Category: Teen Romances

Dating advices for an open relationship

Dating advices for an open relationship

You better be comfortable following the important rules if you want to play.

1. She’s not going to jump into bed with you. I mean, she might, but it’s not a given. Open is the status of her relationship, not her legs.

2. She’s going to jump into bed with you. I know what I just wrote. But you should prepare your heart / vagina / penis / other body parts for the fact that she may be interested in a hookup — and only a hookup.

3. You have to follow her rules if you want to play. You have the option not to date her, but if you decide to go for it, be aware that there may be certain agreements she’s made with her primary partner, i.e. how often she can see you, or how intense things can be sexually. It’s pretty unlikely those will be adjustable. People in open relationships usually apply a lot of forethought to the architecture of those things.

4. She’s not a “cheater.” She didn’t decide to enter an open relationship because she is fundamentally immoral, a moustache-twirling cartoon villain, or anyone else who is generally careless with the feelings of others. There are reasons monogamy doesn’t work for her. Respect that.

5. If you have any questions about how this is going to work, just ask her. She’s very, um, open. She knows exactly what she needs and she’ll be more than happy to let you know.

6. She’s opinionated, and don’t mistake her for confused. She’s not in an open relationship because she can’t decide on one. She’s in an open relationship because she’s self-assured in her wants and needs, and knows how to execute them.

7. She likes sex. It might not be the sole reason she is conducting additional relationships outside of her primary one — but, yeah, she enjoys it. She enjoys it a lot.

8. You’re going to have to work well with others. Depending on the degree to which things heat up, you may have to make decisions about your relationship with her that factor in other people — namely her partner, or others you’re dating. If you’re the kind of person who would rather write an essay than do the group project, this might not be for you.

9. She’s emotionally mature. Don’t play games. She’s had to assess her perspective, wants, needs, and values, and negotiate those with the perspective, needs, wants, and values of at least one other person and likely even more. She’s not going to sweat the small stuff — unless it’s your brain.

10. You will never, ever be bored with her. Whether it’s for a few minutes, a few hours or a few decades, this will be an experience you won’t forget. So let go of your preconceptions and hold onto your hat, your heart, and the headboard.

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Three Stages of Falling in Love

Three Stages of Falling in Love

There are three stages to falling in love and different hormones are involved at each stage. Events occurring in the brain when we are in love have similarities with mental illness.

When we are attracted to somebody, it could be because subconsciously we like their genes. Smell could be as important as looks when it comes to the fanciability factor. We like the look and smell of people who are most like our parents. Science can help determine whether a relationship will last.

Cupid’s chemicals

Flushed cheeks, a racing heart beat and clammy hands are some of the outward signs of being in love. But inside the body there are definite chemical signs that cupid has fired his arrow.

When it comes to love it seems we are at the mercy of our biochemistry. One of the best known researchers in this area is Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey. She has proposed that we fall in love in three stages. Each involving a different set of chemicals.

Three Stages of Falling in Love

Three Stages of Falling in Love

Stage 1: Lust

Lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen. Testosterone is not confined only to men. It has also been shown to play a major role in the sex drive of women. These hormones as Helen Fisher says “get you out looking for anything”.

Stage 2: Attraction

This is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover.

In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters called ‘monoamines’ play an important role:
— Dopamine – Also activated by cocaine and nicotine.
— Norepinephrine – Otherwise known as adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing.
— Serotonin – One of love’s most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane.

Stage 3: Attachment

This is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. People couldn’t possibly stay in the attraction stage forever, otherwise they’d never get any work done!

Attachment is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children. Important in this stage are two hormones released by the nervous system, which are thought to play a role in social attachments:

— Oxytocin – This is released by the hypothalamus gland during child birth and also helps the breast express milk. It helps cement the strong bond between mother and child. It is also released by both sexes during orgasm and it is thought that it promotes bonding when adults are intimate. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.

— Vasopressin – Another important chemical in the long-term commitment stage. It is an important controller of the kidney and its role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole.

The frisky Prairie Vole

In prairie vole society, sex is the prelude to a long-term pair bonding of a male and female. Prairie voles indulge in far more sex than is strictly necessary for the purposes of reproduction.

It was thought that the two hormones, vasopressin and oxytocin, released after mating, could forge this bond. In an experiment, male prairie voles were given a drug that suppresses the effect of vasopressin. The bond with their partner deteriorated immediately as they lost their devotion and failed to protect their partner from new suitors.

