Tag: teen romances
There are two main channels of romantic interest for adults. First, there are the people you meet at a bar, at a party, or through an online dating site. In these scenarios, the mutual attraction and interest is often instant: you immediately ask each other out, or hook up, or date, or whatever.
Then there are the times when you meet people and mutual attraction is not assured. Your new co-worker, a friend’s roommate, your roommate’s sister, the guy who works at the coffee shop next door. Do they like you? You have no idea. But what you’re left with is what in high school parlance is referred to as a crush. Because of whatever complications, you don’t feel like you can just ask this person out. But you’ve got it for them, and you’ve got it bad.
As adults, we’re beyond doodling in notepads and feverishly writing diary entries — but we can still get a little weird about our crushes.
I asked a group of female friends to brainstorm how, exactly, they behave towards someone on whom they have a secret crush. Nobody does all of these things at once, but chances are, if you’ve ever had a crush, a couple of these bullet points will sound pretty familiar. (You could call some of these behaviors “creepy.” I prefer the adjectives “diligent” and “enthusiastic.”)
“Life would be so much easier if you could just be like, ‘YO. I’m in love with you,’ with no consequence,” one contributor said via GChat. Preach.
So, here you go. A no-holds-barred list of the things we do when we’re secretly in love with you.
“I laugh really hard when you’re within ear shot, and make sure I look super engaged with who ever I’m talking to.”
“I send you a link to an article about something we talked about once, in passing.”
“I get really dressed up when I know I’m going to see you and then act surprised/dismissive when you say I look nice. (‘Really? Huh. I just came from work…’)”
“I listen to songs I think you’d like on Spotify and hope you see them on my Facebook feed.”
“I all of the sudden get buddy-buddy with your friends.”
“I tweet about things that aren’t directly about you, but that I know will interest you.”
“I never leave the bar before you do — I don’t care how early I have to work the next morning.”
“I live in fear that you will somehow learn how often I visit your Facebook page.”
“I text you something random or ‘funny’ my coworker did, just to start the conversation.”
“I go out of my way to not seem jealous of other women, going so far as to force you to say tell another girl how pretty she is.”
“I change my GChat status to something I want you to see.”
“I find out everything I can about you and then pretend to be surprised when you tell me something about yourself in person.”
“I stand in the same circle as you but avoid eye contact and only talk to the person standing next to you.”
“If we’re sitting at a table, booth, or bench, I will sit closer to you than to the person on my other side. I will make sure our arms accidentally graze each other.”
“I take advantage of every possible opportunity to “@” you on twitter.”
“I go out of my way to walk by you on the way to the bar.”
“I spend parties standing in your line of sight.”
“I dress inappropriately for events because you complimented that outfit another time. (‘Aren’t you cold?’ ‘… no.’)”
“I google anyone I found out you dated/hooked-up with/were interested in, just to see how I measure up.”
“I make up a ‘work question’ that we need to have coffee / lunch / drinks to discuss, because I’d really like your professional opinion on the matter. (Ideally, I’d also like to make out.)”
“I have Skype, gchat, and Facebook chat always up just in case you sign into one of the three messaging platforms.”
“I invite you to a party I’m throwing. And then quickly invite 100 other people so you won’t suspect I singled you out.”
”I will remember a random fact or opinion you expressed a year ago, even when you don’t.”
“I Google myself so I know what comes up in case you randomly decide to google me.”
“I bring up a movie/concert/activity that I think you would like, in the hopes that you will express interest and that I can then casually say, ‘Oh, do you want to come with?‘”
“I reply all to a group email that you’re in just so my name comes up in your inbox to refresh your memory that I exist. I will labor over this reply for at least an hour before hitting ‘send’.”
Who says you have to be rich to plan a perfect night out with your sweetie? The next time you’re feeling romantic, pick from one of these cheap and fun date ideas. You’ll only need a little bit of cash (and maybe a little bit of love) to have a great time.
1. Make Dinner Together
If you’ve got time, start this date out at the grocery store. Pick up dinner fixings, then go back to one of your houses to prepare and eat. Spending time in the kitchen together is a great way to get to know each other – and if the dinner actually turns out good, that’s just icing on the cake. Plus, if your parents are home, this is a slick way of showing them what a good, wholesome couple you are.
