It is important to begin the article with the mantra of an obvious fact – that wine is an amazing way to meet new people and get a between the lines look at who someone is.
Knowing your wine means knowing geography, culture, history and the art that goes into making the most sophisticated beverage known to us. Now, I don’t mean to say that you need to be a so called “wine snob” – because that only says you’re a snob. I mean getting to know more about the bottle you’re sharing together to show a sense of passion and culture to your character. What’s more attractive in a person than that?
Bringing a bottle of Yellowtail to a party, or ordering something that ordinary at a restaurant with someone is comparable to discussing how cultured and well traveled you are, then emoting on a recent trip to Daytona wearing a shirt that needs ironing. This doesn’t mean you have to break the bank for a better wine, but just to put more thought and care into the bottle you open.
For the novice in wine, a great way to start is to know what you like. What varietal do you like? Do you like Merlot? Then look at an independent wine agency, or simply head to your LCBO (especially one with a strong vintages section) and talk to someone there about different regions (BC and Oregon make amazing Merlots) and look for something in a comfortable zone price range that you’ve never heard of.
Being uncommon, doesn’t make a wine necessarily more expensive. Google it and learn more about it so you can discuss what you know. Learn some tasting notes, the layers of flavour, find out what cheese will go well with it, and show some care into what you’ve opened – that will go a long way to say a lot about you.
The advanced oenophile will already know what I’m talking about, but that doesn’t mean you can’t grow further, and use your knowledge to even host a wine tasting – is there a better way to meet someone?
One of the main problems people have is remembering many different things, from basic names and numbers to complex phrases, tasks phone numbers, etc. The human mind houses many different types of information in different areas of the brain. If we want access to some information, the brain must instantly go through all of these areas just to find that desired date or telephone number.
However, this operation does not always go as smoothly as intended because of interruptions. Some examples might include searching for our car keys, forgetting some important date like a birthday or anniversary at the wrong moment. These problems show up for all people from different ages. Although there are many supplements on the market claiming they can improve your memory, they are not the best options. Some of them are true but they are either expensive or contain side effects.
The best ways to improve your memory, proven and natural is to exercise your brain and to maintain healthy habits. One of the best practices is writing down a list. Create a list with all the information in order can improve our short-term memory. The ordinary human cannot remember more than 7 notions at once. Therefore, it is recommended to make lists and keep the information organized when going shopping. Memorizing the order of the information in a list can also improve our memory. Connecting a single element with an image or an object can also help towards that.
Another way to improve memory is to focus on the things we want to remember or becoming fascinated by it. If we are not thinking about something or someone, we are unlikely to keep them in mind. Being enthusiastic will created easier recalling. For instance, when we meet someone for the first time, many of us have problem remembering their names. In order to fix that, try becoming interested about them. Show genuine interest in that individual and spend several minutes asking them questions related to their lives, any sports they might play, hobbies in which they are interested or many other things. Although this looks quite simple, it is a great way to increase your memory and improve your relationships.
The third way to improve memory is by playing games that require thinking. You can start from simple memory games to complex strategy games. One recent experiment was carried out with elder people. They were given the task to play a complex strategy game for two weeks. The end results were the same for all the participants – increased in memorizing ability, increased in reaction time and increased brain activities. Chess, backgammon, cards, puzzles, crosswords, and many other games can help towards better memory. There are other factors that affect memory power as well. These include sleeping, reading, exercising, and listening to the music. These are some of the best ways to improve your memory.
Some people wonder why married people flirt. They make the false assumption that the taking of vows suddenly turns off any playfulness or sexual attraction with anyone but a spouse. The idea with marriage is that saying “I do” usually includes the unspoken understanding”… and I won’t with anyone else!” The idea of fidelity, of “cleaving to you only” is integral and common to most marriage vows.
That kind of action is well within the power of the husband and wife – you can always control your actions. What you can’t control is your desire – that is, you can’t say “…and I won’t ever want to with anyone else!” If a woman has always been turned on by firemen, for example, the idea that saying the words “I do” will suddenly turn off that biochemical response is ludicrous.