Looking in their genes

When it comes to choosing a partner, are we at the mercy of our subconscious? Researchers studying the science of attraction draw on evolutionary theory to explain the way humans pick partners.

It is to our advantage to mate with somebody with the best possible genes. These will then be passed on to our children, ensuring that we have healthy kids, who will pass our own genes on for generations to come.

When we look at a potential mate, we are assessing whether we would like our children to have their genes. There are two ways of doing this that are currently being studied, (to find out more click on the links): pheromones and appearance.

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Removing Comfort Zone for Lazy Man

Removing Comfort Zone for Lazy Man

One of the biggest criticisms of men is that they are lazy, they get too complacent, far too comfortable, especially in relationships. They think they have got you and think they can keep you with the minimal amount of effort. And to be honest, they often manage it. Why? Because you let them. By the time you have woken up to the fact that your new man is not trying, its often too late to change things, or him. You can of course leave him and often you do, but only after your man has wasted months of your relationships time.

So why does it happen in the first place? Well men are designed like hunters. They like hunting, generally in packs and sometimes alone. Either way, they are doing the chasing for women like you. The problem arrives like a bolt of lightening when they wake up one day with you beside them and realize that they have got you and you appear content. Appear being the operative word. They are in a relationship with you and the chasing has stopped (or so they think). Take away a man’s raison d’être and what have you got, a lazy man.

Remember that I blamed you. Well of course that’s only partially true. But the fact is, if you don’t keep your man standing on quicksand, he will lay down and go to sleep. As a man likes to chase, he likes to feel he has achieved greatness by achieving you as his girlfriend. Once he has done that he will proudly display his trophy and be content. He will set about creating his idea of perfect domestic bliss and being loved-up you will go along with it. What you may not realize is that you are putting up with a lot of crap along the way in the early stages. You may well know it , but unless you have kept him in check some ground rules may have been set. To become his mother is not the path to relationship heaven.

The question is, can you keep him on his toes. Can you keep him wanting you as if he was fighting for his life? Of course you can, you just need to do it that’s all. He is going to call you at work and ask what time you are home. He is going to make assumptions that you are doing some things he likes this weekend. He will assume you love spending your weekend with his nieces and nephews. You are going to let him do that? Of course not. You are going to make him worry. Unnecessarily of course because you love him. But this is for his and your own good before it is too late.

The path to relationship heaven with a man is to make him work for you, to date you, to want you, as if you were the only woman to walk the earth. You do that by changing his expectations and goalposts continually after you have become a couple. To settle in to domestic routine is to allow him to move into a comfort zone you will later regret. At first you may feel you want that too. You both want to be domesticated and fall into a routine. But then you will panic.

Who does the washing, cleaning and ironing ? Was it decided that you were the best at it? When you first met him, his shirts were perfectly laundered and you didn’t do them then. Who said you could cook better than him? Remember that perfect meal he made you on your third date? Where did those culinary skills go? Remember getting up at 6am to make you a surprise breakfast in bed, who said that had to stop? Little by little, you begin collecting his socks from the floor by the bed, you turn the TV off after he has fallen asleep on the sofa at 11pm. You pick him up from the bar after his regular night out with his buddies. And you blame him for getting comfortable? Okay , so it is time to do something about it.

You don’t need to change your man if you start early enough, because he is there for the molding. Men are starting to be aware that women implant ideas in their heads and let the guy take the credit but they are not yet generally advanced enough to make an issue of this. So plant away all you like. He will accept. The fact is, you need to ensure your man is never ever allowed to lay down flat in the comfort zone. Every now and again you have to stir things up and be as equal in ground rules from the very start, as he. Ignore this at your peril.

How many times have you heard men say, I only realized how much I love you after I lost you? That is because their comfort zone was rudely removed and they woke up. So your task is to not allow them to go to sleep in the first place. We all want a quiet life with no head games. We don’t need to play carefully constructed games as we get older? Ehm, I think you will find that you do. Nice games, but games that allow you to mature together before your relationship falls apart. You can be comfortable after 40 years of marriage in your dotage like your parents but to reach that point you better make sure that your man never takes you for granted. Not unless you want a life of unfulfillment.

Men will and do take their girls for granted because they are allowed to get away with it. By the same token, men love to chase their girls and feel huge pride in loving a real catch. To be the real catch you have to keep him fishing. And from time to time you need to get him to change the bait on his hook. Why would he look elsewhere at another women if he is constantly wanting and needing you? Let him take you for granted and watch what happens! So it is down to you to make that happen, to keep him chasing you. You could argue that you want a lazy life too and don’t want to get the man you love to stand on quicksand. Fair enough, the problem is you will realize all too late that you are not happy with your later situation and by then, maybe it’s too late.

