Tag: dating rules
You better be comfortable following the important rules if you want to play.
1. She’s not going to jump into bed with you. I mean, she might, but it’s not a given. Open is the status of her relationship, not her legs.
2. She’s going to jump into bed with you. I know what I just wrote. But you should prepare your heart / vagina / penis / other body parts for the fact that she may be interested in a hookup — and only a hookup.
3. You have to follow her rules if you want to play. You have the option not to date her, but if you decide to go for it, be aware that there may be certain agreements she’s made with her primary partner, i.e. how often she can see you, or how intense things can be sexually. It’s pretty unlikely those will be adjustable. People in open relationships usually apply a lot of forethought to the architecture of those things.
4. She’s not a “cheater.” She didn’t decide to enter an open relationship because she is fundamentally immoral, a moustache-twirling cartoon villain, or anyone else who is generally careless with the feelings of others. There are reasons monogamy doesn’t work for her. Respect that.
5. If you have any questions about how this is going to work, just ask her. She’s very, um, open. She knows exactly what she needs and she’ll be more than happy to let you know.
6. She’s opinionated, and don’t mistake her for confused. She’s not in an open relationship because she can’t decide on one. She’s in an open relationship because she’s self-assured in her wants and needs, and knows how to execute them.
7. She likes sex. It might not be the sole reason she is conducting additional relationships outside of her primary one — but, yeah, she enjoys it. She enjoys it a lot.
8. You’re going to have to work well with others. Depending on the degree to which things heat up, you may have to make decisions about your relationship with her that factor in other people — namely her partner, or others you’re dating. If you’re the kind of person who would rather write an essay than do the group project, this might not be for you.
9. She’s emotionally mature. Don’t play games. She’s had to assess her perspective, wants, needs, and values, and negotiate those with the perspective, needs, wants, and values of at least one other person and likely even more. She’s not going to sweat the small stuff — unless it’s your brain.
10. You will never, ever be bored with her. Whether it’s for a few minutes, a few hours or a few decades, this will be an experience you won’t forget. So let go of your preconceptions and hold onto your hat, your heart, and the headboard.
Let’s face it, when it comes to meeting the next Mr or Ms Right, we could all do with a little help. Here are seven things to keep in mind next time you’re out on a date.
1. Don’t forget your manners
Without getting too Sir Lancelot about things, a little etiquette goes a long way. If she looks nice, tell her that. Maybe open the door as she walks through, or offer your arm as she steps down from the curb – but play it by ear and don’t go too overboard. Also, make sure you remember her eye colour (trust us on this one) and when you’re comfortable, maybe test the waters by leaning in a little closer as she speaks – if she backs away, well, it’s probably not going well.
2. Be confident
Everyone’s nervous on a first date, but there’s nothing more attractive than a bit of self-confidence. When it comes to conversation, stay in your comfort zone by coming up with a few topics that you can talk about easily so you’re not out of your depth too early. But it’s a delicate balance – no one wants to be the guy who bangs on about his comic book collection all night, or what a pro his is on the bench press. If in doubt, ask your date about themselves and go from there.
It sounds simple, but choosing someone with similar interests is a big plus. If you like nothing better than watching the footy over a few beers – and they hate sports with a passion – it’s probably not going to work out. Just be yourself and don’t try to force it.
3. Offer to pay
If it’s a first date, it won’t do you any harm to pay – or at least offer. Quibbling with who should pick up the bill is a bad look and it’s hardly going to give the best first impression. Then again, remember it’s not the 1950s anymore, so it’s perfectly fine to level the score a bit if you end up seeing each other regularly.
4. Keep it casual
Drinks are fine for a first date. After all, no one wants to sit through the seven-course degustation with someone you’ve only just met – especially if you both realise it’s not going to work after the entrees appear. Also, if it’s a first outing, maybe head to a bar you’ve been to before – you’ll at least know your way there, and it’s one less thing you have to worry about. But avoid just heading to your local watering hole – it’s obvious if you’ve chosen somewhere that’s just around the corner from your pad. Try for something that’s convenient for both of you to get to.
It’s perfectly ok to keep first or second dates to weeknights, but anything after the third outing together should be at the weekend. Otherwise, they’re going to wonder what you’re doing that’s so much more interesting than them. Or, worse, who.
5. Be prepared
Your first date is a great opportunity to show her what you’re made of. And trust us, first impressions count for a lot. If you look like you’ve just stepped out of bed, your date is going to think you don’t really care. Get your hair cut, maybe invest in a new outfit, and check your teeth and nails are looking presentable. Plan to arrive a little early, so you’re not flustered when you walk in the door and you’ve got a bit of time to give yourself the quick once-over in the bathroom mirror.
When it comes time to order, play it fairly safe by avoiding anything you’ve never tried before or that’s tricky to eat. As a general rule, if it involves a bib, best to steer well clear. If you’re no wine boffin, go with the most recent vintage white, or drink pinot if you want red because it suits more food than not.
