Modern Dating Rules
First, forget about all the clueless first date advice you’ve ever heard before. Next, get ready to blow him away… and actually enjoy yourself while you’re at it. Nothing calls bad advice, as a first appointment – bring this, that, and do not in any case say that – all in order to capture a guy you’re not even sure you like… yet.
Not only do these rules say the opposite of pleasure (and having fun is not the point here?), But they can also end up being turned against. Who wants to look rigid or eager to please because you follow a certain set of guidelines rather lame than simply being yourself? What are – trust us – is always more attractive than any script.
“The best strategy for a great first date is to go into this in order to simply have fun, instead of harboring an agenda to win,” said Lionel Tiger, Ph.D., a Professor Charles Darwin Anthropology at Rutgers University and author of The Decline of Males. “That way, you can also meet as tenacious and carefree, that are inherently attractive qualities.”
Living in the present
If you clicked on this guy and when you met, it is tempting to jump into the future mental – can it be that? Stop there, and curb your expectations or you will not have fun. “If you put too much importance to the meeting, you’ll spend the whole evening to assess how it goes and stressing about whether you’ll see it again,” said Sheenah Hankin, PhD, a psychotherapist in New York and author of confidence. “This prevents you from fully enjoying what is happening in the present.” It also means that you are not committed – or to engage – as you may have.
Remember that only one night, and then just relax and let go. “A first date is an experience,” said Tiger. “Adopt a laissez-faire that it would work on or it might not.” And, hey, even if ultimately sparks are not there the night n is not a wash. You’ll probably come away with new insights or interesting story to add to your repertoire.
Be honest disarmingly
It goes without saying (not) What it does not tell her about the weird conversation you had with your ex last week or disclosure that you are PMSing. But if you talk to a guy with the same ease that you unattended when you are chatting with a friend, relax and things will get better. It provides the date does not appear to be an interview, “says Hankin. So, tell a funny moment that happened at work earlier in the day or describe an experience that your crazy friend recently through a former boyfriend.
We naturally trust and feel closer to people who are open, according to Hankin. She suggests trying a technique called negative revelation: Research has shown that disclosure of a minor weakness of yours (that you’re afraid of heights, for example), others like you and around you feel at ease because they see you more human.