To keep your man interested and chasing you may want to follow some of the tips here:

— Keep him out of his comfort zone by making rules early on, even if he doesn’t like them

— Make sure he realizes just how desirable you are to others
Never become lazy yourself

— Don’t be at his beck and call

— Ensure you retain your friends, interests, vacations and activities to a degree

— Never allow him to think you are reliant on him

— Keep some of your finances separate

— Don’t always return his phone calls

— Don’t allow him to know what you are thinking all the time

— Socialize without him occasionally

— All domestic duties are shared, no excuses

— Threaten to dump him occasionally

— Use all your womanly powers that you employ so well in the early stages of dating

— Change your mind about things occasionally and keep him guessing

— Ensure you retain male friends you had before

— Find his weak spots and use them when need be

— Do not run around after him

— Get him to do the laundry

— Go on vacation with your friends

A relationship is equal through and through. Let him get the upper hand and allow him to become too comfortable and he will abuse the situation. Just make sure you don’t allow it to happen in the first place.

Relation Fears: Afraid Of Losing Your Freedom?

Relation Fears: Afraid Of Losing Your Freedom?

I have many clients coming to see me distraught because they are not in a committed romantic relationship. They dream of it, yearn for it and feel depressed that they are not in one but when we dig in we uncover that deep down they are afraid of losing freedom: Not necessarily the freedom of flirting and being desired by which feels good to the ego, but the ability of being able to do what they want when they want.

In my coaching practice I work a lot with the subconscious mind because even though you may not be aware of it, your subconscious mind runs the show most of the time. Some experts believe that up to 95% of what we do is due to conditioning from our past experiences: our family dynamics, our friends, and other social connections, what we are taught at school, through the media, our cultural background, all of these have an influence on us without us being aware of it. Talk about lack of freedom! We think that we are choosing to be with someone because we love them, when in fact, we may be with someone because when we were a teenager that type of person was the cool type to be with, which obviously as an adult may not be the most fulfilling relationship to have.

Fear of commitmentI have many clients coming to see me distraught because they are not in a committed romantic relationship. They dream of it, yearn for it and feel depressed that they are not in one but when we dig in we uncover that deep down they are afraid of losing their freedom: Not necessarily the freedom of flirting and being desired by many, which feels good to the ego, but the ability of being able to do what they want when they want.

Relation Fears: Afraid Of Losing Your Freedom?

In my coaching practice I work a lot with the subconscious mind because even though you may not be aware of it, your subconscious mind runs the show most of the time. Some experts believe that up to 95% of what we do is due to conditioning from our past experiences: our family dynamics, our friends, and other social connections, what we are taught at school, through the media, our cultural background, all of these have an influence on us without us being aware of it. Talk about lack of freedom! We think that we are choosing to be with someone because we love them, when in fact, we may be with someone because when we were a teenager that type of person was the cool type to be with, which obviously as an adult may not be the most fulfilling relationship to have.

During childhood, we make up constructs about what love is through observing our parents and family, which naturally has a major defining impact on our lives. While growing up, if you observed one of your parent being a ‘slave’ to the other or felt that because your parents loved you, you had to do what they wanted all the time, you may well have associated being in a relationship with losing your freedom. And subconsciously you will steer away from the person that could bring you a committed relationship.

This is why it is important to know the difference between needing someone vs loving someone. One makes us lose our freedom and the other one not. As a child, you love your parents but you need them for your survival and therefore, may not have the freedom to do what is for your highest good if it goes against what your parents think is best for you. Equally, if you observed one of your parents being a ‘slave’ to the other one it was most likely because that parent needed them either for financial reason or lack of self-esteem.

True freedom is not the ability to do what we want when we want, but the ability to listen to our hearts vs our emotions because that is what makes us truly happy. Our emotions call us to go after pleasure, after what feels good to our senses, but not necessarily what is good for us ultimately, which jails us. For example eating cake all the time may feel good to the senses but ultimately will get you in trouble with your health or going after the cute girl/guy who has nothing in common with you may make your ego feel good for a while but in the long run will get you in trouble.

It is also the ability to do the things we need to do to follow our hearts desires. And some of those things will be fun and some of those things will be challenging. If you are in a committed relationship you may not be able to do what you want to do when you want to do it all the time, however through learning how to love you experience true happiness. Happiness of the heart which is deep and fulfilling cannot be replaced by the pleasures of the senses/emotions.

fear of commitmentWhen we truly love someone, we want the best for them while respecting our needs. When you look at love this way love becomes a give and take, it gives you true freedom.