6. Get a second opinion
If you’re a little clueless or just want to make sure you’re on the right track, don’t be afraid to ask your friends for a few pointers. See what they think of the outfit you’re planning to wear, or the venue you want to take your date to. It might mean you end up dodging the restaurant that gave your mate gastro last week, or that you avoid wearing that shirt all your friends hate. You know the one.
7. Eyes in front
Remember, when you’re on a date with someone, they should the centre of attention. Ask them about themselves and pay attention to their answers. And don’t try to get a sneaky look at your watch or phone – and that blonde sitting at the bar who you just checked out? Yep, they saw that, too.
Times have changed, and so have the rules regarding the biggest game of your life.
The biggest secret of this world is that each one of us wants to love and be loved. Dating in a relationship is important because it allows you to get to know the person you are in a relationship with, while having a good time. Dating helps to reveal any potential problems you may have if you pursue a more serious relationship with a person, and it sets the foundation for long term relationship.
The “old maid” stigma is long gone. Some couples are opting to have families, live together and share a life without tying the knot. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but a long-term, satisfying relationship equals happiness, and is a perfect fit for many. Dating is also healthy as it releases some happy hormones such as endorphins. So let us see the eight new rules of dating in this modern world.
Rule 1: No More Waiting Game
It’s done. Dead. Over! Yes, no more waiting “three days” after a date to contact your new love interest. As the dating rule book certainly isn’t law, don’t wait three days to call her/him — just do it. If you had an amazing first date, text your date the very next day and let him/her know how you feel about.
Rule 2: He asks, She pays
The one traditional dating “do” that still stands is the general belief that men are supposed to make the first move and pay on dates. However, as per an Elle/MSNBC dating survey, 57% of women would offer to pick up the check on a date. The best win-win situation in this scenario is to split the check. Therefore, in modern era of dating world, gender roles are negotiable. Sometimes the lady wants to pay for a night out and sometimes it’s the other way around. This means our old fashioned dating rules have become a little more flexible nowadays, and that is a wonderful thing. Embrace it!
#Rule 3: Ensure Every Date Is Fun
Not only does trying to make your date happy makes you feel good, but it is also one of the first signs of attraction. Studies have shown that when taking someone out on a date, the primary factor that will determine the success of the event is how much fun it was. The couples who go on adventurous trips, camping, snorkeling or visiting theme parks together experience much more fun than couples who doesn’t go anywhere.
#Rule 4: Your Past Is Always Present
Prepare to be Googled. Your dates are digging for your past before they even shake hands. If you were arrested 20 years ago at a protest, be prepared to talk about it. If your jazz group has a review in the local paper, your date may be humming one of your tunes. If your past is less than savory, be prepared to explain.
#Rule 5: 40 Is the New 30
It’s not just Jennifer Aniston and Demi Moore who look amazing and decades younger than they actually are. We are all living longer these days, and in many cases, aging a lot more gracefully. Maybe it’s time to reconsider widening your dating age parameters.
#Rule 6: Do Not Ignore Red Flags
While it’s important to give your date a fair shot, it’s also important to NOT ignore glaring signs of incompatibility, misaligned value systems or rambunctious behaviors. If you’re uncomfortable around someone, pay attention to the red flags. Don’t force yourself to stay in a bad situation, or to say yes to a date that you know, without a doubt, can lead nowhere. So wait for your Mr. / Miss Right.
#Rule 7: The World Is Smaller Than Ever
Thanks to the technology, the world has become a smaller place. Through Skype, Hangout, Yahoo Messenger, Face time etc., you can even manage long distance relationship and can enjoy your virtual dates.
Moreover, marriage does not give the license to kill dating. You must plan a romantic date with your soulmate once a week whether it is cooking a gourmet meal or dining out at new restaurant. You can also go on a long-drive to the beach and catching a sunset or strolling hand in hand in the park, around a lake or pond and feeding ducks. Therefore, you should never think that if you are married, you should not go on date; but, you should always go on a date to know your better half better.
#Rule 8: End It Well
Most dating relationships end either in marriage/live-in relationships or with people going their separate ways — that’s the dating adventure. Make it your goal to end it well. Cherish the relationship for what it is, respect the person you’re with, and if it’s not meant to be, walk away from the relationship having given it your best and with no regrets.
To sum up, it is the same advice your mom gave you on the first day of school: Be yourself. Present yourself authentically, laugh at the things you find funny, share your personal viewpoints on topics, wear your favorite geeky sweater and give your date an opportunity to get to know the real you.
No one ever said dating was easy. First dates are awkward, second dates are expectant and the dates that follow that — during which two people really start getting down to the business of getting to know each other — present hundreds, if not thousands, of opportunities for missteps, faux pas, blunders and mistakes. That is to say nothing of the myriad chances for problems to which you could fall prey while arranging, planning and preparing for dates.
