 Around the World |
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POSTER STORES
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 The Rolling Stone Interview (Part 2) |
 The Serious Side of EminemIn our generation the word "nigga" is used by black and white kids as an expression of love, but even now you won't say it.
Yeah, it's just a word I don't feel comfortable with. It wouldn't sound right coming out of my mouth.
Do you see a similarity between "nigger" and "faggot"? Aren't they the same?
I've never really seen it that way. Growing up, the word faggot was thrown around. The two words were thrown around, they were always thrown around. But growing up, when you said faggot to somebody it didn't necessarily mean they were gay. It was in the sense of, "You fuckin' dick."
But you don't see these two words doing the same thing?
I guess it depends on if you're using it in a derogatory way. Like, if you're using the word faggot like I just said, in the way of calling them a name, that's different than a racial slur to me. Some people may feel different. Some white kids feel comfortable throwing the word around all day. I don't. I'm not saying I've never said the word in my entire life. But now, I just don't say it in casual conversation. It doesn't feel right to come out of my mouth.
Does it bother you when a black man says, "Eminem is my nigga?"
No. If a white kid came up to me and said it, I probably would look at him funny. And if given the time to sit down with him I'd say, "Look, just don't say the word. It's not meant to be used by us. 'Specially if you want something to do with hip-hop."
You've sobered up some. Has that changed your music at all?
Nah. I feel like I still got the same passion for what I do. BD -- Before Drugs -- and AD -- After Drugs.
You used to talk a lot about drugs, and you had a druggie manicness, and I wonder if you'll become more clear-eyed.
Well, I definitely feel more wide-eyed and more aware of my surroundings and what's going on. Going through them days and experimenting and mentioning different drugs, the way that I put it out there, like I got mushrooms and acid and weed, people automatically assumed I was on drugs every time they saw me. Kids would come up to me like, "Yo, Shady, I know you got them 'shrooms!" And I'd be like, "Yo, I'm chillin'." I mean, I went through my little phase, and I just realized it wasn't the thing for me. It wasn't the thing for me before fame, and there's no reason for it to be the thing for me now. Especially since I've reached a certain level of maturity that hopefully includes a happy medium of immaturity.
Let's talk about your process as a writer. How do you come up with hooks?
I think the beat should talk to you and tell you what the hook is. The hook for "Just Lose It" I probably wrote in about thirty seconds as soon as the beat came on. It was the last record we made for the album. We didn't feel like we had the single yet. That was a song that doesn't really mean anything. It's just what the beat was telling me to do. Beats run through my head -- and rhymes and lyrics and wordplay and catchphrases. When you're a rapper, rhymes are just gonna come at you. Those words are usually inside that beat, and you gotta find them.
Have you ever tried the Jay-Z method of not writing the rhymes out, just coming up with them in your head?
Yeah, I've done that. If you've ever seen my rhyme pads, my shit is all over the paper, because it's a lot of random thoughts. But a lot of times I'll be short a couple of bars, and I'll have a couple of lines wrote down and then I just go in the booth and try shit, and see what I'll say. I'll lose my space on the paper and just start blurting out, and it'll just come out. Music for me is an addiction. If I don't make music I feel like shit. If I don't spend enough time at home with my kids I feel like shit. Music is my outlet, my kids are my life, so there's a balance in my life right now that couldn't be better.
So you were a teenager when you first heard the Beastie Boys, and they allowed you to feel like, "Oh, I could be part of hip-hop." 3rd Bass probably gave you more of that sense.
Yeah, but then along came the X-Clan. I loved the X-Clan's first album [To the East, Blackwards, 1990]. Brother J was an MC that I was afraid of lyrically. His delivery was so confident. But he also made me feel like an outcast. Callin' us polar bears. Even as militant as Public Enemy were, they never made me feel like, "You're white, you cannot do this rap, this is our music." The X-Clan kinda made you feel like that, talking [on "Grand Verbalizer, What Time Is It?"] about "How could polar bears swing on vines of the gorillas?" It was a slap in the face. It was like, you're loving and supporting the music, you're buying the artist and supporting the artist, you love it and live it and breathe it, then who's to say that you can't do it? If you're good at it and you wanna do it, then why are you allowed to buy the records but not allowed to do the music? That was the pro-black era -- and there was that sense of pride where it was like, if you weren't black, you shouldn't listen to hip-hop, you shouldn't touch the mike. And we used to wear the black and green.
You wore an Africa medallion?
Me and a couple of my other white friends. And we would go to the mall.
Whoa.