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Seven things to keep in mind on next dating

Seven things to keep in mind on next dating

Let’s face it, when it comes to meeting the next Mr or Ms Right, we could all do with a little help. Here are seven things to keep in mind next time you’re out on a date.

1. Don’t forget your manners

Without getting too Sir Lancelot about things, a little etiquette goes a long way. If she looks nice, tell her that. Maybe open the door as she walks through, or offer your arm as she steps down from the curb – but play it by ear and don’t go too overboard. Also, make sure you remember her eye colour (trust us on this one) and when you’re comfortable, maybe test the waters by leaning in a little closer as she speaks – if she backs away, well, it’s probably not going well.

2. Be confident

Everyone’s nervous on a first date, but there’s nothing more attractive than a bit of self-confidence. When it comes to conversation, stay in your comfort zone by coming up with a few topics that you can talk about easily so you’re not out of your depth too early. But it’s a delicate balance – no one wants to be the guy who bangs on about his comic book collection all night, or what a pro his is on the bench press. If in doubt, ask your date about themselves and go from there.

It sounds simple, but choosing someone with similar interests is a big plus. If you like nothing better than watching the footy over a few beers – and they hate sports with a passion – it’s probably not going to work out. Just be yourself and don’t try to force it.

Seven things to keep in mind on next dating

3. Offer to pay

If it’s a first date, it won’t do you any harm to pay – or at least offer. Quibbling with who should pick up the bill is a bad look and it’s hardly going to give the best first impression. Then again, remember it’s not the 1950s anymore, so it’s perfectly fine to level the score a bit if you end up seeing each other regularly.

4. Keep it casual

Drinks are fine for a first date. After all, no one wants to sit through the seven-course degustation with someone you’ve only just met – especially if you both realise it’s not going to work after the entrees appear. Also, if it’s a first outing, maybe head to a bar you’ve been to before – you’ll at least know your way there, and it’s one less thing you have to worry about. But avoid just heading to your local watering hole – it’s obvious if you’ve chosen somewhere that’s just around the corner from your pad. Try for something that’s convenient for both of you to get to.

It’s perfectly ok to keep first or second dates to weeknights, but anything after the third outing together should be at the weekend. Otherwise, they’re going to wonder what you’re doing that’s so much more interesting than them. Or, worse, who.

5. Be prepared

Your first date is a great opportunity to show her what you’re made of. And trust us, first impressions count for a lot. If you look like you’ve just stepped out of bed, your date is going to think you don’t really care. Get your hair cut, maybe invest in a new outfit, and check your teeth and nails are looking presentable. Plan to arrive a little early, so you’re not flustered when you walk in the door and you’ve got a bit of time to give yourself the quick once-over in the bathroom mirror.

When it comes time to order, play it fairly safe by avoiding anything you’ve never tried before or that’s tricky to eat. As a general rule, if it involves a bib, best to steer well clear. If you’re no wine boffin, go with the most recent vintage white, or drink pinot if you want red because it suits more food than not.

6. Get a second opinion

If you’re a little clueless or just want to make sure you’re on the right track, don’t be afraid to ask your friends for a few pointers. See what they think of the outfit you’re planning to wear, or the venue you want to take your date to. It might mean you end up dodging the restaurant that gave your mate gastro last week, or that you avoid wearing that shirt all your friends hate. You know the one.

7. Eyes in front

Remember, when you’re on a date with someone, they should the centre of attention. Ask them about themselves and pay attention to their answers. And don’t try to get a sneaky look at your watch or phone – and that blonde sitting at the bar who you just checked out? Yep, they saw that, too.

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Positive elements: How to talk to a woman

Positive elements: How to talk to a woman

Recently single and trying to date after divorce is a tough place to be. It’s scary, self-esteem probably isn’t the best right now, and you’re probably a lot older than you were the last time you were dating. Most likely, there’s a little bit of insecurity going on.

Yet, there is a positive element to being newly divorced and dating again. You are starting a fresh, new chapter of your life, and despite feeling uncertain, there is an element of excitement to it, call it hope, perhaps. It’s a chance to start over—this time with someone who is more right for you.

So, here are my 12 tips for “How to Talk to a woman”:

  1. Be yourself. That’s all you can be. If a woman doesn’t like that, it isn’t a match and you aren’t interested in her either.

  2. Be honest. You might as well be upfront about almost everything, because as the relationship progresses, we’re going to find out later, anyhow.

