Category: Dating Problems

Signs she’s secretly In love with you

Signs she’s secretly In love with you

There are two main channels of romantic interest for adults. First, there are the people you meet at a bar, at a party, or through an online dating site. In these scenarios, the mutual attraction and interest is often instant: you immediately ask each other out, or hook up, or date, or whatever.

Then there are the times when you meet people and mutual attraction is not assured. Your new co-worker, a friend’s roommate, your roommate’s sister, the guy who works at the coffee shop next door. Do they like you? You have no idea. But what you’re left with is what in high school parlance is referred to as a crush. Because of whatever complications, you don’t feel like you can just ask this person out. But you’ve got it for them, and you’ve got it bad.

As adults, we’re beyond doodling in notepads and feverishly writing diary entries — but we can still get a little weird about our crushes.

I asked a group of female friends to brainstorm how, exactly, they behave towards someone on whom they have a secret crush. Nobody does all of these things at once, but chances are, if you’ve ever had a crush, a couple of these bullet points will sound pretty familiar. (You could call some of these behaviors “creepy.” I prefer the adjectives “diligent” and “enthusiastic.”)

“Life would be so much easier if you could just be like, ‘YO. I’m in love with you,’ with no consequence,” one contributor said via GChat. Preach.

So, here you go. A no-holds-barred list of the things we do when we’re secretly in love with you.

I laugh really hard when you’re within ear shot, and make sure I look super engaged with who ever I’m talking to.”

“I send you a link to an article about something we talked about once, in passing.”

I get really dressed up when I know I’m going to see you and then act surprised/dismissive when you say I look nice. (‘Really? Huh. I just came from work…’)”

“I listen to songs I think you’d like on Spotify and hope you see them on my Facebook feed.”

“I all of the sudden get buddy-buddy with your friends.

I tweet about things that aren’t directly about you, but that I know will interest you.”

I never leave the bar before you do — I don’t care how early I have to work the next morning.”

“I live in fear that you will somehow learn how often I visit your Facebook page.”

“I text you something random or ‘funny’ my coworker did, just to start the conversation.”

“I go out of my way to not seem jealous of other women, going so far as to force you to say tell another girl how pretty she is.”

I change my GChat status to something I want you to see.”

“I find out everything I can about you and then pretend to be surprised when you tell me something about yourself in person.”

“I stand in the same circle as you but avoid eye contact and only talk to the person standing next to you.”

“If we’re sitting at a table, booth, or bench, I will sit closer to you than to the person on my other side. I will make sure our arms accidentally graze each other.”

“I take advantage of every possible opportunity to “@” you on twitter.”

“I go out of my way to walk by you on the way to the bar.”

“I spend parties standing in your line of sight.”

I dress inappropriately for events because you complimented that outfit another time. (‘Aren’t you cold?’ ‘… no.’)”

“I google anyone I found out you dated/hooked-up with/were interested in, just to see how I measure up.”

“I make up a ‘work question’ that we need to have coffee / lunch / drinks to discuss, because I’d really like your professional opinion on the matter. (Ideally, I’d also like to make out.)”

“I have Skype, gchat, and Facebook chat always up just in case you sign into one of the three messaging platforms.”

I invite you to a party I’m throwing. And then quickly invite 100 other people so you won’t suspect I singled you out.”

”I will remember a random fact or opinion you expressed a year ago, even when you don’t.”

“I Google myself so I know what comes up in case you randomly decide to google me.”

“I bring up a movie/concert/activity that I think you would like, in the hopes that you will express interest and that I can then casually say, ‘Oh, do you want to come with?‘”

I reply all to a group email that you’re in just so my name comes up in your inbox to refresh your memory that I exist. I will labor over this reply for at least an hour before hitting ‘send’.”

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How to Cure a Broken Heart

How to Cure a Broken Heart

Has your lover broken your heart? Here are a number of ways to help cure it and bounce back. You don’t have to silently suffer.

  1. Just like learning to ride a bicycle, if you fall off, get back on and try again. Of course, your goal should not be to fall in love with the first person that is interested in you, but get back into the dating scene as soon as you can. You won’t be home crying yourself to sleep, and you will be having a good time instead.