2. Go for a Bike Ride
Biking’s a cheap, fun way to get your adrenaline pumping, and it’s great for shy people because there’s no pressure to talk the whole time. Pick a pretty route along a lake or hiking path, or just a quiet residential area by you. Plan it so you end up at an ice cream shop or lunch spot so you can cool off and chat a little.
3. Sing Karaoke
Once you’ve done karaoke in front of someone, there’s really nothing left to hide. Check to see if there are any karaoke nights in your city that allow teens. If there aren’t, pick up a copy of Karaoke Revolution American Idol – it’ll set you back less than 30 bucks (including microphones).
4. Check Out a Weird Museum
Sure, every town has an art museum – but where’s the fun in that? Oddball museums are way more likely to kick-start a conversation. Plus, lots of museums offer free admission on certain weekdays.
5. Go Bowling
Bowling’s an underrated sport. You can do it in all kinds of weather, you don’t have to be all that athletic, you barely sweat and if you show up late enough on weekends, there are colored lights and kitschy music. (Plus, how funky are those shoes?) And if you’re terrible at bowling, the ego boost you’ll give your date will just make them like you more.
6. Have a Picnic in the Park
Throw some sandwiches, cookies and sodas into a bag (or get more sophisticated with some prepared snacks from Whole Foods), head to the park and lay down a blanket in a shady spot. Don’t forget to bring stuff to do when you’re done eating. My top picks: flying a kite, playing jai alai (easier and more fun, in my humble opinion, than frisbee), playing one-on-one basketball or just people-watching.
7. Play Miniature Golf
After all these years, is there really anything more fun than putt-putt? It’s the classic cutesy first date for a good reason: it’s competitive but too whimsical to take seriously, you’re surrounded by people having fun, and the snacks for sale nearby (pizza, milk shakes and chili cheese fries) are cheap and perfect for sharing.
8. Go for a Nature Walk
Pick a pretty place in your town: maybe there’s a beach, a path through the woods, a mountain trail or an arboretum. If you’re not sure where to go, check your city guide. Bring some light snacks from home and take a nice, slow-paced walk, enjoying the scenery together. If you want to make it more interesting, bring a camera and see who can take the best pictures, or make it an earth-saving mission and collect trash along the way.
9. Have a Board Game Night
Board games bring out the competitive edge in people, which makes them perfect for that flirty ribbing that powers first dates. The best board games are made for more than two people, so consider making this one a double date.
10. Go to a Roller Rink
Even if you’re only a so-so skater, a roller skate date is almost always a winner. First of all, it’s romantic: hand-holding is totally inevitable, especially if one of you isn’t so hot on your feet. Second of all, with the high speeds and constant threat of collisions with 7-year-olds getting your adrenaline pumping, you’ll both have an unforgettable blast.
If you’ve developed feelings for one of your best friends, you know how scary it can be. Should you tell your friend you’re in love with them? What happens if they don’t love you back – will you lose their friendship? Get the answers to these questions and more. (The only answer I don’t have is whether or not they like you back. You’ll have to find that one out on your own.)
1. Make Sure You’re Sure You’re Really in Love
There’s a difference between having a passing crush on someone and truly being in love. For instance, if:
You’re on the rebound from another relationship
Your friend is on the rebound and acting vulnerable
Your friend got a new style and has been looking extra cute lately
Your friend just started dating someone, and they’re spending less time with you
Someone said that you and your friend would make a cute couple
You and your friend became close only recently
Then you might just have a temporary crush on your friend. Give it a couple of weeks and see if those feelings disappear on their own. If they do, you’ll be relieved that you never said anything.
2. If It’s the Real Deal, Is It the Right Time?
Even if you’re sure of your feelings, you shouldn’t necessarily reveal them to your friend. Don’t drop the bomb under any of these circumstances:
If they’re dating someone, it would be unfair to sabotage their relationship by sharing your feelings.
If you’re in a relationship, you need to decide who’s more important to you. If your friend wins out, then you should break up with your bf/gf no matter what. It’s not fair to date someone who’s only 2nd place in your heart.
