Tag: dating ideas
There are two main channels of romantic interest for adults. First, there are the people you meet at a bar, at a party, or through an online dating site. In these scenarios, the mutual attraction and interest is often instant: you immediately ask each other out, or hook up, or date, or whatever.
Then there are the times when you meet people and mutual attraction is not assured. Your new co-worker, a friend’s roommate, your roommate’s sister, the guy who works at the coffee shop next door. Do they like you? You have no idea. But what you’re left with is what in high school parlance is referred to as a crush. Because of whatever complications, you don’t feel like you can just ask this person out. But you’ve got it for them, and you’ve got it bad.
As adults, we’re beyond doodling in notepads and feverishly writing diary entries — but we can still get a little weird about our crushes.
I asked a group of female friends to brainstorm how, exactly, they behave towards someone on whom they have a secret crush. Nobody does all of these things at once, but chances are, if you’ve ever had a crush, a couple of these bullet points will sound pretty familiar. (You could call some of these behaviors “creepy.” I prefer the adjectives “diligent” and “enthusiastic.”)
“Life would be so much easier if you could just be like, ‘YO. I’m in love with you,’ with no consequence,” one contributor said via GChat. Preach.
So, here you go. A no-holds-barred list of the things we do when we’re secretly in love with you.
“I laugh really hard when you’re within ear shot, and make sure I look super engaged with who ever I’m talking to.”
“I send you a link to an article about something we talked about once, in passing.”
“I get really dressed up when I know I’m going to see you and then act surprised/dismissive when you say I look nice. (‘Really? Huh. I just came from work…’)”
“I listen to songs I think you’d like on Spotify and hope you see them on my Facebook feed.”
“I all of the sudden get buddy-buddy with your friends.”
“I tweet about things that aren’t directly about you, but that I know will interest you.”
“I never leave the bar before you do — I don’t care how early I have to work the next morning.”
“I live in fear that you will somehow learn how often I visit your Facebook page.”
“I text you something random or ‘funny’ my coworker did, just to start the conversation.”
“I go out of my way to not seem jealous of other women, going so far as to force you to say tell another girl how pretty she is.”
“I change my GChat status to something I want you to see.”
“I find out everything I can about you and then pretend to be surprised when you tell me something about yourself in person.”
“I stand in the same circle as you but avoid eye contact and only talk to the person standing next to you.”
“If we’re sitting at a table, booth, or bench, I will sit closer to you than to the person on my other side. I will make sure our arms accidentally graze each other.”
“I take advantage of every possible opportunity to “@” you on twitter.”
“I go out of my way to walk by you on the way to the bar.”
“I spend parties standing in your line of sight.”
“I dress inappropriately for events because you complimented that outfit another time. (‘Aren’t you cold?’ ‘… no.’)”
“I google anyone I found out you dated/hooked-up with/were interested in, just to see how I measure up.”
“I make up a ‘work question’ that we need to have coffee / lunch / drinks to discuss, because I’d really like your professional opinion on the matter. (Ideally, I’d also like to make out.)”
“I have Skype, gchat, and Facebook chat always up just in case you sign into one of the three messaging platforms.”
“I invite you to a party I’m throwing. And then quickly invite 100 other people so you won’t suspect I singled you out.”
”I will remember a random fact or opinion you expressed a year ago, even when you don’t.”
“I Google myself so I know what comes up in case you randomly decide to google me.”
“I bring up a movie/concert/activity that I think you would like, in the hopes that you will express interest and that I can then casually say, ‘Oh, do you want to come with?‘”
“I reply all to a group email that you’re in just so my name comes up in your inbox to refresh your memory that I exist. I will labor over this reply for at least an hour before hitting ‘send’.”
Do you feel unfilled in your relationship? Are you continuously attracting boring dates? Want to spark up your love life? Here’s my best advice for you. Drum roll please… You need to get out of your comfort zone!
Let me first tell you the reason why you feel bored and un-stimulated in your love life [this can apply to any area of your life as well] it’s because you are staying in your comfort zone. Trying new things will bring life and passion back into your relationships.
Learning a new activity with your partner is known to bring back more passion in a couple. What kind of adventure or new activity could you go on, that would get you to bond and learn new things together? Maybe it’s skiing lessons? How about, taking a trip to a place you haven’t been before? Or skydiving?
Cooking classes on exotic dishes can really open you up to some new excitement. Let’s not forget about tantric sex. These could all be ways to get out of your comfort zone. Think about what would you both enjoy doing that would stretch you? Here’s one I highly recommend: show vulnerability and trust that your partner will still love you. That’s one of the most exciting things you can do with a partner.