  2. Join a support group with others who have had a similar break-up experience and see if you find them compatible to talk to. You might gain a lot of insight through them.

  3. Curl up and read a good book. Not necessarily a romance novel, but a book that will teach you something. Make it non-fiction.

  4. Accept the good memories you’ve had with your mate and don’t dwell on the bad times or the recent separation. Negative thoughts of the past will be unpleasant and only make you unhappy. Work on letting go of the past so that you can start looking forward to the future.

  5. Don’t keep your love letters or any trinkets or reminders that your ex gave you. Store them away instead of throwing them away, in case there may be reconciliation in the future. But try not to hold onto that hope.

  6. Playing beautiful music will soothe your soul and make you feel better, but don’t play the music you and your loved one enjoyed together, or that were your songs. Try a different type of music that you normally don’t like.

  7. Stay in touch with a trusted friend and confide in that person. If he or she is a true friend, they will listen to you and not make judgments, or talk about you behind your back.

  8. Write down your angst in a private journal and write in it every day. See how much better you feel with each passing day. Time will heal your broken heart if you let it.

  9. Forgiving that person and letting go of your anger will help you to cure your own broken heart. But don’t expect too much of yourself. Accept that forgiveness will take time.

  10. Don’t think just because you have been hurt once, you will be hurt again and especially, don’t make the next person suffer because you are suffering now. That doesn’t help anything and probably will only make you feel worse in the long run.

  11. If you have a spiritual belief, prayer for help with your broken heart will help in the healing process. It is common to feel betrayed in your time of need. But this is not the case and your faith will make you feel stronger and more able to handle what you are going through.

Following the above tips, will hopefully help you cure your broken heart. Know that in time, you won’t feel so devastated and you will be able to move on.

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Removing Comfort Zone for Lazy Man

Removing Comfort Zone for Lazy Man

One of the biggest criticisms of men is that they are lazy, they get too complacent, far too comfortable, especially in relationships. They think they have got you and think they can keep you with the minimal amount of effort. And to be honest, they often manage it. Why? Because you let them. By the time you have woken up to the fact that your new man is not trying, its often too late to change things, or him. You can of course leave him and often you do, but only after your man has wasted months of your relationships time.

So why does it happen in the first place? Well men are designed like hunters. They like hunting, generally in packs and sometimes alone. Either way, they are doing the chasing for women like you. The problem arrives like a bolt of lightening when they wake up one day with you beside them and realize that they have got you and you appear content. Appear being the operative word. They are in a relationship with you and the chasing has stopped (or so they think). Take away a man’s raison d’être and what have you got, a lazy man.

Remember that I blamed you. Well of course that’s only partially true. But the fact is, if you don’t keep your man standing on quicksand, he will lay down and go to sleep. As a man likes to chase, he likes to feel he has achieved greatness by achieving you as his girlfriend. Once he has done that he will proudly display his trophy and be content. He will set about creating his idea of perfect domestic bliss and being loved-up you will go along with it. What you may not realize is that you are putting up with a lot of crap along the way in the early stages. You may well know it , but unless you have kept him in check some ground rules may have been set. To become his mother is not the path to relationship heaven.

The question is, can you keep him on his toes. Can you keep him wanting you as if he was fighting for his life? Of course you can, you just need to do it that’s all. He is going to call you at work and ask what time you are home. He is going to make assumptions that you are doing some things he likes this weekend. He will assume you love spending your weekend with his nieces and nephews. You are going to let him do that? Of course not. You are going to make him worry. Unnecessarily of course because you love him. But this is for his and your own good before it is too late.

The path to relationship heaven with a man is to make him work for you, to date you, to want you, as if you were the only woman to walk the earth. You do that by changing his expectations and goalposts continually after you have become a couple. To settle in to domestic routine is to allow him to move into a comfort zone you will later regret. At first you may feel you want that too. You both want to be domesticated and fall into a routine. But then you will panic.

Who does the washing, cleaning and ironing ? Was it decided that you were the best at it? When you first met him, his shirts were perfectly laundered and you didn’t do them then. Who said you could cook better than him? Remember that perfect meal he made you on your third date? Where did those culinary skills go? Remember getting up at 6am to make you a surprise breakfast in bed, who said that had to stop? Little by little, you begin collecting his socks from the floor by the bed, you turn the TV off after he has fallen asleep on the sofa at 11pm. You pick him up from the bar after his regular night out with his buddies. And you blame him for getting comfortable? Okay , so it is time to do something about it.