A Release Valve
Married people who realize this may also realize that there is a lot of pressure when you try to just “turn off” what might have been an ingrained habit established over years or decades. Not that everyone needs to flirt, or that everyone flirts, but if the reason you fell in love with a girl in the first place is because she was outgoing, teasing, and playfully engaging with you and others, why would you think that would be easy to just turn off?
It is certainly possible – and newlyweds especially usually only have eyes for each other, which makes it seem easy. But once that new-relationship energy wears off, and they settle back into their everyday life, the original habits return – and having to struggle to turn them off can become very frustrating. One of the reasons why married people flirt is simply to keep that fun in their lives – so that being married doesn’t mean losing a fun and harmless part of their joy in life.
A Matter of Degree
Of course, before married people flirt, it’s probably a good idea if they work out with each other what the definition of flirting is. Some very insecure and jealous people will try to enforce a rule like “Don’t even look at another woman!” which is both unrealistic and unfair in a culture that counts on sexy female forms in just about every kind of marketing.
But it’s a good idea to talk out with your partner what you think is flirting and what isn’t. Friendly conversation? Dancing a tango? Going to coffee? Sexual innuendo? What about online chats? All of these could be considered a form of flirting, and knowing what level it becomes uncomfortable for your partner lets you both make informed decisions – whether that be modifying your own behavior or your partner working on handling insecurity and jealousy.
The 2010 Oscar winner Mo’Nique made waves when she revealed that her marriage was “open” – it included the right for each of them to have other sexual partners. That’s an extreme level of “flirting”, certainly, but it illustrates the fact that “cheating” means breaking the rules – but the people who make the rules of a marriage are the ones who are in it, no one else.
Is It Really A Good Idea?
Of course, if married people flirt with others, it’s also usually a good idea that they flirt with each other, as well. One of the biggest dangers of marriage is reaching a point where it no longer feels exciting, where you feel like you’re in a rut. Some people go so far as to fear that they’ve fallen out of love with their spouse, and that’s when rules and marriages get broken.
Often what is really happening is a transition into a new kind of relationship, that goes deeper than the hunt-and-chase of the flirtatious dating scene and into the realm of security, trust, and commitment. But dating is fun, and by making sure you and your spouse are both still flirting, teasing, and dating – even after decades of marriage, like Mo’Nique – it will help give your relationship the best of both worlds.
One of the biggest criticisms of men is that they are lazy, they get too complacent, far too comfortable, especially in relationships. They think they have got you and think they can keep you with the minimal amount of effort. And to be honest, they often manage it. Why? Because you let them. By the time you have woken up to the fact that your new man is not trying, its often too late to change things, or him. You can of course leave him and often you do, but only after your man has wasted months of your relationships time.
So why does it happen in the first place? Well men are designed like hunters. They like hunting, generally in packs and sometimes alone. Either way, they are doing the chasing for women like you. The problem arrives like a bolt of lightening when they wake up one day with you beside them and realize that they have got you and you appear content. Appear being the operative word. They are in a relationship with you and the chasing has stopped (or so they think). Take away a man’s raison d’être and what have you got, a lazy man.
Remember that I blamed you. Well of course that’s only partially true. But the fact is, if you don’t keep your man standing on quicksand, he will lay down and go to sleep. As a man likes to chase, he likes to feel he has achieved greatness by achieving you as his girlfriend. Once he has done that he will proudly display his trophy and be content. He will set about creating his idea of perfect domestic bliss and being loved-up you will go along with it. What you may not realize is that you are putting up with a lot of crap along the way in the early stages. You may well know it , but unless you have kept him in check some ground rules may have been set. To become his mother is not the path to relationship heaven.
The question is, can you keep him on his toes. Can you keep him wanting you as if he was fighting for his life? Of course you can, you just need to do it that’s all. He is going to call you at work and ask what time you are home. He is going to make assumptions that you are doing some things he likes this weekend. He will assume you love spending your weekend with his nieces and nephews. You are going to let him do that? Of course not. You are going to make him worry. Unnecessarily of course because you love him. But this is for his and your own good before it is too late.