If your friend’s going through some major stress – like if they’ve got a big game or test coming up, or if they’re coping with the death of a relative – hold your tongue until their stress has passed. It would be selfish of you to throw them one more bowling pin to juggle.
3. How to Tell Your Friend That You Love Them
So you’ve decided that you really do love your friend and that the timing is right. Here are some tips on how to tell them the big news:
Don’t just blurt it out in the middle of a conversation. Plan on a time and place where you can be alone with them, face to face.
Look in their eyes and drop the bomb with a short statement like, “I’m beginning to like you as more than a friend.”
Don’t use the word “love,” even if you’re sure you’re feeling it. “Love” is a big word, and you might scare your friend off whether they have feelings for you or not.
Keep your tone upbeat. If you act like you’re revealing something horrible to them, they might react like it’s bad news.
4. What If They Don’t Like You Back?
By having this conversation with your friend, you’ve made the decision that it’s more important to reveal your feelings than to live a lie by hiding them any longer. Even if your friend doesn’t like you back, you’re still better off than you were before, because now you know how they feel about you. (I know, I know…it doesn’t feel like much of a consolation prize.)
Your friend is probably hoping that you’ll both be able to forget this conversation ever happened and go back to being friends. That might not be so easy for you. If it hurts too much to hang around your friend, take some time to get over your feelings. You might be able to be friends again down the road, but don’t rush it. Do what’s best for your heart.
Is falling in love worth the risk? Should I guard my heart? These are questions every man asks when he thinks he’s falling in love.
When my wife and I began dating almost twenty years ago, I knew there was something different about her. My best friend was marrying her best friend and, although she and I had met, we really didn’t know each other. By the end of our best friends’ wedding weekend, she and I were dating.
There were so many things running through my head as our relationship progressed. Did I really want to fall in love now? Is this just convenient? How could I be sure she was the one?
Nearly 20 years later, I know falling in love with her was the best decision I ever made. Looking back, I could have been assured falling in love with her was a wise decision a lot sooner if I had asked myself five simple questions. If the answers to these questions are positive, she may just be worth lowering your defenses and falling in love with.
What type of trail does she leave behind?
Does she leave a trail of negative or positive outcomes? Did her past relationships fail due to her actions? Does she still have a good relationship with previous employers or did she leave in a negative way?
Don’t get me wrong: people can change. The problem is most don’t. Most people have previous relationships that didn’t work out. There is usually a pattern, and patterns typically continue to happen. So if she cheated on someone else with you, don’t be surprised if she cheats on you in the future. If she settled for her past relationship and left as soon as something better came along, take notice.
Looking back, I could have assured myself that my wife was the one. She had previous relationships, but not very many. The few she had were relatively long-term and they all ended peacefully. She had a pattern of only dating if she was serious about a relationship. She also had strong relationships with all of her former employers, which showed me she left on good terms. This also showed me she didn’t create a lot of drama. Study her past for a glimpse into her future.
Who does she spend time with?
I believe with all my heart that I can predict your future simply by seeing who you choose to spend time with. Understand that you are not going to like all her friends and they aren’t all going to like you. Don’t judge her based on one or two of her friends. Judge based upon the actions of the majority of her friends.
If all her friends are boring, make sure you are okay with boring. If all her friends are partiers, make sure you are okay with partying. If all her friends run around on their boyfriends, be careful. If all her friends are focused on their futures, odds are she will be as well.
My wife had friends that I enjoyed being around. (She still does.) I love to laugh, and her friends always seemed to have a good time. When we met, my wife’s friends were all in college working toward brighter futures. There were lines that most of her friends wouldn’t cross, and that was appealing to me.
Take a look at who she chooses to spend time with and it will give you a clue as to who she will become.
Is she focused on herself or others?
This gets to the core of who she is as a person. Does she have compassion? Is she forgiving of others or overly judgmental? Is it always about her? In order for relationships to work, the people involved cannot be selfish. Selfishness is the seed that blooms into action. Selfish action eventually causes most relationships to fail.
Tough times will come. If she’s selfish, she is more likely to quit than to try to work things out when the tough times come. Again, tough times will come. Be prepared.