You don’t need to change your man if you start early enough, because he is there for the molding. Men are starting to be aware that women implant ideas in their heads and let the guy take the credit but they are not yet generally advanced enough to make an issue of this. So plant away all you like. He will accept. The fact is, you need to ensure your man is never ever allowed to lay down flat in the comfort zone. Every now and again you have to stir things up and be as equal in ground rules from the very start, as he. Ignore this at your peril.

How many times have you heard men say, I only realized how much I love you after I lost you? That is because their comfort zone was rudely removed and they woke up. So your task is to not allow them to go to sleep in the first place. We all want a quiet life with no head games. We don’t need to play carefully constructed games as we get older? Ehm, I think you will find that you do. Nice games, but games that allow you to mature together before your relationship falls apart. You can be comfortable after 40 years of marriage in your dotage like your parents but to reach that point you better make sure that your man never takes you for granted. Not unless you want a life of unfulfillment.

Men will and do take their girls for granted because they are allowed to get away with it. By the same token, men love to chase their girls and feel huge pride in loving a real catch. To be the real catch you have to keep him fishing. And from time to time you need to get him to change the bait on his hook. Why would he look elsewhere at another women if he is constantly wanting and needing you? Let him take you for granted and watch what happens! So it is down to you to make that happen, to keep him chasing you. You could argue that you want a lazy life too and don’t want to get the man you love to stand on quicksand. Fair enough, the problem is you will realize all too late that you are not happy with your later situation and by then, maybe it’s too late.

To keep your man interested and chasing you may want to follow some of the tips here:

— Keep him out of his comfort zone by making rules early on, even if he doesn’t like them

— Make sure he realizes just how desirable you are to others
Never become lazy yourself

— Don’t be at his beck and call

— Ensure you retain your friends, interests, vacations and activities to a degree

— Never allow him to think you are reliant on him

— Keep some of your finances separate

— Don’t always return his phone calls

— Don’t allow him to know what you are thinking all the time

— Socialize without him occasionally

— All domestic duties are shared, no excuses

— Threaten to dump him occasionally

— Use all your womanly powers that you employ so well in the early stages of dating

— Change your mind about things occasionally and keep him guessing

— Ensure you retain male friends you had before

— Find his weak spots and use them when need be

— Do not run around after him

— Get him to do the laundry

— Go on vacation with your friends

A relationship is equal through and through. Let him get the upper hand and allow him to become too comfortable and he will abuse the situation. Just make sure you don’t allow it to happen in the first place.

Love Affair with a Married Man

Love Affair with a Married Man

Are you considering having a love affair with a married man? Before you do something you may regret, consider the pros and cons of having an affair. Regardless of your feelings about affairs, the fact is there are some benefits to cheating.

Sex

The most common reason people have an affair is for sex. Sometimes the affair is only about sex, while other times an emotional cheating relationship becomes physical. The married man may fulfill you in ways other men have not. He may also be more adventurous than your spouse or other men you have dated. Whatever the situation is, you are likely to have some great sex with a married man, even if most of the excitement comes from the possibility of being caught.

Excitement

One of the most exciting times in a relationship is at the beginning. Getting to know someone new and trying new activities together is a lot of fun. A long-term relationship may feel boring and stale in comparison. Even if you or your married lover has no plans of getting a divorce, the excitement of a new relationship may prove too hard to resist.

Love Affair with a Married Man

Emotional Fulfillment

Sometimes what causes a married man to have an affair is a need for emotional fulfillment. He may have grown apart from his wife over the years and wants to find someone whom understands him. If he also understands you as well, the satisfaction this brings will often be more fulfilling than sex.

Avoid Divorce

Some people think divorce is worse than having an affair. If you agree with that statement, then an affair could be seen as a way of saving a marriage.

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h3>What About The Downsides?

While there are several positive elements of having a love affair with a married man, the downsides are many and potentially devastating.