  3. Being funny is great, but we also don’t want to feel like we’re in a room with Eddie Murphy. That said, women love funny guys who make us laugh.

  4. Ask her about HER. All people (not just women) like to talk about themselves. So, if you can’t think of what to say, just ask her something about herself. Chances are, she’ll go on and on!

  5. Be kind. Just be the nice person that you are. Whatever woman says that women don’t like nice guys is an idiot.

  6. Compliment her, but don’t overdo it and act like you’re sucking up. That is a turnoff.

  7. Don’t act shocked when she tells you her age. Over 45, we don’t buy that act.

  8. Don’t go on and on about your ex and badmouth her. She will never go out with you if you do that. And, if you call your ex the b word, or heaven forbid the c word, forget it. You’re done.

  9. When talking about your kids, it’s cute to be into them, but don’t go on and on for a really long time.

  10. When talking about your job, if you hate it, I wouldn’t share that. Try to talk about the positives of it. There is nothing worse to a woman than a man who hates what he does and does nothing to change his situation.

  11. If you really like her, ask her out during the conversation, not just before you’re ready to walk away. Asking during the conversation makes a woman feel secure and happy, and then the conversation just gets better and better.

  12. My favorite: after you get her number and leave, text her a couple minutes later and say something really cute and witty. We LOVE that!

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Wanna transform your love life?

Wanna transform your love life?

Dating is sometimes harder than it should be. After countless dinners and drinks, it can be tempting to throw in the towel and resign to nights of forever watching Netflix alone in your bed. But when dating is done right, it can be amazing, and those great dates often lead to great relationships. So consider this your dating playbook, with all the information you need to survive the first date.

Go beyond the bar scene

Sure, you might meet the love of your life while sipping gin and tonics, but wouldn’t it be so much cooler to say you met at a mud run? You never know where you’re going to meet the next person you date, so if you’re only looking in one spot (like that bar where you’re a regular) then you’re missing out on tons of possible partners. We know plenty of couples who have met while standing in line at the grocery store, a Target parking lot, even a naked reality show. The takeaway? Love can crop up anywhere, so get out there and keep your eyes open.

Let your friends set you up

No one loves you quite like your friends do, so let them set you up with someone that they can vouch for. “It’s better for single people to meet through friends because there’s a familiarity and comfort that goes with that,” says behavioral scientist Christie Hartman, Ph.D. “A friend setting you up means the guy is ‘vetted’ to some extent.”

So let them play matchmaker—but first, lay down some rules. Make it clear ahead of time that the way the date goes is totally not a reflection on your friend, or you, or the guy. Hey, sometimes chemistry is there, and sometimes it isn’t. So unless your friend is Patti Stanger, remind her that it’s no one’s fault if this goes horribly wrong. (But if it goes totally right, you should probably buy her a drink).

Wanna transform your love life?

Consider dating your friends

The term “friend zone” should totally be banished—in part, because your friends can sometimes make the best dates. Think about it: Someone you’re already friends with is likely to have similar values, to know your background and your family, and to make you feel ultra comfortable with them. Plus, friendship is the foundation for any relationship, so having that bond established can be key, says relationship expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.

Focus on first impressions

First dates can be overwhelming, so streamline your focus into making the first few moments count. It takes only 12 minutes for you to decide if you’re interested in the other person (and for them to decide if they dig you) so bring your A-game the second you arrive. To make a stellar first impression, make eye contact, smile, and focus on what he’s saying, according to Susan RoAne, author of How to Work a Room: The Ultimate Guide to Making Lasting Connections—In Person and Online. And don’t forget to check in with yourself, too! You might be so focused on making a flawless first impression that you forget to ask yourself if you’re even into the other person.

Don’t play it cool on a date

We’ve all been told that guys love the chase, but according to research, that’s not exactly true. One study showed that men are more attracted to responsive women, and women who were kind and warm right off the bat. That doesn’t mean being over-the-top eager—you don’t have to laugh at his jokes if they’re not funny—but it’s definitely OK to respond to that text in a timely manner, or tell him how much fun you’re having. Being kind is definitely a turn on, so forget what you’ve been told about playing it ice-cold.

Avoid oversharing

Word-vomit happens, but one way to tank a first date is to admit how long you spent Google stalking him or accidentally blurt out, “Woah, you look exactly like my ex!” The censorship walls can come down after a little bit, but try to steer clear of these awkward comments on a first date, or we’re guessing there won’t be a second one.