My wife has always loved kids. She worked at a juvenile detention center when we first started dating because she loved helping kids that had not seen much compassion in their lives. Looking back, this should have assured me that she would support me when I made mistakes. It proved we had a similar desire to help others.
If she is focused on others, she will likely do the same in your relationship.
Opposites may attract, but similarities make them stay
How similar are you? Do you share similar beliefs spiritually or politically? These beliefs usually strengthen over time. This means any divide between you could grow wider and cause friction.
Are you similar physically? If you’re 100 pounds overweight, don’t expect the yoga instructor to stay interested over time. Do you have a similar vision of your future? If she wants kids and you don’t, you will eventually have a problem.
When my wife and I were dating, we talked about everything. There were areas we disagreed about, but for the most part we had the same beliefs and were in similar physical condition. We shared a common vision of what our marriage would look like in the future. These similarities have helped us grow closer while other married friends who were not similar drifted apart.
It is exciting to date someone who is completely opposite of you. Just understand that that excitement will eventually wear off.
Does she inspire you to be a better man?
Have you thought about changing some things you’ve always done? Are you more focused on your future since you started dating her? Are you more health-conscious, goal-oriented, or motivated to be a better man because of her?
My wife is my most trusted adviser and personal cheerleader. She encourages me when I need encouragement and gives me a kick in the pants when it’s needed. It hurts when I disappoint her because I want to be the best I can be for her. She inspires me and makes me strive to grow in all areas of my life. If she inspires you to be a better man, then she just might be the one.
Flirting is the first step to getting a date with that special guy. However, may school girls do not have an intuitive knowledge of how to flirt or proper etiquette and flirting techniques. Flirting is not a science nor should it be a complicated procedure. Flirting is supposed to be fun and is used to spark up potential romance using inside jokes, innocent innuendos and charming occurrences.
Don’t Forget Smiling
A boy will never know if you are in to him if you never flash him a glimpse of those pearly whites. Smiling is essential to the flirting process. In fact, you could say that it is the first step to starting a flirtatious relationship. It is also the easiest way to find out if a boy likes you too. If he smiles back or appears bashful, you can assume that he is having the same ideas. A smile is the spark that will light the fire under a potential relationship.
Dress to Impress
This doesn’t mean that you have to wear your Sunday finest, but put on something that lets him know that you want to appear attractive to him. However, do not wear something that is skimpy or too revealing or else he will get the wrong idea about what you are looking for. Wear nice clothes that are form fitting and cover everything up. Flirting is about measuring attraction between you and him. Just don’t be caught in your sweats or in a ratty T-shirt when you are around him.
A brief brush along the arm or a pat on the chest is a great way to let him know that you are interested. Listen to what he says when he is telling a joke and use the punch-line as an opportunity to laugh and innocently brush him on the hand. This will let him know that you are interested in more than just his jokes and that you are easy to talk to. Again, do not go too far; after all, it is “innocent” touching.
When flirting, do not try to be something that you are not just to impress him. You do not want to get involved with a boy that will not like you for who you are rather than who you are around him. Do not pretend to like all of his favorite shows or his favorite genre of movies just because you want to go on a date with him. Make him fall for you, not for a clone of him.
It is better to be honest up front than to embarrass even further in the future.
If you have already given a guy your phone number or agree to go on a date just because you did not want to hurt his feelings, you are a woman needs a game plan and an audit of the reality. Of course, you could have saved a moment of embarrassment by pretending to be interested at first, but now that you have set up for the worst rejection when you blow him later. A better approach? Use one of these polished manners to say “Thanks, but no thank you” – are collected from relations experts, gurus and meeting people who are as knowledgeable as you.
1. Be honest about your feelings
Tell a guy directly that you are just not that into him can make even the most wiggle an outspoken woman. Would it help if we assure you it is a little more harsh reality? And it will spare both you and your fiance anxiety future. Use “I” so he does not think he did anything wrong, says Susan Roane, communications expert and author of What am I saying then? Talk to your way of business and social success. “For example,” I really enjoyed talking with you, but I do not feel a connection “or” I think you’re obviously very good, but I’m looking for something else now and I want to be honest up front about our chances. “This may be a moment of discomfort, but he will walk away and recover. In fact, it will probably thank you for your candor.” Honesty is like a breath of fresh air, “says the Coach David Wygant dating. “The guys thank you.”