Getting Caught

The married man is putting his marriage at risk having an affair with you, and you risk the same if you are also married. You may not care about being caught, but your feelings may change if your spouse finds out and files for divorce. Sometimes we don’t realize what we have until we lose it.

Being caught involves more risks than just divorce. It can also ruin your career or your reputation. Even if you are single, you’ll still be labeled as ” the other woman” which can carry as much if not more negative stigmatism as the adulterous husband. You could lose friends and family support and your reputation in the city could be ruined as well.

He May Not Leave His Wife

Sometimes the hope of having a love affair is that he will leave his wife and marry you. This does happen in some cases. However, the majority of the time, the married man only wants to have an affair. Even if he says he loves you and plans to leave his wife, nothing is certain as long as he is still married.

Fantasy is Not Reality

Affairs often have a fantasy feel about them. The problem comes when you expect the fantasy to continue. Even if he does leave his wife and marries you, eventually the day-to-day realities of being married will replace the fantasy. In other words, getting what you want may turn out bad if what you really loved was the fantasy. In addition, in this scenario, your relationship will have been born out of cheating. Now that you are his wife, what’s to say he won’t start cheating on you?

Not Ultimately Fulfilling

If you are single and having a relationship with a married man, it will not be as fulfilling as dating a single guy. The relationship has to be secret, you can’t have your parents meet him and he will be in the arms and bed of another woman. Is that the kind of relationship you want?

Conclusion

Before you have an affair with a married man, carefully consider the good and bad elements. What may start as exciting might in the end cost you more than you were prepared to lose.

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Relation Fears: Afraid Of Losing Your Freedom?

Relation Fears: Afraid Of Losing Your Freedom?

I have many clients coming to see me distraught because they are not in a committed romantic relationship. They dream of it, yearn for it and feel depressed that they are not in one but when we dig in we uncover that deep down they are afraid of losing freedom: Not necessarily the freedom of flirting and being desired by which feels good to the ego, but the ability of being able to do what they want when they want.

In my coaching practice I work a lot with the subconscious mind because even though you may not be aware of it, your subconscious mind runs the show most of the time. Some experts believe that up to 95% of what we do is due to conditioning from our past experiences: our family dynamics, our friends, and other social connections, what we are taught at school, through the media, our cultural background, all of these have an influence on us without us being aware of it. Talk about lack of freedom! We think that we are choosing to be with someone because we love them, when in fact, we may be with someone because when we were a teenager that type of person was the cool type to be with, which obviously as an adult may not be the most fulfilling relationship to have.

Fear of commitmentI have many clients coming to see me distraught because they are not in a committed romantic relationship. They dream of it, yearn for it and feel depressed that they are not in one but when we dig in we uncover that deep down they are afraid of losing their freedom: Not necessarily the freedom of flirting and being desired by many, which feels good to the ego, but the ability of being able to do what they want when they want.

Relation Fears: Afraid Of Losing Your Freedom?

In my coaching practice I work a lot with the subconscious mind because even though you may not be aware of it, your subconscious mind runs the show most of the time. Some experts believe that up to 95% of what we do is due to conditioning from our past experiences: our family dynamics, our friends, and other social connections, what we are taught at school, through the media, our cultural background, all of these have an influence on us without us being aware of it. Talk about lack of freedom! We think that we are choosing to be with someone because we love them, when in fact, we may be with someone because when we were a teenager that type of person was the cool type to be with, which obviously as an adult may not be the most fulfilling relationship to have.

During childhood, we make up constructs about what love is through observing our parents and family, which naturally has a major defining impact on our lives. While growing up, if you observed one of your parent being a ‘slave’ to the other or felt that because your parents loved you, you had to do what they wanted all the time, you may well have associated being in a relationship with losing your freedom. And subconsciously you will steer away from the person that could bring you a committed relationship.

This is why it is important to know the difference between needing someone vs loving someone. One makes us lose our freedom and the other one not. As a child, you love your parents but you need them for your survival and therefore, may not have the freedom to do what is for your highest good if it goes against what your parents think is best for you. Equally, if you observed one of your parents being a ‘slave’ to the other one it was most likely because that parent needed them either for financial reason or lack of self-esteem.

