If your man uses friends and family as a constant crutch, it can signal a red flag in the relationship.
Relationship success is based on two people standing in coupledom free from outside influence. My listeners and readers are often challenged to meet new people who have a “pack mentality” when it comes to relationships. If the new person does not fit into the “package” (parents, friends, colleagues, etc.) or comply with its rules, the outsider often quickly dumped – which means there are potentially great relationships do not even get a chance to grow. Below are 10 ways to tell whether he is his own guy:
1. He is fine socializing on your own
A man who is able to be out of town without anyone else is his own guy. If you think that all movies, dinner, escape weekend, company party or sporting event is about how many friends he can throw into the mix, be warned – he certainly needs the relationship buffers, so he need not to focus too much attention on you.
2. He shows a healthy family separation
Definitely go for a guy who has got a fantastic relationship with his family, but make sure he sees them realistic. One of the keys to being a fully formed adult is being able to balance the love for your family of origin with your own views on how you plan to make things better for your own family. Is he open about some of his family’s fault? Is he able to distinguish between the ways in which his family does things and the way he chooses to do them? See his conversations and interactions with his family for clues.
3. He is willing to try unfamiliar social situations
This one is great! Is he open to trying things with you that may not necessarily be “his” thing? We all step into the relationships with our basic profile of what we think is funny or interesting set in our minds. Test athlete a bit by suggesting a museum visit or tasting date; offer finance guy a chance to go to a big indie concert; invite the artist to accompany you to a larger company event. If he is willing to give something a try for you, so clearly he is a guy who goes against the tide and are up to taking chances, regardless of what others might think.
4. He needs no advice to help him make life decisions
Is he able to make major life decisions without a selection value help? There will be a million times in a relationship where you are going to need to hear clearly from him what he thinks. You must be sure that what he gives you his true thoughts and opinions and not what his best buddy thinks.
5. He is an information / opinion junkie
Are you ever surprised at what he thinks about a hot news topic, or a big new TV show? Has he ever sort of sway from the expected response when discussing current events together? If yes, he is a keeper. This is a clear sign that he is willing to research and form their own views on his world – he is his own guy.
6. He shows off his softer side when you are together
Do you guys have your own magic against the world? Is he willing to get sappy or silly with you in an attempt to show his interest or love for you? Then this is a guy not afraid to let his softer yourself shine and be vulnerable around you, no matter what others may think. His goal is to impress and mesmerize you instead of worrying about violating any “man code.”
7. He knows that work is work … and when to stop looking clock
We all want a partner who wants to move forward and succeed, but he is able to still be your guy, while climbing the career ladder? Is he able to put work aside to talk to you during the day or an evening out with you after a hard day at the office? Does he value his relationships with people as much as his connection to his BlackBerry? What you should be looking for well rounded guy – he values doing well in his career, but also know that there are far more alive than being in the office late every night.
8. He knows that, in relationships, compromise is key
A person who is able to see all sides of any argument and make any compromise is a relationship gift! Does he give you time to state your case? Does he occasionally comes over to your side of thinking? Is he able to respectfully hold its own ground when you disagree? These are indicators of a man who is afraid to be who he is, but it is clearly realize that the world does not need to feel the same way as he does.
9. He lives in a diverse world
We live in a very diverse society today, where the views, beliefs and backgrounds, the entire map. Check your husband’s friends and his interests. Does he seem to challenge themselves by stepping out into the world, or is he kind of stays in the safe zone with the same old, same old he is known forever? If your husband have different friends and interests, so he’s probably arrogant enough to not just repeat what the popular perception about the way things are, but rather, he is busy creating its own, more informed opinion based on his personal real world experiences.
10. He’s your guy, not just a male stereotype
Much the same way that we as women get a mental picture of what the perfect partner, girlfriend or wife should be – men also carry an internal image that defines what their role in a relationship should be, too. Is he willing to be the guy you need, or is he seems to be following the typical “girlfriend” script? For example: You tell him you hate flowers, but he continues to buy them for you. Or, in conversations about the future, tell you whom you plan to balance a great job of raising children, and he seems to steer the conversation back to you to stay home. These are examples of a man who is more interested in following traditional gender roles than do things to work with you specifically. Look for a guy who really listens to you and is willing to bend to ensure that you both get the best out of your relationship.
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