine deeply affected men as well as women and children. While the government’s decision for the men to stay and fight in Ukraine was clear, some had already crossed the line. While some said they were ashamed of it, others found it no more terrifying than war. Here is the shameful story of men who chose not to fight for different reasons…
Thinking about the possibility of spending his last moments with his family, he proceeded towards the Ukrainian border. Dmitri Alexeev, 34, was trying to persuade his two children in advance that they would probably not cross the border together. When they arrived at the checkpoint, Alexeev handed the border guards medical documents stating a head injury as a child, without uttering a word.
The Ukrainian guard carefully looked at the documents. And although Alexeev had a hard time believing it, he was now in Moldova. He was still with his family and was one of the rare Ukrainian men to do so.
Instead of being taken to a War zone, he was taken by volunteers to the Moldovan capital. Two days later, while she was waiting for a bus to Germany, her daughter snuggled up to her. He was able to describe exactly what he felt at the time in these words: luck, relief and shame…
“I feel guilty because we are safe,” said Alexeev, although it was comforting to have his family around.
The overwhelming majority of the massive influx of refugees from Ukraine consists of women who have been forced to separate from their husbands and fathers. Most Ukrainian men aged 18 to 60 were forbidden to leave the country in anticipation of being called to war. Zelensky also appealed to men that it was heroic to stay and fight in the country.
But there are also exemptions for some men. Fathers with three or more children and people with medical problems can leave the country. Of course, there are ways to sneak out; like bribing border guards, trying to escape unattended sections of the border.
What was clear among the men leaving Ukraine was that their decision could both save and shatter them.
Who is luckier?
Karimov Dzhakhanhir, 48, who learned that a friend in Kiev was texting him from a bomb shelter, said: “I left everything behind. “My job, my house, everything I’ve earned in life,” he said. So who was luckier? His friends were still at war, and he was lying in a small refugee bed that he shared with two of his five children.
“People are very scared and lost,” said Dzhakhanhir, who was born in Azerbaijan but has Ukrainian citizenship. “Nobody knows what to do.”
He helps refugees because he is ashamed
Ukrainian men the Washington Post spoke to at the Moldovan border described how they left their country. A 38-year-old said that he fled Odessa with his family in the first hours of Russia’s occupation, but then, shyly, started volunteering to help newly arrived refugees.
“I can only call it fate. I am ready to be returned,” he said.
Others, like Alexeev, said that achieving this would depend on nothing but the border guards. And Alexeev was not sure that the documents he had given to the guards would suffice.
There are those who pay to escape
Some men also said they used illegal outlets. One of the men they spoke to at one of the refugee centers said in a vague whisper that he had joined a group of Jews he had heard from a rabbi in Kiev, for which people paid 2,000 to 7,000 euros. Despite the money they paid, only some of them managed to cross the border.
“We just wanted to live and escaped hell.”
Other men at the same refugee center described how a bus dropped them off in an open area separating Ukraine and Moldova. A 24-year-old man from Kiev, who was a medical student just two weeks ago, said being caught by Ukrainian guards would potentially mean interrogation and joining the battle. To him, escaping illegally was pretty scary. But it wasn’t any more terrifying than what happened in his country.
Therefore, although he was afraid, he illegally crossed into Moldova. He also received documents that gave him the right to be legally present in Moldova. There was one thing missing: the Ukraine exit stamp.
“So I don’t know how to go back.” said.
Some days only men cross the border
A Poland-based spokesperson for the United Nations refugee agency said few Ukrainian men of military age were among the new arrivals. However, Oleg Palii, who deals with asylum cases, said that many men come to Moldova. He even stated that on some days only men crossed the border.
Andriy Demchenko, spokesman for Ukraine’s state border guard service, said that men between the ages of 18 and 60 who were not allowed to leave the country were turned away. He stated that those who pass illegally will face some penalties if caught.
They benefited from dual citizenship
A 32-year-old IT specialist from Kiev, who stayed in the military barracks in Chisinau, said that he and his 57-year-old father managed to cross the street without any problems. Because they were dual citizens, they had crossed over in their non-Ukrainian identity. Although the 32-year-old man talked at length with his father about whether they were doing the right thing, the war had forced them to make a terrible decision. Father and son acknowledged that they put their own interests above the interests of their country.
“I don’t feel like a traitor,” his son said. He thought it was natural to choose to protect himself.
‘Even I feel like I’ve escaped’
62-year-old Svetlana Mihailenko, who came to Moldova without taking even a member of her family with her, said that her “whole life and soul” was left behind. Because he left his two grandchildren, son and daughter-in-law in Ukraine. Evacuation tired the elderly more emotionally and physically. In fact, most people over the age of 60 did not want to leave Ukraine, even if the officials were to help.
But Mikhailenko had somewhere to go. His next stop after Moldova would be England. While waiting for his visa, he received a message from his son: “Everything is fine, please don’t worry.”
He realized that there were many men around him at the time, most of them men his son’s age…
“I don’t judge the men who are here. They will have to live with their choices,” says Mihailenko. “Even though I’m a woman, I feel like I’ve escaped.”
He wanted to go back but…
Alexander Omelchenko’s story was a little different from the others. He never wanted to escape. Together with their friends, they devised a plan to ensure the safety of their wives and children. Accordingly, men would take women and children to the Ukrainian border and help them get to the capital of Moldova. Omelchenko had a chance to accompany him in this final step. Because despite identifying himself as Ukrainian and hating Russian President Vladimir Putin, St. He was born in St. Petersburg and holds a Russian passport.
“This was my entry ticket,” Omelchenko said. he was saying.
But his plans quickly began to go awry. When he tried to enter Ukraine after leaving the women in a safe zone, the border guards wouldn’t let him pass.
“I could read in their faces that they hated me,” she said.
The options around him were collapsing one by one. He could fly to Russia, but that would mean betraying his wife and 13-year-old daughter. He could have stayed in Moldova, but for what? While he was in this predicament, his wife had already gone to Romania, where she heard that Russian citizens had trouble entering.
He spent one night in the army barracks, then another. His friends were trying to negotiate with the Ukrainian authorities so that he could re-enter the country. But all this time, Omelchenko had witnessed many families breaking up. He had also witnessed his friends saying goodbye to their wives and children at the border.
“I’ve never seen them cry before,” she said.
There were many bureaucratic obstacles in both directions, but now he knew what to choose. Rather than return to Ukraine, he chose to reunite with his wife and daughter.
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