Girl’s Guide to Dating an Immortal Vampire

Girl's Guide to Dating an Immortal Vampire

Topping the bestseller’s lists, taking over our TVs, breaking box office records – immortals are so hot right now. But like with any new relationship, there are pros and cons for each, so whether you’re Team Vampire or Team Werewolf, has compiled the essential guide to surviving dating outside your species, just in case you bag yourself an Edward or Jacob…

Dating a Vampire

Like your relationships with more bite? Well, you’re surely aware that this pairing comes with some inherent problems. Yes, it has that irresistible ‘Twilight’ appeal to it – and who wouldn’t want their very own Edward Cullen – but dating the undead isn’t all plain sailing and serenading…

1. ‘Garlic breath’ now takes on a whole new meaning. Gorge on bread sticks and stodgy pasta while you can ’cause Italian is now off the menu. For good.

2. Forget romantic sunsets. Any hint of a rose-tinted sky and your new fella is likely to burst into flames, or blind you with his twinkly skin depending on which legend you believe.

3. Kiss goodbye to your tan, because sunny days spent frolicking on the beach are as dead as your pasty-skinned boyfriend. Luckily for us, the WAG look is so over…

4. Learn to get by on a lot less sleep. Your vamp master is nocturnal, so midnight rendezvous’ will become the norm. Cease dead-locking your bedroom window and invest in some under-eye concealer, pronto.

5. Oh – and probably the most vital of all – make sure he’s of the ‘vegetarian’ persuasion. Sure, boyfriends can be draining in any situation but, in this case, especially so.

Girl's Guide to Dating an Immortal Vampire

Dating a Werewolf

If the sculpted, pallid type just doesn’t float your boat, then maybe you’re more of a ‘wolf man’ fan? But bear in mind, they don’t all look like Jacob Black! Abide by our careful rules of werewolf dating, or things could get hairy…

1. Point him towards hair removal cream. Granted, he wont have a full, glossy coat 24/7, but hairy wrists, a back you can braid and sideburns to rival Wolverine are inevitable, and whilst we don’t mind a bit of manly chest hair, no gal wants to date her dog.

2. Learn to love his friends, because they’ll be around. A lot. Weres are far from loners – they roam in packs, so keep the fridge well stocked, the XBox controllers charged and expect a lot of ‘boys’ nights.

3. Kiss goodbye to your silver jewellery. Unless you want to kiss goodbye to your new fella, that is. From now on, tell him it’s strictly gold or platinum (shame). After all, you’re only thinking of him…

4. Like long, romantic walks? Great, but be sure to leave the leash at home – you’ll only upset him – and steer clear of lamp-posts.

5. Brush up on your moon astronomy. Your dating calendar should now reflect lunar activity. Why? No one wants their date to suddenly rush out of dinner (stripping as they go and leaving you with the bill) to find the nearest hillside and howl at that bad moon a’ rising.

And there you have it. Our guide to tackling the tricky terrain of dating an immortal. Good luck and despite the drama, if they’re anything like Edward or Jacob, we cant help but envy you!

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