The path to relationship heaven with a man is to make him work for you, to date you, to want you, as if you were the only woman to walk the earth. You do that by changing his expectations and goalposts continually after you have become a couple. To settle in to domestic routine is to allow him to move into a comfort zone you will later regret. At first you may feel you want that too. You both want to be domesticated and fall into a routine. But then you will panic.
Who does the washing, cleaning and ironing ? Was it decided that you were the best at it? When you first met him, his shirts were perfectly laundered and you didn’t do them then. Who said you could cook better than him? Remember that perfect meal he made you on your third date? Where did those culinary skills go? Remember getting up at 6am to make you a surprise breakfast in bed, who said that had to stop? Little by little, you begin collecting his socks from the floor by the bed, you turn the TV off after he has fallen asleep on the sofa at 11pm. You pick him up from the bar after his regular night out with his buddies. And you blame him for getting comfortable? Okay , so it is time to do something about it.
You don’t need to change your man if you start early enough, because he is there for the molding. Men are starting to be aware that women implant ideas in their heads and let the guy take the credit but they are not yet generally advanced enough to make an issue of this. So plant away all you like. He will accept. The fact is, you need to ensure your man is never ever allowed to lay down flat in the comfort zone. Every now and again you have to stir things up and be as equal in ground rules from the very start, as he. Ignore this at your peril.
How many times have you heard men say, I only realized how much I love you after I lost you? That is because their comfort zone was rudely removed and they woke up. So your task is to not allow them to go to sleep in the first place. We all want a quiet life with no head games. We don’t need to play carefully constructed games as we get older? Ehm, I think you will find that you do. Nice games, but games that allow you to mature together before your relationship falls apart. You can be comfortable after 40 years of marriage in your dotage like your parents but to reach that point you better make sure that your man never takes you for granted. Not unless you want a life of unfulfillment.
Men will and do take their girls for granted because they are allowed to get away with it. By the same token, men love to chase their girls and feel huge pride in loving a real catch. To be the real catch you have to keep him fishing. And from time to time you need to get him to change the bait on his hook. Why would he look elsewhere at another women if he is constantly wanting and needing you? Let him take you for granted and watch what happens! So it is down to you to make that happen, to keep him chasing you. You could argue that you want a lazy life too and don’t want to get the man you love to stand on quicksand. Fair enough, the problem is you will realize all too late that you are not happy with your later situation and by then, maybe it’s too late.
To keep your man interested and chasing you may want to follow some of the tips here:
— Keep him out of his comfort zone by making rules early on, even if he doesn’t like them
— Make sure he realizes just how desirable you are to others
Never become lazy yourself
— Don’t be at his beck and call
— Ensure you retain your friends, interests, vacations and activities to a degree
— Never allow him to think you are reliant on him
— Keep some of your finances separate
— Don’t always return his phone calls
— Don’t allow him to know what you are thinking all the time
— Socialize without him occasionally
— All domestic duties are shared, no excuses
— Threaten to dump him occasionally
— Use all your womanly powers that you employ so well in the early stages of dating
— Change your mind about things occasionally and keep him guessing
— Ensure you retain male friends you had before
— Find his weak spots and use them when need be
— Do not run around after him
— Get him to do the laundry
— Go on vacation with your friends
A relationship is equal through and through. Let him get the upper hand and allow him to become too comfortable and he will abuse the situation. Just make sure you don’t allow it to happen in the first place.
Are you considering having a love affair with a married man? Before you do something you may regret, consider the pros and cons of having an affair. Regardless of your feelings about affairs, the fact is there are some benefits to cheating.
The most common reason people have an affair is for sex. Sometimes the affair is only about sex, while other times an emotional cheating relationship becomes physical. The married man may fulfill you in ways other men have not. He may also be more adventurous than your spouse or other men you have dated. Whatever the situation is, you are likely to have some great sex with a married man, even if most of the excitement comes from the possibility of being caught.
