- The first time you come over, we’ll feign disgust over how much of a tip our room is. When really we’re a bit ¯_(ツ)_/¯ about the whole sitch.
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Oh, and if we planned for you to come over to our place, we’ll have hastily made it look non-gross. Just do NOT look under the bed, or in that wardrobe. Or else.
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On that note: never open our wardrobes/drawers ever unless you want a flippin’ avalanche on your hands.
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You’ll soon learn there’s an art to making it across the floor unscathed.
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But just know that we know exactly where our shit is on that floor so don’t go messin’ with our system, kay? Method in the madness.
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You will never, and we repeat NEVER, win a cleaning stand-off against us. Think we’ll eventually give up and clean that mug that’s starting to grow life? Think again, buddy.
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Yes, we need that pile of miscellaneous clutter (read: shit we definitely don’t need). Get used to our ‘stuff.’ We have a lot of it.
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Keep the f*ck away from our handbag. Seriously, don’t do it man. It has taken good men before you.
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But… if you need a pen/mouldy gum/a safety pin/half eaten cereal bar/plastic fork then our handbag is your disgusting-on-the-inside saviour.
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You’ll soon learn that messiness is a way of life, not limited to external forces. We have messy brain/life too. Don’t expect our iTunes to have been updated since 2005. We’ve got 3 email addresses because we keep forgetting our password. Our desktop has the most shit ever on it. And we will probably forget our anniversary, soz.
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Laundry. Lol.
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You literally can’t take us anywhere. Because, spillage…
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There’s probably going to be sand in the bed a lot. Or crumbs. Or both.
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We’ll hoard the shit out your gifts. And ticket stubs/beer mats / Kinder Egg toys. So much so you’ll stop buying us nice things.
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If we end up living together, you’re going to have to be pretty strict on boundaries. Like, we’ll probably need an actual cleaning rota or there’s no fecking way we’ll tidy.
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And you’ll soon realise unannounced guests are our idea of hell.
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Accept we’re never going to be the kind of chick who wears sexy matching underwear.
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We WILL steal your socks. Who even knows where ours end up?!
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Our car is a pigsty. In fact, that’s an insult to pigs.
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Sometimes we forget stuff that’s in the fridge. It happens, ok?!
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You’re going to have to accept that weird things belong in weird places. Get over it.
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Our hair is all over the shower/bathroom and we don’t even care. Likewise, get used to bobby pins turning up everywhere.
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If you do any of the following, we’re just not going to work:
a. Iron your underwear.
b. Get pissed off about mess.
c. Don’t like taking the bins out.
d. Are offended by rogue empty loo rolls.
e. Are familiar with the term ‘storage hacks.’
- Ultimately, you need to know that research says messy people are more creative people, making us BOSS. So you can go ahead and worship our creative, messy asses.
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