More than a question. Who is responsible, the cheater, the deceived or the third party?
In our “More than a Question” series, this time we ask ‘Who is responsible for betrayal?’ We are looking for an answer to the question. The cheater, the one being cheated on, or the third party? We have discussed all aspects of the issue of betrayal with different opinions and expert commentary.
No one starts a relationship to break up or gets married to divorce. However, relationships can end and marriages can end. It’s not about breaking up, it’s about how it happens. Some prefer the path of ‘betrayal’.
Although the person who cheated is generally seen as the main culprit, sometimes “Who knows what happened that he cheated?” It can be said that the betrayed person can suddenly become guilty. Of course, there is also a third-person dimension. If there is betrayal in a relationship, the question that comes to mind is “Isn’t the third person at fault?” comes the question.
Here are different views on betrayal in relationships and comments of relationship and marriage counselors…
“We need to look at the conditions”
Veronica T. (29)
The conditions and psychology of the betrayer should also be taken into consideration. For example, if a person is married but feels lonely, a third person who notices this may seek time to create an opportunity. In this case, the culprit is the third party. He takes advantage of the weakness of the lonely person.
In a betrayal where the relationship is going well and well, the betrayer is guilty. He disrespects the third person, himself, and the main person in his life.
If the betrayed person isolates the person he/she is in a relationship with and focuses his/her attention on other things and does this knowingly and does not do something even if he/she can do something, it means that he/she has already taken the risk of being betrayed.
“The third person makes that mistake to himself, he has no involvement in the relationship.”
Terry A. (34)
In my opinion, if there is love, a third person cannot destroy a home or relationship. The third person is the effect, not the cause.
If the third person knows that the other person is married, then it can be said that he is guilty, but I think what he did is ethically wrong. He is doing the wrong thing to himself, to his own life.
I do not think it is right for him to be blamed because he has no responsibility towards the deceived person. Because he is not the one who is married or in a relationship with someone else.
Marriages or relationships are lived between two people, and those who have the responsibility towards each other are the ones living the relationship. Third parties have no involvement in this situation.
Why cheat when you have the option of leaving?
Margit E. (32)
I say this without distinguishing between men or women; If there is cheating in any marriage, one should first look at the dialogue between the people in that marriage and how they get along with each other. As a result, it becomes clear who is at fault. But even if you are right, cheating when you can break up is a lack of character and a reason for being in an unfair situation.
‘So, isn’t there any guilt in being with a married woman/man?’ If you ask, I would answer, “It is possible that the other person does not know that he is in a relationship.” If he doesn’t already know, it means there are two people who have been deceived. Even if he knows, I cannot say that he is not at fault, but most of the blame, almost all of it, belongs to the betrayer.
“There is no excuse or compensation for cheating”
Kevin Y. (24)
Relationship and Marriage Counselor Opinion
If the marriage is not working out, if one of the parties has run out of feelings and started liking someone else, it is discussed, and if it needs to end, it ends. But if a person opens his eyes and heart to others without choosing to talk to his spouse, I think there is no excuse or compensation for this.
On the one hand, not ending the relationship by saying ‘don’t spoil it’, and on the other hand, looking for excitement, liking someone else or falling in love with someone, whatever you say, is complete hypocrisy. You should either end your current relationship and move on. If you can’t do that, you should remember that the other person deserves respect. Because betrayal is, first of all, disrespect. It is first disrespect for yourself and then disrespect for your partner.
Of course, a third party can be held responsible in accordance with social moral rules, but sometimes being unaware of the other person’s marital status or relationship status can make the individual an accomplice to a crime that he or she does not choose. The deceived person’s indifference, making mistakes, etc. At most, it can pave the way for the end of the relationship. But this never means that he deserves to be cheated on. Otherwise, we need to open a debate about whether the person who is subjected to violence deserves it. Because being deceived is also a kind of psychological violence and no living creature deserves to be deceived.
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