2. Reverse the typical gender roles
Let’s say someone comes to ask your number. When you request information at his place rather than giving your own, you put the ball in your court – which means you call the shots. Does not he know that this is a ruse? Most guys say it: “Do whatever he tells me is that she loves being in control,” said Jeff Wesson of Los Angeles. “It’s good for me. Then I’m not responsible when things are going. If she calls, great. If it does not, well. I will not lose sleep.”
3. Reset his sights
If you really enjoyed talking with him (but not enough that you can imagine to do a duet together), do not return empty-handed. Run through a mental checklist of your friends and colleagues singles. If one of them seems to fit the bill better than you, tell him you think he would get along with one friend of yours, take his number or e-mail and offer implemented, recommends Jean E. Carroll, Elle magazine advice guru and author of Mr. Right, Right Now. “If you flatter, you can not hurt his feelings,” she said. “And it can not be complimented if you are suggesting setting up with someone else.”
4. Apologize for the unavailability
Rather than a straightforward rejection, advocates Wygant said, “I’m sorry, I’m not really dating right now” instead. “What it really means, of course, is” I do not meeting, “but at least he can concentrate on being disappointed that he has just met you at the wrong time in your life.”
5. Play the Numbers Game
When you and your admirer have mutual friends, you can repel his advances by making it clear that you do not want to spend time with him in this group context – not as a couple. New York, only Jaime Costa explains how a woman uses the tactic on him: “A really cute girl joined our temporary staff, and on his last day, I said I would take him.
She replied, “Of course, it would be wonderful if we are all gone to – the whole team -. To celebrate “I immediately had the image that she was not interested in something more, but it was always fun to go out like that.” So if someone you like (but not that way) from your circle of friends, ask you out, you can simply respond by saying, “That sounds fun – I will ask others if they can join us!
In an ideal relationship, your partner always magical, borderline mentally know what you want. If you have to ask, it means you are in need or your partner is Clueless – and that, basically, your love is not meant to be.
Right? Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!
A beautiful relationship can feel like magic, but – as I learned from my own years of marriage – a very good relationship are not powered by magic. (Or, indeed, psychic abilities.) At some point, yes, your partner will develop a sixth sense on how to make you happy, but he or she will need some raw data first.
And if you are never able to articulate what you want, you will not get it, said Mark White, Ph.D., professor of political science, economics and philosophy at the College of Staten Island and Graduate Center of the City University of New York. Dr. White sees this problem – a common relations, especially as “needy” appears on the list many singles’ top 10 of the turn-offs – as a misunderstanding of the role and meaning of “altruism” when you are in love with someone.
Why put others first is not always a good thing
“Altruism” sounds like a good quality to have … and when it comes to volunteering, empathy, or the ability to feel connected to the world around you, it’s good. But in love, White says, there is a limit. As he recently wrote in his blog on PsychologyToday.com, White said that so-called “selfless love” – which again, seems ideal – it is really a paradox. Why?
“When you try too hard to be” disinterested “in a relationship, focusing exclusively on the needs of the other person rather than getting your own needs met, you do not let the other person do what ‘he or she wants to do, “said White.” You think it’s selfless to not express your needs, but is actually selfish, because your partner wants to know. ”
Have we not all our needs are met? Why should we remain silent? For Karen F., 40, of Washington DC, it was his reluctance to appear depends on the attention of a man. “I used to always tell my friends they do not need to call me all the time because I did not want them to feel as if I were them or put too much pressure demands on their time, “she said.” Then when I started dating my boyfriend, I said the same thing, and he replied: “OK, you do not want me to call you?” J ‘I realized how stupid it looked and realized it was all my own problems to work. ”
No doubt the problem of most concern to most parents during their children’s adolescence has to do with boy-girl contacts. There are practical, down-to-earth parts to this. Parts that deal with behavior and conduct–with how a boy or girl ACTS.
There are other parts to it also. Parts that have to do with how a boy or girl FEELS. Too often we talk about and work with the first part only. For feelings related to the sex drive have long been hard for us to deal with.