If you are not in a committed relationship but keep on attracting dates that are boring it’s probably because you are going for what feels safe. When we are not confident, we often go for someone we feel deep down is not a match at some level because “if it does not work out we won’t be devastated”.
Have you always wanted to go out with a certain person you know that you find extremely attractive, but you don’t let yourself show your interest? How about going for someone who sees through you and calls you on who you are and is totally into you? How about someone who is emotionally available, who would actually be a really nice person for you and wants to be in a committed relationship?
So be honest with yourself now and see if there is not some place for some more courageous actions you could take that would spice up your love life!
- The first time you come over, we’ll feign disgust over how much of a tip our room is. When really we’re a bit ¯_(ツ)_/¯ about the whole sitch.
Oh, and if we planned for you to come over to our place, we’ll have hastily made it look non-gross. Just do NOT look under the bed, or in that wardrobe. Or else.
On that note: never open our wardrobes/drawers ever unless you want a flippin’ avalanche on your hands.
You’ll soon learn there’s an art to making it across the floor unscathed.
But just know that we know exactly where our shit is on that floor so don’t go messin’ with our system, kay? Method in the madness.
You will never, and we repeat NEVER, win a cleaning stand-off against us. Think we’ll eventually give up and clean that mug that’s starting to grow life? Think again, buddy.
Yes, we need that pile of miscellaneous clutter (read: shit we definitely don’t need). Get used to our ‘stuff.’ We have a lot of it.
Keep the f*ck away from our handbag. Seriously, don’t do it man. It has taken good men before you.
But… if you need a pen/mouldy gum/a safety pin/half eaten cereal bar/plastic fork then our handbag is your disgusting-on-the-inside saviour.
You’ll soon learn that messiness is a way of life, not limited to external forces. We have messy brain/life too. Don’t expect our iTunes to have been updated since 2005. We’ve got 3 email addresses because we keep forgetting our password. Our desktop has the most shit ever on it. And we will probably forget our anniversary, soz.
You literally can’t take us anywhere. Because, spillage…
There’s probably going to be sand in the bed a lot. Or crumbs. Or both.
We’ll hoard the shit out your gifts. And ticket stubs/beer mats / Kinder Egg toys. So much so you’ll stop buying us nice things.
If we end up living together, you’re going to have to be pretty strict on boundaries. Like, we’ll probably need an actual cleaning rota or there’s no fecking way we’ll tidy.
And you’ll soon realise unannounced guests are our idea of hell.
Accept we’re never going to be the kind of chick who wears sexy matching underwear.
We WILL steal your socks. Who even knows where ours end up?!
Our car is a pigsty. In fact, that’s an insult to pigs.
Sometimes we forget stuff that’s in the fridge. It happens, ok?!
You’re going to have to accept that weird things belong in weird places. Get over it.
Our hair is all over the shower/bathroom and we don’t even care. Likewise, get used to bobby pins turning up everywhere.
If you do any of the following, we’re just not going to work:
a. Iron your underwear.
b. Get pissed off about mess.
c. Don’t like taking the bins out.
d. Are offended by rogue empty loo rolls.
e. Are familiar with the term ‘storage hacks.’
- Ultimately, you need to know that research says messy people are more creative people, making us BOSS. So you can go ahead and worship our creative, messy asses.
1. “How do you spice it up?” As if it weren’t already spicy. When you’re in a really, really good relationship, you don’t have to search for spices — they’re just there in infinite supply.
2. “You’re young! You need to get out there and experience what the world has to offer you.” And by that do you mean “have one-night stands with guys who don’t know what they’re doing and first dates that are awkward as hell”? I don’t judge if that’s what you enjoy. But if I found My Person, there’s no point in going on dates that I don’t really want to be on.
3. “How’s the ball and chain doing?” Or “How’s the boyyyyyyfriend?” you might say while rolling your eyes as if to suggest it’s such a chore to be in a happy, steady relationship. He’s great and we love the shit out of each other, actually! Thanks for asking.
4. “People in long-term relationships are just people who are way too comfortable with each other.” Allow me to clarify: A comfortable relationship is not an unhappy relationship. I’m comfortable with my significant other in the sense that I will walk around with no makeup and send him ugly selfies. Comfort does not make us dislike each other.