Pay attention to how you talk to each other

It’s more than just what you’re saying—it’s how you say it. One study showed that when men talk to a woman they find attractive, they tend to vary their vocal pitch from high to low tones (in a sing-songy way). If you’re looking to analyze the long-term potential, pay attention to the types of words you both use. Another study suggested that people who use the same function words (maybe you both say “quite” and “tons” a lot) are more likely to couple up and stay together.

Follow their gaze

Is it love at first sight? It depends on where their eyeballs land. Research suggests that when someone feels a romantic connection, his or her gaze tends to linger on the other person’s face. When they just feel sexual desire, their eyes tend to wander around the person’s body. During the next date you’re on, follow their gaze. If he’s staring into your eyes all night, there’s a good chance he’s really into you.

Don’t let your friends ruin your vibe

Getting your friends’ (and family’s) opinion on your new beau is essential, but if you ask too soon, it could color your own feelings. One study showed that when opinions were framed differently—saying that “seven out of ten” people liked your date, versus “three out of ten” people didn’t like him—it can seriously affect our own evaluation. So you might want to avoid asking for an outside opinion until you’ve gotten the chance to make one yourself.

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5 Simple steps to impress a woman on the phone

5 Simple steps to impress a woman on the phone

Getting her number is half the battle. Once you have it, use it wisely or you’ll never get past “hello.” Women don’t just judge guys based on looks; they’re also drawn to dudes who have a way with words. Treat each phone conversation as if it’s as important as a date, and you’ll impress a girl with your maturity and manners.

Step 1

Call at an appropriate time, and have a reason for calling. Don’t call early in the morning, too late at night, or when you know she’s tied up at work or school. It’s OK if you’re just calling to chat, but let her know at the beginning of the conversation. Better yet, ask her to get together and turn your phone call into a date.

Step 2

Speak clearly. Maintain a moderate volume, so she can hear what you’re saying without straining, or without having to pull the phone away from her ear. Use a pleasant tone so she can hear the smile in your voice. When you’re talking to girls on the phone, you need to convey your charm through your voice alone; she can’t see that you’re grinning from ear to ear, but a soft chuckle will give her a clue.

Step 3

Eliminate distractions when you’re calling a girl. Turn off or lower the volume on the TV or stereo. Step outside if you’re in a noisy, crowded place. If you’re driving in your car, roll up the windows. If there’s too much background noise on your end, you won’t be able to hear her clearly and you’ll be shouting in her ear to compete.

Most anything you do while you’re on the phone is audible to the person on the other end of the line; don’t multitask, chew or flush the toilet. If you need to clear your throat, cough or sneeze, turn away from the phone and excuse yourself. Carrying on a conversation with someone else who’s in the room with you while you’re on the phone with her is a big no-no; it’s immature, rude and disrespectful.

Step 4

Show interest. Listen when she’s speaking, and don’t interrupt. When she’s finished telling you something, draw her out even more by asking questions. Direct the conversation to topics you both know something about; don’t try to impress her with a monologue about football when you know she isn’t a fan.

Step 5

End the call gracefully. If the conversation is going strong, by all means, keep talking. As soon as you notice the conversation winding down, or you feel an uncomfortable silence, wrap it up. Maintain an upbeat tone and let her know you’ve really enjoyed talking with her. Instead of making her wonder if you’re bored with the conversation, excuse yourself with a solid excuse — meeting up with a friend, taking the dog for a run — and solidify plans for your next call or an upcoming date.

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Sex and love on university campus

Sex and love on university campus

Traditional dating rules no longer apply – with freshers’ weeks underway across the country, here’s what really goes on at university.

Just when you think you’ve learnt the laws of dating, they go and change every last rule in the book. Teenagers today have grown up in a culture where television sitcoms dissect the “third date rule” and pop songs talk of true love. But as university students navigate the mayhem of freshers’ week, they can give up on waiting for their first date of the term.

Dating, boyfriends and exes have followed “courtship” to become quaint relics of the past. Instead, get used to a world where couples “see each other”, exes “have a history” and casual dating means “we have a thing”.

Welcome to university

It’s no secret that students have a lot of sex. There are no early-morning starts, plenty of opportunities for drunken liaisons, and hundreds of possible partners – all of whom spend their days reading, snacking on toast and hanging out in groups for hours on end. Traditional concerns about when to have sex and with whom aren’t completely absent from campus but are treated as curious and unnecessary constraints on a good time.