One of the most exciting times in a relationship is at the beginning. Getting to know someone new and trying new activities together is a lot of fun. A long-term relationship may feel boring and stale in comparison. Even if you or your married lover has no plans of getting a divorce, the excitement of a new relationship may prove too hard to resist.
Sometimes what causes a married man to have an affair is a need for emotional fulfillment. He may have grown apart from his wife over the years and wants to find someone whom understands him. If he also understands you as well, the satisfaction this brings will often be more fulfilling than sex.
Some people think divorce is worse than having an affair. If you agree with that statement, then an affair could be seen as a way of saving a marriage.
h3>What About The Downsides?
While there are several positive elements of having a love affair with a married man, the downsides are many and potentially devastating.
The married man is putting his marriage at risk having an affair with you, and you risk the same if you are also married. You may not care about being caught, but your feelings may change if your spouse finds out and files for divorce. Sometimes we don’t realize what we have until we lose it.
Being caught involves more risks than just divorce. It can also ruin your career or your reputation. Even if you are single, you’ll still be labeled as ” the other woman” which can carry as much if not more negative stigmatism as the adulterous husband. You could lose friends and family support and your reputation in the city could be ruined as well.
He May Not Leave His Wife
Sometimes the hope of having a love affair is that he will leave his wife and marry you. This does happen in some cases. However, the majority of the time, the married man only wants to have an affair. Even if he says he loves you and plans to leave his wife, nothing is certain as long as he is still married.
Fantasy is Not Reality
Affairs often have a fantasy feel about them. The problem comes when you expect the fantasy to continue. Even if he does leave his wife and marries you, eventually the day-to-day realities of being married will replace the fantasy. In other words, getting what you want may turn out bad if what you really loved was the fantasy. In addition, in this scenario, your relationship will have been born out of cheating. Now that you are his wife, what’s to say he won’t start cheating on you?
Not Ultimately Fulfilling
If you are single and having a relationship with a married man, it will not be as fulfilling as dating a single guy. The relationship has to be secret, you can’t have your parents meet him and he will be in the arms and bed of another woman. Is that the kind of relationship you want?
Before you have an affair with a married man, carefully consider the good and bad elements. What may start as exciting might in the end cost you more than you were prepared to lose.
Signs of infidelity are numerous and while men and women typically handle deception in different ways, they share many of the same suspicious behavior or activities when engaged in unfaithful activities. So what should you look for if you are worried that your partner is being unfaithful?
The more obvious signs include:
— A pattern of frequent absences from home for a myriad of reasons: shopping, business trips, working late, trips to places where the partner is “out of reach”
— Unexplained bills, high phone bills or secret credit cards
— Secrecy – hiding phone calls, hiding computer usage, hiding money, deleting texts and phone call histories quickly
— Partner comes home in different clothing than they went out
Partner comes home smelling of another man or woman’s cologne or perfume
— Partner tells ridiculous or tall tales as a way to explain absences or overspending
— Your partner is diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease
— Sex life – it’s not the frequency or quality you should watch out for, but the actions. Has your partner learned new moves lately? They may have come from sleeping with someone else, though that isn’t always the case. Don’t discount a sudden increase or decrease in sex, but interest may decrease long before an affair starts.
— Less emotional intimacy – If your partner used to talk a lot and suddenly the talking dies down, the talking could be still going on–with someone else.
— Sudden interest in exercising or tanning
— Not wearing a wedding ring
— Being at home less
— Spends more time on appearance than usual
— Immediately showers after getting home
— Someone tells you they saw your partner out with someone else
Covering up a choice
More often than not, when you are lying about something, you will say too much by way of covering up a choice. For example, the cheater may go on a vacation or business trip alone, but his / her meal expense at a restaurant is more than any one-person can eat.