5. “It’s so weird that you have no one else to compare him or your relationship to. How can you even tell if he’s The One?” This is hard to understand for someone who hasn’t found their person yet, but if you have found your person, you know. To put it in simple terms — your favorite personal belonging probably isn’t your favorite because some external force made you realize that it is. Your favorite green bracelet is your favorite green bracelet because you love it and it means something to you. It’s that simple. So, yeah, I just know.
6. “I don’t believe in monogamy.” And I do. Which is why I am me, and you are you. Oh, look, a poem!
7. “Come on, just be my wingwoman!” Uh, no, that’s boring for me. I don’t bring you out on my dates because you’d rather poke your eyes out than be a third wheel, which is totally fine. But that’s what being your wingwoman feels like to me.
8. “Doesn’t it get boring?” If it were boring I wouldn’t be doing it. I’m in a committed relationship with a person, I am not in a committed relationship with boredom. Thanks though.
9. “You can’t be together long-term if you don’t hook up with other people first.” This is a real thing that someone told me once, and it blew my mind. Just because the first guy I got with ended up being the only guy I wanted to get with doesn’t mean that it’s not real. (See no. 5 above, ahem.)
10. Not ever inviting me to girls’ things where it’s mostly single girls because they assume you don’t want to come. Just because I am in a relationship doesn’t mean I am against hanging out with single people. When I’m going out with my best girlfriends, the last thing I am thinking about is anyone’s relationship status. So if you’re going out for a fun night of drinks and food, whether or not you’re looking for hookups, count me in!
11. “How do you know? You’ve only been with one guy.” <—The ~sAsSy~ remark you get whenever you try to give relationship advice. Yes, I have only been with one guy. Because he’s an awesome hell of a guy who treats me exactly as I should be treated. Because I know how good it feels to be in a happy relationship, I know that the way that douchebag is treating you is wrong. And you deserve to be happy!
12. “You must think about other guys all the time.” I mean yeah, I have eyes. I think that Eric Decker is hot as hell because he is. I acknowledge that a man is attractive as he walks past me on the street because I am a living human. Just because I am monogamous doesn’t mean I want to rip off my clothes at the sight of a hot man who isn’t my man.
13. “Do you really think he’s ever only been with you?” I really do because we’re in a trusting relationship. That’s what monogamous relationships are. And that’s what I like having in my life.
Who says you have to be rich to plan a perfect night out with your sweetie? The next time you’re feeling romantic, pick from one of these cheap and fun date ideas. You’ll only need a little bit of cash (and maybe a little bit of love) to have a great time.
1. Make Dinner Together
If you’ve got time, start this date out at the grocery store. Pick up dinner fixings, then go back to one of your houses to prepare and eat. Spending time in the kitchen together is a great way to get to know each other – and if the dinner actually turns out good, that’s just icing on the cake. Plus, if your parents are home, this is a slick way of showing them what a good, wholesome couple you are.
2. Go for a Bike Ride
Biking’s a cheap, fun way to get your adrenaline pumping, and it’s great for shy people because there’s no pressure to talk the whole time. Pick a pretty route along a lake or hiking path, or just a quiet residential area by you. Plan it so you end up at an ice cream shop or lunch spot so you can cool off and chat a little.
3. Sing Karaoke
Once you’ve done karaoke in front of someone, there’s really nothing left to hide. Check to see if there are any karaoke nights in your city that allow teens. If there aren’t, pick up a copy of Karaoke Revolution American Idol – it’ll set you back less than 30 bucks (including microphones).
4. Check Out a Weird Museum
Sure, every town has an art museum – but where’s the fun in that? Oddball museums are way more likely to kick-start a conversation. Plus, lots of museums offer free admission on certain weekdays.
5. Go Bowling
Bowling’s an underrated sport. You can do it in all kinds of weather, you don’t have to be all that athletic, you barely sweat and if you show up late enough on weekends, there are colored lights and kitschy music. (Plus, how funky are those shoes?) And if you’re terrible at bowling, the ego boost you’ll give your date will just make them like you more.
6. Have a Picnic in the Park
Throw some sandwiches, cookies and sodas into a bag (or get more sophisticated with some prepared snacks from Whole Foods), head to the park and lay down a blanket in a shady spot. Don’t forget to bring stuff to do when you’re done eating. My top picks: flying a kite, playing jai alai (easier and more fun, in my humble opinion, than frisbee), playing one-on-one basketball or just people-watching.