Sex and love on university campus

Leeroy, who’s about to start his third year at Manchester University, says a relaxed attitude towards sex is standard, and he’s slept with six women and kissed another “40 or 50” since starting university. But in keeping with the collegiate atmosphere, his partners aren’t unfamiliar one night stands but friends who he sees regularly at parties. For a while, Leeroy had sex every day with a student living on the floor below him in halls – “we’re still friends now”, he says.

And in two years of studying at Manchester University, Leeroy’s only been on one date, which he says was “really awkward”. “She was not my type at all but I just went along with it and pretended I was into One Direction and was a Christian. She invited me to her flat and we slept together. I never asked her out again,” he adds.
Leeroy may sound like the kind of callous lothario that worried fathers warn their daughters against, but the English literature student insists that no one was hurt. After all, he says, “it’s not like she asked me out again either” – and the pair still chat whenever they see each other around campus.

Traditionalists may squirm, but Leeroy’s experience is typical of students across the country. Formal dating is now a rarity, with many students unlikely to go on one date as a way to get to know a potential love interest. Instead, students have plenty of free time to socialise in groups, and so friendship, sex and romance blend together.

Leeroy is a fan of the social set up. Apart from the time he caught two STDs – chlamydia and gonorrhoea at the same time – and one instance with a girl who bit his lip until it was swollen, he says he has no regrets about his sex life. Forget worries about third-date sex or anxious chat up lines – university students have thrown structure out the window in their hunt for love and sex. But while dating is a rarity, university romances are as complicated as ever.

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The Best Teen Romances in Movies

The Best Teen Romances in Movies

At a time when hormones are raging and every obstacle seems like it could ruin your entire life, love can feel like life or death, and in movies, it sometimes can be. But teen romance can also be sweeter and more earnest than the romance between grown-ups in movies, and sometimes it’s a little more fun, too. With a new version of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ hitting theaters this weekend, we thought we’d take a look back at the best teenage romances in movies. From the comedic to the melodramatic, these are the love stories that warm our hearts, put a smile on our lips, or cover our faces with tears — so many tears.

10 Things I Hate About You

A modernization of William Shakespeare’s ‘The Taming of the Shrew,’ ’10 Things I Hate About You’ is a complicated love story — Julia Stiles and Larisa Oleynik play Kat and Bianca, sisters and total opposites. Kat is more interested in her studies and is already jaded by school boys, while Bianca is naive and eager to date. Cameron (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) wants to date Bianca, but she can’t date until Kat does, so he pays Patrick (Heath Ledger — our hearts are still hurting over that loss) to woo Kat.

Through all the drama, betrayal, and wacky shenanigans, these teens come to realize that love can be found in someone you least expect — or, for Kat, someone whom you despise. We love watching Kat slowly realize that Patrick is her perfect match, or impatiently waiting for Bianca to take the blinders off and give Cameron a chance. And we especially love Heath Ledger’s rousing rendition of “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” on the bleachers.

The Best Teen Romances in Movies

Dirty Dancing

‘Dirty Dancing’ is a teen love classic. Jennifer Grey plays Frances “Baby” Houseman, the daughter of a well-to do family on vacation at a fancy resort, where she meets Johnny Castle (Patrick Swayze), a bad boy dance instructor — and not the kind of guy her parents want her to end up with. When Baby learns of Johnny and his friends’ after-hours dirty dancing parties, she gets Johnny to teach her some movies… but he ends up teaching her so much more about dignity and respect, both toward others and toward herself. Johnny opens Baby’s eyes to a world beyond her picket fences, and the two fall in love despite what everyone else might think.

Moonrise Kingdom

Wes Anderson’s ‘Moonrise Kingdom’ tells the story of troubled wild child Suzy and precocious orphan Sam, who run away together and send all the adults in their lives into a frenzy. It’s a lovely coming of age story about first love, and how kids perceive the occurrences in their world as equally consequential as the trials grown-ups have to deal with. Why can’t Suzy and Sam be in love?! Love, drama, and hardship aren’t only applicable to adults. Anderson, inspierd in part by Terrence Malick’s ‘Badlands,’ creates a true love story that seems impossible, but only if you refuse to believe in it.

Edward Scissorhands

Way back when Tim Burton and Johnny Depp first began their long working relationship, Depp starred in ‘Edward Scissorhands,’ as the titular character — a lonely teen boy who was created by a brilliant inventor in a castle way up on the hill, overlooking a picturesque suburban town. When his “father” dies, Edward is rescued by an Avon saleswoman, who takes him home and tries to civilize him.

