How we use social media for sex and romance
Social media allows us to meet new people, explore our fantasies, and connect with others who share our desires. It allows us to create sex-positive, supportive communities and learn more about our sexuality. But, it can also give us false hope that the “perfect” person exists, and that if we just search hard enough, we’ll find them out there somewhere.
It’s up to us to use social media to connect with others in positive ways, rather than shut-out potential good-fit partners because they don’t meet a strict criteria. So, how can we use social media, and particularly quick and easy dating apps like Tinder, to enhance our love life rather than tear them apart?
Think About Quick & Easy
In many ways, the digital and technological world is a reflection of our “real life” experience. It is built to meet our growing demands, and many online communities, sites, and dating apps are built off of our fantasies and desires. The technology fills a gap, and gives us what we’re looking for – like a super fast-paced experience that allows you to judge potential partners in a few seconds based on their best picture and possibly a small bio, if you care to read it.
Yes, it’s incredibly fast paced. But, it’s meeting our demand for quick, looks-based connections and mutual matching in the blink of an eye. Think about if that’s the kind of relationship you want. Do you want something primal, physical, hot, and done in a flash? Or do you want something more slow, personality-based, and possibly long-lasting. Or, do you want to fill a particular desire or kink with a niche community? None of these are right or wrong, but pick the app or website that is more in tune with the experience you want to have, rather than thinking you’ll get long-lasting love from a quick-and-easy hookup app.
Choose Your Own Adventure
Social media’s impact on our dating and sex lives is as good or as bad as we, as individuals, allow it to be.
As a good thing, social media allows us to have a much wider variety of romantic and sexual options than before. It allows us to connect with people with similar interests and desires, and learn about and explore new kinks and fantasies. You can even find communities of people with your same fantasies, allowing you to find well-matched partners that are as excited about your kink as you.
On the flip side, social media can also make us more picky about our partners. If you get caught up looking for someone better, hotter, smarter, or who’s interests perfectly match yours… you might be endlessly seeking for someone who just doesn’t exist. Dating sites often suggest that you can find someone truly perfect, but we have to remember that “perfect” in itself is a fantasy. Your perfect match will never be perfect at everything, and often, the persona you meet online is a very polished version of their real-life identity.
Should we go back to meeting people at bars?
Social media and hook up apps are the modern-day solution to classified ads, dating videos, and meeting people at random. Those options have become outdated to a younger, more modern consumer who would rather browse for their partner from the convenience of their smartphone while bored at work or riding home on the subway. Current technology has an advantage, because you can message one another heavily in advance. From behind your phone or computer, you can safely get to know them closely, to feel them out and see if they’re a good fit before ever meeting in person.
In many ways, social media also beats out meeting people at a bar. At a bar, you have no idea who’s single, who’s taken, who’s interested in talking with you, or who has the same interests as you. On an online dating site, you all know you’re there for about the same reason – to meet other people, whether it’s for love, sex, or casual dating. Then, you can filter out who’s the right fit for you physically, intellectually, and based on your interests. Narrowing your focus allows you to get better matches faster, rather than maybe 1 out of 10 people being single and interested at the bar, and even less than that having the same interests as you.
Be Open to Fall in Love
It is absolutely possible to have meaningful, fulfilling, healthy relationships with people you meet online. There’s no reason to think that meeting online hinders the connection you can build in the future. Meeting online is an open door to meet new people and potentially make awesome connections.
It’s then up to the people involved to build on those connections and forge a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with people who go online to meet other people. It doesn’t mean they’re socially awkward or can’t figure out how to interact in person. Often, it’s people who are new to a city, find the bar-scene limiting, or just haven’t found the right person.
Ultimately, dating online, through apps, or social media allows us to get to know people on a deeper level and fine-tune our process of finding the right match, but it’s only as good as we allow it to be. We can choose to use it to create sex-positive, supportive communities – or, we can use to to keep searching for “perfect” person that doesn’t exist, or the guy that’s hot but wants just a one night stand. It’s in our control to use social media in positive ways, whether it’s to find love, casual fun, or sex.