7. Play Miniature Golf
After all these years, is there really anything more fun than putt-putt? It’s the classic cutesy first date for a good reason: it’s competitive but too whimsical to take seriously, you’re surrounded by people having fun, and the snacks for sale nearby (pizza, milk shakes and chili cheese fries) are cheap and perfect for sharing.
8. Go for a Nature Walk
Pick a pretty place in your town: maybe there’s a beach, a path through the woods, a mountain trail or an arboretum. If you’re not sure where to go, check your city guide. Bring some light snacks from home and take a nice, slow-paced walk, enjoying the scenery together. If you want to make it more interesting, bring a camera and see who can take the best pictures, or make it an earth-saving mission and collect trash along the way.
9. Have a Board Game Night
Board games bring out the competitive edge in people, which makes them perfect for that flirty ribbing that powers first dates. The best board games are made for more than two people, so consider making this one a double date.
10. Go to a Roller Rink
Even if you’re only a so-so skater, a roller skate date is almost always a winner. First of all, it’s romantic: hand-holding is totally inevitable, especially if one of you isn’t so hot on your feet. Second of all, with the high speeds and constant threat of collisions with 7-year-olds getting your adrenaline pumping, you’ll both have an unforgettable blast.
An option is an easy topic of conversation and a good way to get some exercise, too.
Many guys think that if they are not rolling in the dough, they can not turn the head of a girl. True? Not so much. Of course, who does not like gifts or a lobster dinner for luxury? But the truth is, you do not need to break the bank for a fun, thought-one day. Try these alternatives to a night of big-ticket-out:
1. Book it. Women were impressed when her husband suggested they have now hit the books. To get to know each other better, he took me in a bookstore one afternoon. In each section, we both chose a book of interest and shared why we chose it, what was fascinating about this subject, etc. It was a great way to get to know each other tastes.
2. Go local. Go on a tour of your own city. Often, people never take the time to see historical monuments and unusual in the city, they live in a less out of the city is relatively visit, etc. So go to the library, take a book for your own tourism city – whether it focuses on the arts, history, or anything else – and set up a walking tour. It’s an easy conversation starter and a good way to exercise, too.
3. Game system. Board game nights are visiting towns and villages throughout the country, and who does not play? They are becoming popular, and it’s a fun activity that will give you an overview of the personality of your day. Since it cheating? Is riding on the rules? A poor winner or loser?
4. Hit the streets. One of the best first dates you went, you were taken downtown where you both walked around and got food from carts set up along the street for about $ 6. Then he / she took you to an arcade and handed you five dollars worth of quarters. Yo5u fought each other and really learned to talk and have fun.
5. Plan carefully. Here’s how to keep it cheap, without looking like a total cheapskate. Say,” I’ll have an early dinner with some friends, then why can not I pick you up after that and I’ll take you for ice cream.” Then you can walk and talk together. Dear, yes, but very charming!
If you invest more in thinking about the activities of interest to your date and give you time to get to know each other, you will get a better return on your investment if you go all out one night price.
A wrong number and a chance meeting while stuck in traffic led to romance for these folks.
Ask most men and women how they meet the people they date, and you’ll probably hear answers like “through friends,” “online,” “at a party,” or even “my mom set us up; she has better taste than I thought!” Some people, however, find romance in much more surprising places — and their stories are testament to the fact that if you’re looking for love (keeping common sense and safety in mind, of course!), you should always keep your eyes peeled. Don’t believe us? Check out how these readers ended up clinching a date.
While idling on the freeway of love
“I was stuck in rush hour traffic. There was a new silver Mustang in the lane next to me. Mustang drivers always notice other Mustang drivers, so I pulled up next to him and slowed down so I could get a good look, flashed him a flirty smile, and revved my engine a little. After eight miles of flirting in stop-and-go traffic, he called out, asking whether I would like his number. We dated for three months until I realized the only thing we had in common was our love for our Mustangs. But it sure was fun while it lasted!”
I was banking on her saying “yes”
“I went into the bank one day, and this really cute teller helped me. We talked a little, and then she said she remembered me coming in the previous month. The next time I went in, I decided that I would ask her out. The only problem was that the bank was very slow that day; the other tellers weren’t busy. This caused a problem! Asking her out was one thing, but asking her out with several other people listening to everything we were saying is altogether different. I chickened out, but still wanted to ask her out, so I went back two days later. She was working the drive-thru window and I was inside. When the teller asked how she could help me, I asked if I could talk to the teller at the drive-thru instead. They exchanged places for a moment. I then asked if she’d like to have dinner with me. She said ‘Sure,’ and we went out that night!”
