Living with the assumptions that we will always be happy after marriage, we will never argue is in fact contrary to nature. Because sometimes, whatever we do, discussion is inevitable. Maybe we’re bored in the workplace, maybe we’re upset about a news we receive, but we’ll reflect this, so to speak, we need a sacrifice.
This ‘lucky’ person is usually our partner. But the act of reflection manifests differently in men and women. Of course, both sexes may have very different reactions and emotions in themselves, but the thinking structures where the man and woman are basically different are more or less the same.
In his book Men from Mars, Women from Venus, John Gray examined the conflict between men and women and proposed solutions to our common problems. According to Gray, the basic emotional needs of men and women are different. It is more difficult for couples who do not discover them and behave accordingly.
While women primarily want to satisfy their feelings of compassion, understanding, respect, commitment, justification, and assurance, men, in general, give priority to acceptance, trust, appreciation, appreciation, approval and encouragement. And when couples treat each other according to their own emotional priorities, problems arise. For example, a woman who needs her husband’s compassion when she has a problem may think that she should approach the man in the same situation with compassion. However, according to Gray, men often interpret this situation as an intervention in their own space.
In another example, when a woman consults her husband about something that upset her, she might say, ‘It’s ridiculous, you shouldn’t bother it. Erkek Because this is the equivalent in his own world. But here, the woman needs not to hear that the issue is something to be upset about, but to satisfy her feelings of justification and assurance.
Failure to support our differences in this way creates anger and discussion begins. Therefore, instead of giving each other what they want to receive, they should accept their different emotional needs and adjust the way they show their love to their interlocutors. Otherwise, as Gray says, “Both men and women always think that they give, but they never buy.”
Harmony and waves
Let’s say that a woman feels close to her and shares it with her husband on a very special matter. When he thinks that he will be much closer with him after this event, on the contrary, he encounters the man getting away from him. Gray likens this distance to the lengthening of a tire. The unstretched ends of the rubber strip are closest to each other. That’s when men feel the need for autonomy, instinctively withdrawing themselves, that is, the tire grows longer. After this tension, they quickly return to the nearest state. But because the woman has gone away for much more emotional reasons, she can misunderstand the elongation of this rubber strip.
What needs to be done is to wait for the tire to return to its original state instead of trying to bring men back from their emotional distance. After a while, when the man comes back and acts as if everything is normal, if the woman continues his life without punishing him, this temporary situation is easily overcome and the frequency decreases. Of course, again, the assurance that the man will return to the woman in these trips is another factor preventing the conflict.
Just like men leave for no reason, women fluctuate. Read from John Gray: “A woman’s self-evaluation rises and falls like a wave. When it hits the bottom, it’s time for an emotional cleansing. Women Women who experience emotional tides, with the effect of certain days, often need more attention and love when they hit the bottom.
However, men who boast when they make their wife happy and always expect it to continue, think that this collapse is due to them. And they try to help by asking for the things that bothered them and producing solutions. According to Gray, the last thing to tell the woman why she shouldn’t be upset, or try to fix her and hope every formulas work right away. The real solution is to give interest and support and wait patiently for the woman to leave the bottom.
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