As a result, we are inclined to focus on how our children behave in their boy-girl relations. We are inclined to by-pass how they feel. It’s as if we were expecting them to handle their feelings automatically by the attention we pay to their acts. As with other things, however, we do better if we pay attention to both.
At the beginning of the puberal cycle, a small gland–the pituitary gland–located at the base of the brain sends out a secretion called the gonadotrophic hormone. This in its turn sets off growth of the sex glands, the testes in the boy and the ovaries in the girl. It stimulates them to produce sex hormones or endocrines of their own and eventually to manufacture mature sperm cells and egg cells.
The puberal cycle with these internal changes starts long before puberty proper. Though the girl’s first menses ordinarily come between twelve and fourteen, the changes inside her body start anywhere from nine to twelve; sometimes even as early as eight. Though boys ordinarily have their first seminal emission around thirteen or fourteen, the internal changes begin between ten and a half and twelve, in some boys even as early as nine.
As the internal changes progress, the outward changes come. These we notice as we observe our teen-ager’s growth. They proclaim to the world and to the opposite sex that childhood is being left behind. Here, for all eyes to see, finally stands a woman. There stands a man.
The puberal cycle, however, does not stop with puberty. Internal changes and often external growth continue for several years. It is probably a combination of the physical changes, the sight of the opposite sex growing into maturity and the perception of one’s own development that brings the upsurge of sex feelings and the increased interest in sexual concerns.
When boy meets girl in the early teens, hesitance is usual. On her part the girl is giggly and coy. She whispers and titters and has secrets with her girl friends. She seemingly shuts boys out. Perhaps this is because she is thrown together in school and elsewhere with boys her own age. These boys seem “babyish” and beneath her, since they are normally slower to develop. Till about fifteen, they are apt to be smaller. Their beards are pinfeathering and their voices quaver.
With disdain, the girl looks down on them. “That Bob! Those boys! They won’t dance. They won’t do anything!” with a snort. “They don’t know a horse from a cow. They don’t keep their ears clean. They actually smell!”
But give the same girl a chance at some more mature and noble-looking creature, then her interest crops out. “That Roy! Have you seen him? Let’s face it, he’s terrific! He’s six feet tall if he’s an inch. He simply walked away with the class election. I tell you, he rates! Only, do you know? One of the girls said he wanted to kiss her the second time they dated. That’s rushing it too much. But still, let’s face it, he’s cool!”
Nevertheless, if she suddenly finds her Adonis seeking her out, quite unexpectedly she may retreat. Ruth has been dying and sighing to be asked to the dance in the gym by a boy two grades ahead of her. However, when the invitation actually materializes, Ruth turns it down. “I was crazy to go,” she exclaims, “but I couldn’t. I’m crushed. I’ve never had such a bitter disappointment. What happened? Why can’t I go? Don’t forget there’s that tremendous assignment we got in English. Miss Zee’s a mean one. If I don’t get it done, well, you know . . .” lamely trailing off.
On his part, the boy in his early teens characteristically sneers or teases or turns on his heel at sight of girls. George, who is thirteen, says with contempt, “The girls in my class think they’re real cute. They act real conceited and real glamorous. But when you try to talk to them they just ignore you and act so big shot they give you a pain.”
Mike can’t see his older sister for dust. From his thirteenyear-old viewpoint he belittles her attractiveness and doesn’t see why any of the boys want to take her out. But one evening he sticks his head into her room to call her to the telephone and catches her half dressed. In spite of himself, young Mike lets out a whistle. “Oh, boy! Bosoms!” he exultantly exclaims.
Actually both boys and girls are tremendously conscious of the other sex and are reacting with body feelings that frighten them. The boy, seeing the girl of his own age as more of a woman than he is a man, often unconsciously identifies her with “Mother.” The earlier love-rivalry feelings then come rushing. His jeers then serve as self-protection to make himself keep himself away.
Somewhat later when he falls, he usually falls for a girl much older. This still is protection. He knows that “older women” are quite out of sight.
Similarly the girl entering her teens who yearns for an “older man of about seventeen” still holds the picture of an idealized father in mind, so that she is ordinarily her own dictator in insisting for herself that the arm-length policy prevail. She will hang on to the telephone betraying her interest in everlasting conversation about boys at first, and later with them. But she still must keep the distance safely between.