Dialing a wrong (but right!) number
“The oddest happenstance for a date was a call I made to a friend that ended up being a wrong number. For some reason, I asked her if she knew the person I was calling, and she didn’t. Somehow, the conversation segued into what she was doing; she was about to go skiing. We talked for awhile, then hung up. I had her number in my cell, and — strange as it may sound — a day later, I called again and we talked some more. This continued a few more times until I text-messaged her to see if she was seeing anyone. She wasn’t, so I asked if she would meet me at a small, local bookstore for coffee — and she did! And that’s how our relationship began.”
During fun in the sun at a reservoir
“The strangest way I met a guy was at the Cherry Creek Reservoir. A friend and I were walking along the beach and saw some guys on a boat looking at us through binoculars; then, we watched as one of them dove overboard and started swimming towards us. He asked if we’d like to join their party water-skiing for the day. We were in a very public place with lots of people around, so we agreed… and they treated us like princesses, fed us wonderful lunches and we all had a great day! Then, they joined us for s’mores at our camp site — they were all perfect gentlemen — and got our numbers. I ended up dating one of them, Steve, for a couple of years.”
Look for your next great love in unexpected places, suggests a counselor.
We’ve all heard stories about people who lock eyes in a crowded room, and I know they’ll marry them. They are soul mates, right? Maybe. But this is not the only way to meet them, and it certainly is not always instant love. Discard preconceived notions about soul mates, and learn what the experts say. It may surprise you.
Soul mates are matches made in heaven. According to Yale Chaplain Rabbi James Ponet, traditional (Judeo-Christian) ideas about soulmates are summarized in the 2nd century history:
A wealthy Roman matron said a rabbinical sage, “Since your Creator God created the universe in seven days, what’s he done since?” The Sage said: “It makes couples.” The Roman woman said, “I can do it!” She proceeded to order one hundred slaves to be paired off and sent to a large house. After one night, the place is in ruins, the couple fought and degenerated into chaos. In defeat and shame, she goes back to the Sage and said, “Oh, this is no small thing your God.”
And so it is common to believe that marriages are made in heaven. In Hebrew the word is B’shert – roughly translated as “beloved” and is where the basic idea of the origin of soul mates “The One” ..
Soul mates are not a one shot. Do not panic. You do not miss meeting your soul mate when you skipped going to the party last weekend. Soul mates find you if you are open to them. Besides, you do not have a great love – you have many potential great loves. According to New York minister and psycho-spiritual counselor, Susan Lemak, soul mates are profound soul connections in your life.
When you’re with one, stop looking, so you’re not aware of potential mates other soul around you. If you consider how difficult it is to find The One, the reality is that it is difficult for you to choose. A soulmate is someone who reflects or matches your energy and your life path. A soulmate is someone whose power and potential are complementary to yours. And you will find them in unexpected places. Lemak adds: “You know that great person sitting near you at work? He makes you laugh, but could be 10 pounds overweight? Maybe not the coolest person – but dig a little deeper. You can find your soul mate there. ”
Soul mates are on the job, not to play. The word “soul” opens a huge can of karma. Although light dating and relationships are all fun and playfulness, soul mates are all deep emotional support, trust and faith. When you choose to go further with someone, you expose yourself – you become emotionally vulnerable. Susan Strong, San Mateo-based astrologer jokes and metaphysical counselor, “Sometimes our soul mates become our cross to bear. You marry someone who is your soul mate and, over time, you realize that you are connected not only through chemistry, but because you are there to help each other. ”
Most guys do not believe in soul mates, whatever the bachelor said. Strong also considers the notion of soul mates for something more feminine. “Men are not looking for soul mates and they really think about meeting their soulmate. Of course a man can be in a happy, committed, connected relationship, but it will not necessarily tell his friends he was with his soul mate. “Women are more aware of a soul connection because they are more introspective in this way. Women need to feel a deeper connection with a man. This link is it the soul – but no men have simply not defined.
Soul mates are not necessarily permanent. As the end of a fairy tale, we are often inclined to believe that a soulmate is our “happily ever after.” How old were you when he realized that fairy tales do not come true? Soul mates are certainly the prince and princess of the modern novel. Yet what happens if your romance goes awry – the soul mate turns out to be an incompatibility? Of course, you’re out of luck. You move on, heal, and open up to the next soul mate. If you look at the traditional idea of soul mates, your beloved, you’ll realize that a higher force may be more of a love in store for you. To love someone and be loved is a deeply spiritual state.