So the person tells the story of knocking a server and spilling a tray of food, then continues to elaborate saying he / she spilled the food of a family of four, so the partner paid their food bill by way of apology. Yet the food bill is not enough to cover food for four plus his or her meal as well.
This is the danger of lying. If a story sounds suspicious or unusual or with far too many slapstick details, it is a warning sign that they are covering up behavior or interaction they don’t want you to know about.
I had a very interesting conversation with a male client of mine. We were discussing his challenges with his relationship. He told me that in his men’s circle (peer group), the common idea they have, is that they just want their spouse to accept them for who they are. They don’t want to be told what to do or how to do it; they just want to be accepted for who they are.
I asked him if he loves himself for who he really is? Perhaps his real challenge was his own self image. Did he truly accept himself, with his strengths and weaknesses?
Did his self-image include his yin/yang, his light and dark sides, his strengths and weaknesses? In his mind, was he instead supposed to be some kind of superhero without flaws, who therefore did not need any feedback on what he is doing? Was he holding a realistic image of himself or some super hero fantasy?
Working together, we saw that he did have the subconscious belief that as a man, he ‘should’ be super powerful and capable so that he could dominate the relationship. Consciously he did not want to dominate but subconsciously and culturally, he was supposed to be the dominant one. Therefore, whenever his spouse would ask for something that needed to be done or that he had overlooked… it meant that he was being criticized. It meant that he was not a dominant man, so he felt ‘attacked’ instead of seeing it as normal feedback between equals. Subconsciously, he felt that as a man, if he did not dominate, he would be weak and his spouse would leave him.
I think that as women it is easier to accept that we have both light and dark sides, strength and weaknesses. Why? Because it’s culturally accepted; we are not less of a woman if we have ‘weaknesses’. In contrast, in many cultures, you are less of a man if you have or show ‘weaknesses’.
I think that subconsciously as women, we are more comfortable accepting feedback or demands as it does not mean that we are less if we are shown what to do. One exception to this is when it comes to physical beauty or how to raise our children, as that targets what historically has made us ‘real women.’
For women, when we give feedback to our man and he does not follow it, we end up feeling that “he is a weakling or stupid” and that we will need to do “everything by ourselves.” This starts to create tension and challenges in relationships because her tone of voice changes. She sounds irritated when she asks something of her husband because “she knows” he will not do what needs to be done! That tone then kicks in his desire to stand his ground and avoid being dominated by her, which in his mind makes him less of a man. And…if he’s not a real man…she will leave him!
I think this is an amazing pattern that many of us get caught in and it creates romantic challenges.
Do you feel unfilled in your relationship? Are you continuously attracting boring dates? Want to spark up your love life? Here’s my best advice for you. Drum roll please… You need to get out of your comfort zone!
Let me first tell you the reason why you feel bored and un-stimulated in your love life [this can apply to any area of your life as well] it’s because you are staying in your comfort zone. Trying new things will bring life and passion back into your relationships.
Learning a new activity with your partner is known to bring back more passion in a couple. What kind of adventure or new activity could you go on, that would get you to bond and learn new things together? Maybe it’s skiing lessons? How about, taking a trip to a place you haven’t been before? Or skydiving?
Cooking classes on exotic dishes can really open you up to some new excitement. Let’s not forget about tantric sex. These could all be ways to get out of your comfort zone. Think about what would you both enjoy doing that would stretch you? Here’s one I highly recommend: show vulnerability and trust that your partner will still love you. That’s one of the most exciting things you can do with a partner.
If you are not in a committed relationship but keep on attracting dates that are boring it’s probably because you are going for what feels safe. When we are not confident, we often go for someone we feel deep down is not a match at some level because “if it does not work out we won’t be devastated”.
Have you always wanted to go out with a certain person you know that you find extremely attractive, but you don’t let yourself show your interest? How about going for someone who sees through you and calls you on who you are and is totally into you? How about someone who is emotionally available, who would actually be a really nice person for you and wants to be in a committed relationship?
So be honest with yourself now and see if there is not some place for some more courageous actions you could take that would spice up your love life!