We call too often or not enough, we’re too available or never around, we wear sandals to fancy restaurants, laugh hysterically at bad jokes, show up with blue carnations, gab on our cell phones during dinner and commit countless other dating crimes, mostly without realizing we’re doing it. No doubt about it — bad dating behavior is a rampant affliction, and it’s time to cure it with some common sense advice.
If dating is a game, then just like any other game, there are rules you need to study, learn and follow. After all, you wouldn’t take the field without knowing where the base lines are, would you? (For those of you who are immune to ball field metaphors, the answer is “no.”) While none of these do’s and don’ts are set in stone — and, as your mother told you, there are obviously exceptions to every rule — here we attempt to equip you with an idiot-proof playbook for the fast-paced, intense, exciting, full-contact sport of searching for someone with whom to fall in love.
Dating Rules – Do’s
Do try to always look your best and be punctual. Showing up late or looking messy gives the impression that you don’t care — and, if that’s the case, why go out with this person in the first place?
Do try to enjoy yourself on dates. Yes, finding your soul mate is serious business, and it can sometimes even be a scary endeavor, but keep in mind that this is supposed to be fun.
Do compliment your date on how he or she looks. Men and women tend to put a lot of effort into getting ready for a date, and it’s nice (and flattering) to hear that all that energy paid off.
Do be interested and interesting. Ask questions, share insights and pay attention when your date is telling you what they like to do, read, watch, listen to, etc.
Do tell someone directly if you’re not interested in seeing them again. Lying and stringing people along simply because you’re too scared to tell them the truth is selfish and hurtful. If you don’t want to go on another date with someone, let them down as gently — but firmly — as possible.
Do date only people you’re attracted to, no matter what your friends say. Approval by your peers doesn’t prove a thing.
Do stay positive, even when dates don’t end well. It is most certainly true that you will date a few frogs before you find a prince. Along the way, you will probably meet some pretty nice people.
Do plan ahead. Dating is a creative diversion that requires concentration and energy, so make arrangements ahead of time and let your date know you put some thought into the evening.
Do be proactive about finding people to date. The man or woman you’ve been searching for your whole life is probably not going to come ring your doorbell and beg you to go to dinner anytime soon. Dating requires action, so get out there and meet as many people as you can.
Do surround yourself with positive, like-minded people who are dating, too. Part of the fun of dating is celebrating, comparing notes and commiserating with your friends. Surround yourself with positive people who are rooting for you to succeed at love and will be there for you if/when you need emotional support.
Dating Rules – Don’ts
Don’t call, text message or email someone you’ve just started seeing more than once a day unless they reply (or in the event of an emergency). Desperation and instability are major turnoffs.
Don’t date the kind of people who’ve hurt you in the past. Many of us are attracted to people who are bad for us, but it’s important to break these patterns and seek out healthy relationships with matches who won’t demean you or make you feel bad about yourself in any way.
Don’t be late for a date. It’s just rude. If you have to change your plans, give the other person as much notice and consideration as possible. And always apologize.
Don’t lie to your date or about any aspect of your life, even if the truth isn’t as sexy or you’re worried they won’t like it. It would be awful to ruin a potentially life-changing relationship with your perfect match because of some silly lie you told early on to impress him or her.
Don’t be too available. We don’t mean you should play games, but if you’re free every night, you’re probably not taking care of yourself, pursuing your own interests and spending time with your friends — which means you’re probably not very interesting to talk to. People with full, exciting lives make the best dates.
Don’t give away too much about yourself at the beginning. Revealing your innermost secrets on the second date can lead to rejection. Don’t be scared to open up, but remember that getting to know someone takes time, and you should let your relationship evolve.
Don’t check out other people when you’re on a date. Ever. This is just tacky. You may think you are subtle, but while you’re scoping the cutie in the corner, your date will be heading for the door. Extend your partner the courtesy of concentrating solely on them while you’re with them.
Don’t be rude or get drunk on a date. Courtesy and manners will get you everywhere.
Don’t ignore your personal safety. Carry your cell phone and keep it charged — and make sure to tell your friends where you’re going and when you’ll be back. First dates should take place in well-lit public places. Don’t ever let yourself be coerced into going anywhere or doing anything that makes you uncomfortable.
Don’t give out personal information like your home phone number or address on the first date. Keep these details to yourself until you trust the person you’re dating.
Don’t have sex on a first date. If you like someone and are interested in getting to know them better (and possibly having a relationship), sex on a first date will likely ruin everything. It’s much too soon, it’s not romantic and it communicates to the other person that you’re more interested in their physical characteristics than in finding out who they are.
Never date a married person. Statistically, it is very unlikely that they will ever leave their husband or wife for you. Dating someone who’s married is the best way to serve yourself a heaping helping of misery, lies, deceit, sadness and heartache. If you are married, separate before dating. If you’re single, don’t be a shoulder to cry on — you deserve better. Go out and find someone who’s emotionally (and legally) available to you!