I remember I had the Flavor Flav clock. The clock was so big and ridiculous, it was the perfect Flavor Flav clock. It was fuckin' huge. And me and my boy are in matching Nike suits and our hair in high-top fades, and we went to the mall and got laughed at so bad. And kinda got rushed out the mall. I remember this dude jumpin' in front of my boy's face and bein' like, "Yeah, boyyyeee! What you know about hip-hop, white boyyyeee?!"
You must've had drama with the Africa medallion.
I'd be tryin' to explain to my black friends who didn't really feel like I should be wearin' it, like, "Look, I love this culture, I'm down with this." But you're a kid, so you're not really sure of anything, you haven't really experienced life yet, so you don't really know how to explain yourself to the fullest. You're tryin' to find your own identity and you're stuck in that whole thing of, who am I as a person? Walkin' through the suburbs and I'm getting called the N-word, and walkin' through Detroit I'm getting jumped for being white. And goin' through that identity crisis of, "Am I really not meant to touch the mike? Is this really not meant for me?"
And all this is inside you as you're coming up as a white rapper trying to enter this black culture.
Even growing up as a kid, being the new kid in school and getting bullied, getting jumped. Kids are fucked up, kids are mean to other kids. School is a tough thing to go through. Anybody will tell you that. I didn't really learn how to fight back till seventeen, eighteen. I reached my peak around nineteen, where people would call me and say, "Yo, I got beef with such and such -- can you come help me out?" They knew I'd fight. I had a friend named Goofy Gary. He'd call me and say, "Yo, I just got jumped up at Burger King." And I'd say, "All right, Proof, we gotta go fight for Goofy Gary. Let's get in the car. C'mon." Then I found myself being the aggressor, which was a little strange from the few years prior to that being the loner kid who didn't fuck with nobody, wasn't lookin' for trouble.
When was the last time you got into a physical confrontation with anyone?
It's been a while. There's been a couple little push-and-shove incidents but nothing really recently. Nothing since catchin' them gun cases and standing before that judge. That changed me a lot. I realized that this dude controls my life, and he can take me away from my little girl. It slowed me the fuck down.
Used to be Eminem was in the police blotter from time to time, but since that case you've made a conscious change.
Yeah. When I got off probation I remember sayin' to myself, "I'm never fuckin' up again. I'm-a learn to turn the other cheek." I took on boxing just to get the stress out. Plus I chilled out a lot as far as the drinking and the drugs and all that stuff. Just chillin' out on that made me see things a lot clearer and learn to rationalize a lot more. Sobering up, becoming an adult and trying to just become a businessman. Not sayin' that I don't still got it in me. Not sayin' I'm not still down for mine. But things changed.
What I want to do is make records, get respect, have fun, enjoy life and see my daughter grow up. I don't feel like I portray myself as a gangster; I feel like I portray myself as somebody who won't be bullied or punked. If I feel like I'm being attacked and somebody comes at me sideways with something I didn't start, then that's a different story. But I just try to do what I do, get respect, and that's it. If I can make people laugh and spark some controversy, good. It is entertainment.
Sparking controversy is key to you being who you are.
It kinda is. It's part of the whole mystique and the freedom of speech.
I see a lot of similarities between you and Madonna in the first phase of her career, because you both work with the idea that "if I make some people hate me, then that will make those who like me love me that much more intensely."
Yeah, definitely. You can't cater to every fan. Everyone's not gonna love you. Imagine how many people are on the planet. How can everybody love you?
But if some people hate you . . .
It's gonna make people who love you, love you more. I remember when 8 Mile came out and suddenly I was the good guy, and I was being appreciated for what I do. That was a little strange to me. I was like, "Oh, shit, I got old people comin' up to me sayin' they love my music and I got them into hip-hop."
Do you want to do more movies?
I kind of want to finish my music thing first. There was a point in time with 8 Mile, doin' the soundtrack, the score to the movie and The Eminem Show that I felt like I was really neglecting life at home. I'm busy, and I stay busy, but I want to remain in control of things where I can stay in the city and go home at night to my kids. I'm a father before anything else, and anybody who knows me knows that that's the most important thing to me, that I can be close to my kids and be there.
Where's your relationship with Kim now?
Neutral at best.
Romantic side is over?
Yeah, that seems to be pretty much out the window, but we've still gotta show each other that mutual respect. I can't walk around the house tryin' to mess with Hailie's head, saying, "Your mom's wrong." I used to get caught up with that with my mother, as far as saying bad things about any boyfriend she had that I liked. I don't wanna get them caught up in "Your mom's wrong," and then Hailie goes to see her mother, who says, "Your dad's an asshole." We don't do that. It's about raising these kids. She's out now. And hopefully she can get her life back in order. Before anything, it's gotta be for these kids. She knows it, I know it.
by Toure (Rolling Stone)
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