True freedom is not the ability to do what we want when we want, but the ability to listen to our hearts vs our emotions because that is what makes us truly happy. Our emotions call us to go after pleasure, after what feels good to our senses, but not necessarily what is good for us ultimately, which jails us. For example eating cake all the time may feel good to the senses but ultimately will get you in trouble with your health or going after the cute girl/guy who has nothing in common with you may make your ego feel good for a while but in the long run will get you in trouble.

It is also the ability to do the things we need to do to follow our hearts desires. And some of those things will be fun and some of those things will be challenging. If you are in a committed relationship you may not be able to do what you want to do when you want to do it all the time, however through learning how to love you experience true happiness. Happiness of the heart which is deep and fulfilling cannot be replaced by the pleasures of the senses/emotions.

fear of commitmentWhen we truly love someone, we want the best for them while respecting our needs. When you look at love this way love becomes a give and take, it gives you true freedom.

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Positive elements: How to talk to a woman

Positive elements: How to talk to a woman

Recently single and trying to date after divorce is a tough place to be. It’s scary, self-esteem probably isn’t the best right now, and you’re probably a lot older than you were the last time you were dating. Most likely, there’s a little bit of insecurity going on.

Yet, there is a positive element to being newly divorced and dating again. You are starting a fresh, new chapter of your life, and despite feeling uncertain, there is an element of excitement to it, call it hope, perhaps. It’s a chance to start over—this time with someone who is more right for you.

So, here are my 12 tips for “How to Talk to a woman”:

  1. Be yourself. That’s all you can be. If a woman doesn’t like that, it isn’t a match and you aren’t interested in her either.

  2. Be honest. You might as well be upfront about almost everything, because as the relationship progresses, we’re going to find out later, anyhow.

  3. Being funny is great, but we also don’t want to feel like we’re in a room with Eddie Murphy. That said, women love funny guys who make us laugh.

  4. Ask her about HER. All people (not just women) like to talk about themselves. So, if you can’t think of what to say, just ask her something about herself. Chances are, she’ll go on and on!

  5. Be kind. Just be the nice person that you are. Whatever woman says that women don’t like nice guys is an idiot.

  6. Compliment her, but don’t overdo it and act like you’re sucking up. That is a turnoff.

  7. Don’t act shocked when she tells you her age. Over 45, we don’t buy that act.

  8. Don’t go on and on about your ex and badmouth her. She will never go out with you if you do that. And, if you call your ex the b word, or heaven forbid the c word, forget it. You’re done.

  9. When talking about your kids, it’s cute to be into them, but don’t go on and on for a really long time.

  10. When talking about your job, if you hate it, I wouldn’t share that. Try to talk about the positives of it. There is nothing worse to a woman than a man who hates what he does and does nothing to change his situation.

  11. If you really like her, ask her out during the conversation, not just before you’re ready to walk away. Asking during the conversation makes a woman feel secure and happy, and then the conversation just gets better and better.

  12. My favorite: after you get her number and leave, text her a couple minutes later and say something really cute and witty. We LOVE that!

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The passion has gone out of my marriage

The passion has gone out of my marriage

A woman finds that she and her husband now disagree over just about everything except Friday night curries. Mariella Frostrup says that where there’s squabbling, there’s hope.

The dilemma My husband and I have been together for 20 years. I still love him – as in I wouldn’t like any harm to come to him – but the passion has been no more than sporadic for a long time. We argue about almost everything, especially politics. At the moment he is all for Brexit while I’m more on the fence and suspect sticking with Europe is the way forward.

It’s not the only area where we’re opposites. I enjoy my book club, he enjoys fishing, I love a beach holiday, he likes a lot of activity, the only thing we seem to agree on is how much we love our two uni-bound kids and food, we both love a Friday-night curry. So now the children are only part-time residents, should I follow suit and get a new life for myself?

Mariella replies Whoa there, missus! You say there’s no passion left between you, but aren’t you forgetting that to rustle up an enthusiastic argument you need to care? The apathy of the soon-to-be-divorced is a far more terrifying sight; hanging out with couples in their dying days it’s all “Yes dear, no dear, pass me the butter dear.” It’s spooky enough to make a spectator commit to celibacy for life. As far as I’m concerned if there’s battle left in you there’s also the spark of a relationship.