This might be termed the period of avoidance. A pause, as it were, in which to build courage. Some boys and girls seem to skip this period. Some go through it before they reach their teens. But when it exists with its various incompatibilities of boy wanting older girl and girl wanting older boy and the older ones of both sexes looking down on the younger ones, there are resultant barriers which either bother parents or let them breathe a sigh of relief.
Thirteen-year-old Dave’s mother was one of the bothered ones. She was overconcerned with her son’s lack of interest in girls. She arranged for him to go to dancing school. She invited girls over. She surprised Dave with a “gorgeous Valentine party,” and kept urging Dave to “be nicer to girls.”
However, when he crawled inside himself, becoming more morose and truculent, she decided she had better get inside herself for a change, at least for long enough to do some soul searching.
“Yes,”–she came up with a good discovery–“when I was twelve or thirteen, my older brother wouldn’t pay the least attention to me. I was utterly crushed. I see I’ve been identifying myself with the girls Dave neglects; as if I were in their boots, once more being neglected myself. I’ve been thinking of them and not of how Dave feels at all.”
The change that followed in her attitude helped Dave to be franker and more open.
“Girls,” he confided to her, “they’re just impossible.”
“I know.” She nodded, feeling with him at last. “I know they make for a lot of problems.”
“They sure do for boys.”
His mother’s mirroring of his feelings was far more helpful than her earlier proddings. It left him freer, when he became ready, to move ahead at his own speed.
In contrast, some parents try to delay things and are pleased if their youngsters are not concerned with the opposite sex. “He’s got plenty of time to go with girls!” Or “I’m grateful, believe me, that she doesn’t care about boys yet. I’ll have enough trouble on that score later.”
The age at which boys and girls become outwardly interested in each other does vary. So–be watchful and tolerant. And in early adolescence, don’t try either to hold back your child or to push him on in his contacts.
Let your young teenager’s INTEREST IN THE OPPOSITE SEX develop at HIS OWN RATE.
Successful people share their blunders — and why they’d make them again.
1. Totally embarrass yourself.
After the publication of my book Reviving Ophelia, in 1994, I was invited to a prestigious party. I got all dressed up; I was so excited to make connections. I had a wonderful time and was elated as I was walking back to my car. Well, that is, until I felt something on the back of my skirt. While I had gotten dressed for the function, I had apparently sat on a stack of clean laundry, and a pair of underwear had affixed itself. I had spent the entire night that way! I was mortified, but at the end of the day, it just didn’t matter. I went to other similar events after that, and as far as I could tell, that incident didn’t change people’s impression of me one little bit.
I tend to think that we are all always one static-cling mishap away from looking like a total idiot—and believing that helps me keep gaffes in perspective. And, of course, these grand embarrassments eventually loosen their grip anyway, leaving you with an ace-in-the-hole story to crack up your friends with for years to come.
Body language is the language where you don’t need any words. Women have been doing it for hundreds of years to attract the man they want. Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man and sending the get lost signal to the wrong man.
Eyeing Up the Prize
The more eye contact you establish with the target the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once he turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself. This will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you — a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare and flash a smile.
If there is a man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don’t look back at him again. While having a conversation, looking at the ceiling and around the room also shows a definite lack of interest.
First Impressions Count
You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous neighbor and he doesn’t give you a second glance. Why? Because you aren’t dressed your best. When you enter a room, most people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best. You never know. You just might just attract the attention of that gorgeous neighbor.
The Hand Job
Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you’re open to him. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the brave, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the “accidental touch” when reaching for the salt.
Hands jammed in pockets, cleaning eyeglasses or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Finger tapping, drumming, pointing or wagging are also signals to move on.
Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the man you’re conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. Also, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.
Crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.
A Few Extra Tips
Hopefully by now you have an attack plan for when it’s time to get down and dirty, or when it’s best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:
You’ll know things are going really well when you begin “mirroring” one another’s body language and gestures.
Don’t tease him by offering more than you plan to follow through with. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.
Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standing for the body language game.
If you try your hand at it, and he’s not responding, abort the mission immediately.
Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.