Edward falls in love with her daughter Kim, played by Winona Ryder, and the two form an unlikely relationship, later threatened by her bull-headed jock boyfriend. ‘Edward Scissorhands’ is an uplifting and heartbreaking story of teen romance, and of looking beneath the surface to find a more meaningful connection. Edward not only teaches Kim what it means to open her heart, but he teaches an entire town as well.

The Best Teen Romances in Movies

Say Anything…

Cameron Crowe’s 1989 film ‘Say Anything’ stars John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler, an average teen who just graduated high school along with the intellectual valedictorian Diane (Ione Skye). Lloyd impresses the socially-limited Diane with his undying devotion over the summer leading up to college, when Diane is set to move away to England.

And then there’s that iconic scene, when Lloyd stands outside of Diane’s window with a boombox, blaring Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.” How could she not fall in love with him right then and there?! ‘Say Anything’ doesn’t have your typical happily ever after ending, but it’s definitely a happy one for Lloyd and Diane, who overcome family pressure and trials to experience their first love before entering the grown-up world.

Pretty in Pink

John Hughes and Molly Ringwald gave us some of the best movies of the ’80s. ‘Pretty in Pink’ features Ringwald as a senior high school outcast. Andie is in love with preppy Blane (Andrew McCarthy), and Andie’s best friend Duckie (Jon Cryer) is desperately in love with her. And although Blane likes Andie, his popular friends are total jerks about it, and it’s making him kind of a jerk, too.

‘Pretty in Pink’ is a movie that shows us how love shouldn’t be based on what other people think, and when you find someone special, the rest of the world shouldn’t matter. For Duckie, it’s also about how when you love someone, you should want them to be happy, even if that happiness has nothing to do with you. It’s a sweet, classic movie that, like most of the films on this list, puts an interesting spin on the traditional story of love against all odds — the best kind of love!

The Best Teen Romances in Movies

Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist

Nick (Michael Cera) is a struggling musician in L.A. whose girlfriend just dumped him. By chance, he runs into Norah (Kat Dennings), the daughter of a music producer — oh, and she happens to be friends with Nick’s ex. In order to avoid the advances of a guy who just wants to use her for her connections, Norah has Nick pretend to be her boyfriend for the evening.

The two bump heads at first, but the longer they’re stuck together, the more they realize they’re sort of perfect for each other. Using the backdrop of the L.A. indie music scene (and with an awesome soundtrack), ‘Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist’ feels legit by having its characters find common ground in sharing the music they love before finding the love they share.

Sixteen Candles

John Hughes and Molly Ringwald make the list again. How could we not include ‘Sixteen Candles’?! This time around, Ringwald plays Sam, a girl whose family has forgotten all about her 16th birthday because her sister is about to get married. Sam has a crush on school jock Jake, who doesn’t seem to know she exists, but when a “sex quiz” she fills out makes its way into Jake’s hands by accident (including the sensitive info that she wants to lose her virginity to him), Jake starts to get a bit curious about this Sam girl.

Sam is one of the best teenage girl characters in movie history: she’s put-upon, ignored by her parents, feels invisible to the one guy she has a crush on, and the guy who has a crush on her is some geeky kid (who she’s actually nice to, as she should be, and ends up being key in her happy ending). ‘Sixteen Candles’ also gives us one of the most romantic teen movie endings, when Jake goes out of his way to find Sam and give her the happy birthday she deserves.

Romeo and Juliet

There have been a few film iterations of William Shakespeare’s ‘Romeo and Juliet,’ but one of the best — and most memorable — is Baz Luhrmann’s version, a visual modernization in which the characters all recite the original Shakesperean dialogue. It’s a brilliant move that allows people to connect on an aesthetic level while staying true to the classic story.

Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio play the star-crossed lovers of warring families, who fall in love at first sight (impossible! But it happens!) and must carry on their tortured relationship in secret. Their love is tragic and reflects impetuous, melodramatic teenage behavior while also respecting the genuine emotions involved. No matter how many times you watch this movie, you’ll always keep your fingers crossed that it ends differently.


Teen love gets even more complicated with the additon of an unplanned pregnancy in ‘Juno.’ Directed by Jason Reitman from a script by Diablo Cody, the film tells the story of young Juno (Ellen Page), who takes the virginity of her BFF Paulie (Michael Cera) and winds up with more than either of them bargained for. When Juno offers her unborn child up for adoption to a seemingly perfect married couple, she learns that there’s no such thing as an ideal relationship, and that sometimes when things fall apart, it’s not the end — but the beginning of something beautiful. Cody’s quirky, teen-speak-heavy dialogue creates a more honest, relatable experience. And can we talk about how perfect this soundtrack is?

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