I bumped into a friend at a party the other night, positively glowing and brandishing her ex-husband on her arm as her date. She’s not alone in reaching the conclusion, a decade after she divorced, that her husband’s shortcomings were also available in a variety of other suitors from the four corners of the globe, but not his kindness and parenting skills.

Coming from a divorced family and having experienced the misery it causes children I’ve long been an advocate of sticking together where you can. At times it feels like the hardest road to follow, when passion has dulled and the mere presence of your partner makes a crime of passion appear a pleasant diversion. But as you get older you realise that life whizzes by at a pace, friendships come and go and an enduring union with someone who knows you warts and all is a welcome buffer in a cruel world.

Ironically there are plenty of parallels between your domestic dilemma and the Euro debate taking place across the country, that finds you on opposing sides. In a climate where facts are thin on the ground and opinions epidemic, most voters will be making their choice with hearts rather than heads, making it my natural territory. As with any impending break-up it is difficult, as the rhetoric from both parties escalates, to sort the truth from the fiction. Sticking with the devil you know may not be the most compelling reason to remain in a marriage or as a member state, but finding a way to coexist is a vital ingredient for contentment at any level of existence.

I’ll admit I’m a natural European, born in Norway, brought up in an Ireland entirely revitalised by EC funding and then emigrating to the UK in my teens. It seems to me that the founding principles of an integrated Europe, where we’d never again endure the terrible losses experienced in two great wars, are reason enough to try to work out our differences. In a globalised world the idea of returning to being one lonely little island, neighbouring a cluster of countries committed to each other’s mutual support, seems a regressive step.

Without banging the point home too emphatically I’d say the same could be said for your marriage. Instead of heading for the door what about trying to disrupt the status quo? You claim opposing interests, but I’d describe them simply as individual pursuits that only become a point of contention if you try to force them on each other. Instead, welcome your development as individuals as a bonus to your life together, take holidays alone or with friends when you can’t find mutually acceptable locations, indulge your hobbies and when you meet in the bedroom you may find your passion revitalised.

Like all relationships there will be much that could be improved on and new issues to resolve, but if individuals, like my pal and her husband, can turn from enmity to intimacy, and couples like you from apathy to enthusiastic re-engagement, then surely our politicians, charged with behaving maturely and intelligently for the greater good, should be encouraged to do likewise. I don’t want to burden you with onerous responsibility but if you and your husband can find a way of communicating more constructively there’s hope for Europe, too.

As Gandhi once said, we must “be the change we want to see” and the qualities that will improve your relationship – including compromise, commitment and empathy – offer enhancements to wellbeing not just behind closed doors but out in the real world, too.

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If you are in love with ydir best friend

If you are in love with ydir best friend

If you’ve developed feelings for one of your best friends, you know how scary it can be. Should you tell your friend you’re in love with them? What happens if they don’t love you back – will you lose their friendship? Get the answers to these questions and more. (The only answer I don’t have is whether or not they like you back. You’ll have to find that one out on your own.)

1. Make Sure You’re Sure You’re Really in Love

There’s a difference between having a passing crush on someone and truly being in love. For instance, if:

You’re on the rebound from another relationship
Your friend is on the rebound and acting vulnerable
Your friend got a new style and has been looking extra cute lately
Your friend just started dating someone, and they’re spending less time with you
Someone said that you and your friend would make a cute couple
You and your friend became close only recently
Then you might just have a temporary crush on your friend. Give it a couple of weeks and see if those feelings disappear on their own. If they do, you’ll be relieved that you never said anything.

2. If It’s the Real Deal, Is It the Right Time?

Even if you’re sure of your feelings, you shouldn’t necessarily reveal them to your friend. Don’t drop the bomb under any of these circumstances:

If they’re dating someone, it would be unfair to sabotage their relationship by sharing your feelings.
If you’re in a relationship, you need to decide who’s more important to you. If your friend wins out, then you should break up with your bf/gf no matter what. It’s not fair to date someone who’s only 2nd place in your heart.
If your friend’s going through some major stress – like if they’ve got a big game or test coming up, or if they’re coping with the death of a relative – hold your tongue until their stress has passed. It would be selfish of you to throw them one more bowling pin to juggle.

3. How to Tell Your Friend That You Love Them

So you’ve decided that you really do love your friend and that the timing is right. Here are some tips on how to tell them the big news:

Don’t just blurt it out in the middle of a conversation. Plan on a time and place where you can be alone with them, face to face.
Look in their eyes and drop the bomb with a short statement like, “I’m beginning to like you as more than a friend.”
Don’t use the word “love,” even if you’re sure you’re feeling it. “Love” is a big word, and you might scare your friend off whether they have feelings for you or not.
Keep your tone upbeat. If you act like you’re revealing something horrible to them, they might react like it’s bad news.

4. What If They Don’t Like You Back?

By having this conversation with your friend, you’ve made the decision that it’s more important to reveal your feelings than to live a lie by hiding them any longer. Even if your friend doesn’t like you back, you’re still better off than you were before, because now you know how they feel about you. (I know, I know…it doesn’t feel like much of a consolation prize.)

Your friend is probably hoping that you’ll both be able to forget this conversation ever happened and go back to being friends. That might not be so easy for you. If it hurts too much to hang around your friend, take some time to get over your feelings. You might be able to be friends again down the road, but don’t rush it. Do what’s best for your heart.

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The Recession Is Killing Romance

The Recession Is Killing Romance

In light of the recession, long working hours and a lack of cash are killing romance in British households, according to a new study released today, with 45% of Brits admitting that work leaves them too tired to go on dates and a whopping 64% claiming it was too expensive to do regularly.

The study, commissioned to mark the DVD and Blu-ray release of Date Night, revealed that whilst a huge 80% of couples believed dating to be an important part of a relationship, in reality one in ten admitted they only went on dates for birthdays or anniversaries whilst a shocking 12% claimed they hadn’t been on a single date with their partner in the last year.

Long-term relationships suffer the most with 45% of those surveyed revealing their relationship had lost its spark and a whopping 71% admitting that dating took more of a backseat the longer they had been together.

Dating is also a source of tension between couples with one in five arguing over what to do and where to go. Women were revealed as the biggest instigator of date nights, with 61% admitting they took the lead in organising them, whilst men went against type, admitting they would rather spend their Friday nights with their partner than out with the lads.

Relationship expert Julie Peasgood states: “I’m a great believer in couples still going on dates to keep the romance alive or to inject some energy back into a relationship.

“If financial or other constraints make this difficult, there are ways to creatively get round it, although what happens in Date Night is maybe a bit too radical for most of us! It’s a really funny film though, and a great source of inspiration!”

Attitudes to dating remain fairly traditional with two thirds stating that chivalrous acts such as holding doors open for women is an important trait in a man. Of those surveyed, 67% also agreed that the man should pay for the first date whilst 74% of male respondents described themselves as chivalrous.

Date Night stars comedy heavyweights Tina Fey (30 Rock, Baby Mama) and Steve Carell (The 40 year Old Virgin, Anchorman) as married couple Claire and Phil Foster who’s attempt at a glamourous and romantic evening unexpectedly turns into something more thrilling and dangerous!

The film is being released on the 13th September by Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment.

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Time to end the relationship?

Time to end the relationship?

Time to end the relationship? And if so, how do you break the news in a way that does the least emotional damage? Marriage therapists offer advice:

• Peer into the future. Talk to a lawyer and an accountant, research what an apartment would cost, ask a real-estate agent to estimate a sale price for your house, says Susan Pease Gadoua, a licensed social worker who specializes in helping couples with relationship strife. ‘You will either become energized or depressed,’ she says, ‘and that will be telling.’

• Tell your spouse early. As soon as you start losing your commitment to the relationship, speak up, therapists say. ‘Bring up divorce when you still don’t want it,’ says Bill Doherty, director of the Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project.

• Do therapy on a trial basis. If you think your marriage could be salvaged, find an objective professional and agree on a trial period, typically six months to a year.

• Expect the worst. Anticipate that your spouse will be shocked and behave badly. Regardless, listen calmly—for more than one conversation—to give your spouse a chance to respond.

• Stick around. If you’re the one leaving, don’t move out or cut off contact too quickly. Some therapists even suggest continuing to live together for two to six months, if that’s what your spouse wants, to ease the transition,

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